“I could be one of your boys.” I am a grown-ass man, ten years her senior; it feels funny referring to myself as one of her “boys.” But I know what she means.
“Hm,” she hums, her head lulling on my shoulder. Knowing she passed out, I settle back on the bench so she’s more comfortable lying on my chest. I pick up her hand in my own and rub my fingers over the fading bruises and scratches on her knuckles from our fight to get away.
All the wounds on the outside will heal; the mind takes time. This is the second time Les has gone through something like this. I know she’ll come out of it, but will she ever really heal? Or will this always be in her mind, where she can’t live the life she deserves?
Les deserves everything. The sun, the stars, the moon, all that shit. I may not like her choice of guys, but even I can admit they would lay the world at her feet if they could. I can see it in how they are protective over her, look at her, and have no qualms about threatening a motherfucker who gets too close. Will they ever let me into their fold? Gage may have come to get me today, but that was just for Les. She said she needed something, and he jumped to get it. Just like I know they all would.
One day she is going to let me do it too.
Chapter 10
Leo
Igo upstairs to check on Alessa after they haven’t appeared for a couple of hours, and what I see makes me swallow every jealous feeling I’ve ever had.
She’s tucked into Zane’s side on the bench, and they’re both asleep. He looks uncomfortable as hell, but even then, his face looks peaceful. I’m jealous because hers looks the most relaxed since she came home. Even in sleep, she would have a frown line, and she only sleeps at a couple of hour intervals; right now, her face is smooth and relaxed. I don’t know if it’s because she knows Zane is okay or if she needs him to make her feel like that. Where does that leave the rest of us if that’s the case?
I shut the door softly and make my way downstairs, flopping down on the couch on the other side of Gage. “Are you just going to ignore me now?” he asks from his spot on the chaise.
“I have nothing left to say,” I tell him.
We had it out in the garage, and everything brewing between us came to an argument of epic proportions. He thinks I’m smothering him, but I can’t get him to understand how I felt when I saw them bring him in. He looked dead; even the doctors told us the percentage of him living through this was slim to none. In a blink, we almost losthim; I almost lost him. I know what that feels like and will do anything to ensure that never happens again.
“Tell me what you’re really pissed about,” Gage says, turning the TV off to face me. “Is it because I brought Zane here? Because I did that for her.”
“I know good and goddamn well why you did it,” I reply. I take a deep breath so I don’t start yelling and risk waking her up. “The threat of Jay and Viktor is still out there. None of us leave the house alone. But you took off without even telling anyone. That’s why I’m fucking pissed, Gage.”
After he got out of the hospital, I was the one who took care of him. We had already set our relationship in motion before Les disappeared, which developed from there. I did everything for him, and he let me at first. After a while, he would snap at me to leave him alone and let him do it himself, even though he shouldn’t have been. The worst fight we had was when we were on the plane on our way to Cabo, where Evander and Mateo were. We did it for his own good, though. He exceeded every expectation in physical therapy but was pushing too hard. The doctors warned him he would set himself back, but he didn’t listen. That’s when the rest of us decided we would send him to Evander. What I didn’t expect was going with him, but that’s the only way he would go. And he hated me for it.
“I know the threats are still out there. I’m not fucking stupid, Leo.”
“I never said you were,” I say dully. We’ve had this fight before too. I’m so tired of the same battle every day, and I have no idea how to fix it. He’s so angry all the time. I see flashes of the old Gage, then something is said, and it’s lost again. His smile is gone, he never jokes like he used to, and he looks at me like he wishes I wasn’t here.
“Might as well have since you think you have to remind me every fucking second of every fucking day we’re still under threat.”
I bite my tongue to stop my following retort. I do need to remind him because Gage acts first and thinks about it later. “Fine. I’ll stop. Do what you want.”
He chuckles, but it’s without humor. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“I honestly don’t give a fuck what you think right now.”
“Of course, you don’t. All that matters is you keep me under your fucking thumb so you can watch my every move,” Gage replies, flipping the TV back on.
I reach over and jerk the remote out of his hand, flipping it back off. “Is that what you think?” I ask, despite myself. I can feel everything I want to say bubbling to the surface. “I love you, you dumbass. I watch you because all I can think about is you not fucking being here. Thatkillsme, Gage. And the fact you don’t get that is what really pisses me the fuck off.” I sling the remote beside his leg and stand up. “But like I said. Do what you want. Because I’m done.”
I step around the other side of the coffee table so I don’t have to walk by him, and he doesn’t even move to stop me. I can’t stop the feeling of my heart breaking because I know now that Gage is done with me too.
I make it to the stairs and feel a hand on my arm. Gage spins me to face him, backing me into the wall and pressing his body against mine. We sleep in the same bed and share chaste kisses, but it has been weeks since I’ve felt him against me. The last time we were together was before he got shot.
“You’re done, Pretty boy?” he growls in my face. He hasn’t called me that in forever. “Well, I’m not.”
I push him back because I’m not letting him cower me into the wall, no matter how much I want him rubbing against me. “Fuck. You,” I grit out, shoving past him and up the stairs. I make it to my room, but before I can shut the door, he pushes through it, closing it behind him. He has that wild look in his eyes that scares me and turns me on at the same time.
“No. Fuck you,” he says. “You don’t think I get it! I almost fucking died!” That’s the first time he’s ever said that out loud. “Les got snatched onmywatch! She went through hell because of ME! I can’t look at myself in the goddamn mirror without seeing that! Ifailedher! The woman I love the most, I FAILED HER!” he yells, his chest heaving.
All the anger drains out of me. I didn’t even realize how he might feel about what happened. He’s said he felt guilty, but I didn’t consider how much of a toll it might have on him.
“Gage. None of that was your fault.” We should have fought harder that she didn’t go that day, no matter how pissed she got. She would have gotten over it and wouldn’t be going through what she is now.
