“Ryder,” I bark, and his back goes ramrod straight. “Look at me,” I need to get control of this; I’ve seen the fights Les and Ryder used to get into. It was like fire and gasoline. They were both hot-headed as hell then, and now they both have things hitting them left and right. It might escalate to a point we can’t stop it. “Now,” I growl when he still hasn’t turned around. Les takes a step back when he slowly turns to face me. His eyes are starting to get that feral look again, full of his usual defiance. Do I want to bend Ryder to my will? Fuck no. That isn’t the point of this exchange. I want to help him find a new outlet for his anger, which I’m trying to do if he’ll let me. “Don’t ever talk to her like that. She made up her mind, and that’s what we’re going to do.”
“You’re just going to let her run straight into fucking danger?!” Ryder bellows, and it’s so loud we all wince.
“This is the only way we end this,” I say calmly. “We’ll be there every step of the way. We do it her way.”
Ryder scoffs. “Then you’re just as fucking useless as I thought.”
I roll my shoulders back. “Leave us,” I tell the rest of them. They all walk out with varying looks on their faces. Les looks worried, Dex and Gage look amused, and Holden and Leo look confused. “Come here.” He bristles at the command. “Come. Here.” He continues to glare. “I can’t help you if you don’t let me, Love.”
The nickname seems to snap him into action, and he strolls toward me. His shoulders are pulled back, his hands are clenched into fists. He’s returning to his old habits, which makes him miserable. One wrong word, and he’s going to deck my ass again. “I want to protect her as much as you do.”
“You don’t act like it.” Ryder steps into my space.
“Ryder,” I warn.
“Is this your way of fucking her over again?” he asks, and I take a step back. I know he’s taking his anger out on me because he can’t take it out on the people he wants to. So I take a deep breath, finding that calm I had with him in the basement.
“You know I’ll never do anything to hurt her again.”
“I knew it was a fucking mistake letting you back in,” Ryder growls in my face.
“Enough,” I bark, letting the authority bleed into my voice.
His eyes widen, and he takes a step back. “I’m sorry. Shit.” He rakes his fingers through his hair, his eyes dropping to the floor. I don’t want that.
“Look at me,” I demand and wait until his eyes lift to mine. “I know what you’re feeling. But taking your anger out on us isn’t the answer.”
“I know. Fuck. I know!”
“Go apologize to Les and meet me in the back bedroom.” I let that sink in before I walk around him. I’m leaving the ball in his court if he wants my help or not. I know I can make him; he would listen, but I need Ryder to make up his own mind.
I sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for about fifteen minutes, about to give up when the door opens, and Ryder walks in. I don’t let the surprise show on my face. “Did you apologize to Les?” I ask instead.
“Yes,” he replies and then drops to his knees in front of me, head down.Holy fucking shit.“I’m sorry for what I said,” he apologizes, still looking at his legs.
“This isn’t why I brought you in here.” I didn’t bring him here for anything other than to talk to him. This is all Ryder, the same thing he did when I walked into my room, and he was already on his kneesfor me. I don’t want him to think this is a sick power trip, something to hold over his head. I want to help him with whatever issues he has. There is only one way I know how. If I can take the control from him, he can justfeel.
“I know,” he says softly, none of the usual gruffness he usually has.
I stand up, put my hand under his chin and tilt his face up. “What do you want, Ryder?” I ask the one question that’s been burning through my head. What exactly does he want from me? I can guess all day long, and I even have an idea. I just need him to say it and accept it. I watch him clam up. “Tell me what you want.”
“You.”
My heart starts beating harder. “Be specific.” His eyes widen. “I need you to say the words.” We are right there, ready to step off this cliff together; he just needs to say it.
“I want to be yours.”
Damn.
I collect my thoughts before I speak again. “You want to be mine? Do you know what that means?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me what it means.”
“Yours to control,” he answers, and I step back. Does he have this all wrong?
“That’s not what this is about, Ryder. I don’t want to control you. I want to take controlfromyou. There’s a difference.” I tilt his face again when it starts to drop. “You need to understand that I’ll never control you. I’d never take advantage of you like that. I want to take care of you. I want to be the person you come to when you can’t get your anger under control. I want to help you so things like what happened in the kitchen don’t happen again.”
