“You keep looking at me like that, and this trip will end a whole different way,” Ryder says, causing my eyes to jerk up to his. He’s pulled his sunglasses off so I can see his dark eyes.
“Like what?” I croak, giving away how nervous I am.
“Like this.” He moves before I can register what he’s doing, slanting his mouth over mine. The first contact of his tongue with mine, I groan into his mouth. Kissing Les feels like this, that all-consuming feeling of their mouth on yours, but Ryder is rougher. I love kissing them, the feel of their lips pressed to mine, their tongue sliding against mine.
“Fuck,” Ryder breathes, sitting back in his seat, adjusting his cock through his jeans, unashamed that I did that to him. “What are you doing to me?”
Feeling bold from the kiss, I tentatively reach over and run my hand across the crotch of his jeans, feeling how hard he is. “The same thing you’re doing to me.”
Ryder’s head hits the headrest with a groan. “You have two choices, Holden. Move your hand, sit back in your seat, and I’ll drive us back home.” He levels me with a look. “Or get out of the car and follow me inside.” I don’t need him to explain what will happen if I follow him inside. I don’t even think about it before I pop my door open and get out.
Ryder slides out right behind me, pulling keys out of his pocket. He unlocks the door, opening it for me to pass. I walk in, swallowing my nerves, knowing this thing between us is about to explode. He roughly grabs me by the arm, pushing me against the closed door. He steps up and slants his mouth back over mine with his hand wrapped around the nape of my neck.
His whole body is pressed against mine, and I can’t breathe; I don’t want to. I’ve dreamed about this day, the day Ryder would be pressed against me, his lips on mine, and I’m not backing down now.
I run my hands down his back, feeling his muscles shift under myfingers. He moves closer and grinds his hips forward, rubbing his hard cock against mine through our jeans.
Ryder pulls his mouth away from mine, laying his forehead against mine. “Tell me you want this, Holden.”
“I want this,” I pant.
He groans again, rubbing harder against me. “You don’t like something; we stop. This goes as far as you want it to go. No questions asked. Got it?” I nod in understanding, and he steps back.
He walks over to the desk behind us, pulling open the drawers. “Thank you, Gage,” he mutters, pulling out what he was looking for. He shoves it into his back pocket before I can see, but I have a feeling about what it is. Gage used to hang out here when the construction guys were tearing the old building down, and I’m pretty sure he hooked up with one of them.
Ryder leads me to an oversized couch, and I’m attacked by nerves again. He wraps his arms around me from behind. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes. I’m just nervous,” I admit.
“I am too,” he says, shocking me. Ryder nervous? He kisses the side of my neck. “We go as slow as you want.”
“Why are you nervous?” I ask, leaning into his arms.
“Because I don’t want to do anything that might hurt you. I’ve never been with a guy before, Holden.” I figured that but hearing him admit it makes some of the nerves settle, knowing we would be each other’s first. What if he doesn’t like it? What if it’s just curiosity, and once it’s settled, he changes his mind? What if he doesn’t want me after this?
“Talk to me,” he encourages, his arms still wrapped around me.
“What if you don’t like it? What if I’m not good enough?”
He presses his hard cock against my ass. “Holden, I’m so fucking turned on right now that my cock is throbbing.Youdid that to me with a kiss. There is no way in hell I won’t like whatever happens between us,” he says adamantly, turning me to face him. “You’re important to me. Let me prove to you that you’re enough.”
He pulled out the one thing I didn’t want to say. That I’m not enough. For him. For Les. For this family. I had it beaten into myhead for years when I was locked up, and it’s a hard habit to break. I still have moments when I’m with Les that I can’t figure out why she wants me. It’s time to let that go.
“Okay,” I whisper.
Ryder slants his mouth over mine, walking me backward until the back of my knees hit the couch. I sit down with him following me, urging me to lie down. He stretches his body over mine, never letting my lips go. The longer we kiss, the more comfortable I feel. He’s rubbing against me again, and I need more.
I pull my mouth away. “I want to feel your skin on mine.”
He helps my shirt over my head before sitting back on his knees, fisting the back of his shirt and jerking it over his head.Fuck.I have admired Ryder’s body from a distance, but now I’m going to feel it on mine.
He lays back down so we are pressed chest to chest, and I feel like I’m going to self-combust. Ryder is covered in muscles and tattoos. He works hard on his body every morning, and every morning he trains me. He taught me how to lift, box, do yoga, and do any other thing he knew. He, Dex, and Gage helped me build the muscle I so desperately needed.
I run my hands down his bare back and hear him suck in a breath. Knowing he’s just as affected as I am somehow makes it better. I remember the feeling of my cock sliding between his lips when we were with Les. I want that again, except, “I want to taste you,” I tell him, hoping he gets my meaning without me having to explain.
His breath rushes over my neck. “Fuck, Holden. You sure?”
“Yes.”
