She’s wearing high-waisted jeans that hug her curves as if they were painted on, a black blouse with pearl buttons, and an apron that saysBatter Off Deadin elegant script. Gold hoops catch the tent’s lighting, and her perfume suggests expensive flowers and dangerous intentions.
“Y’all are getting yourselves all worked up over nothing,” she continues, her accent thick as molasses and twice as sweet. “I’mSavvy Sparrow, owner of Sweet Dreams & Sugar Schemes Bakery down in Tennessee.” She gestures toward a table where a casket-shaped cake sits like the centerpiece of someone’s very festive funeral. “That there is my Rest in Peaches coffin cake. Took me three days and half my sanity to get those sugar flowers just right.”
The cake is a work of art that’s equal parts beautiful and morbid—dark chocolate shaped like an ornate casket, covered in delicate peach-colored sugar roses and trailing vines. It’s the kind of thing that makes you want to wallpaper social media with it before you demolish it with a fork and zero shame.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Josie Janglewood, park owner,” I introduce myself, trying to project confidence while internally wondering if my insurance covers death by sugar sculpture.
“Owner?” Dilly’s entire demeanor shifts like someone just told her there’s an open bar. Newsflash: there’s not. “Well, aren’t you just a little firecracker,” Savvy says, looking pleased as punch by the news. “We are absolutely thrilled to be here.”
“And I’m twice as thrilled to have you,” I’m quick to tell them. “And these little critters circling my ankles are Fish and Chip.”
The women all coo at once, sans Delora, who looks as if she’s sizing them up for a snack.
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Nadine says with a smile. “The Sugar & Sass sisters are ready to make this entire week absolutely magical.” She presses a hand to her chest. “In the event you don’t know, I’m Nadine, and this ball of energy is my partner, Dilly. Truth be told, they’re not blood-related but more the sisters of the chosen variety, very good, very longtime friends.”
As if they needed an intro. Although I didn’t know that bit about them being family sans the bloodlines. In my experience, that’s the very best kind.
“Oh my goodness, I just love you two!” Ree gushes as she sets her cookies down and nearly accosts the woman. “I watch your special appearances every week onMorning Coffee & Chaos. You’re absolutely hilarious.”
“We do a few national shows now, too,” Nadine says with pride. “In fact,Sweet Life Americais here tonight filming the whole symposium for their Halloween special. You know, they’re a national show. It’s quite a step up from our localMorning Coffee & Chaosgig.”
“The exposure will be fantastic for your Fright & Frost Halloween merchandise launch,” Dilly assures me, her business instincts clearly sharper than her kitchen knives. “We’ve already seen some of the culinary pieces you’re featuring—those bat-shaped spatulas are absolutely precious, and don’t get me started on those gorgeous rolling pins with the gold ghosts etched into the marble. Heavy enough to tenderize meat or defend yourself, whichever comes first.”
They all share a quick laugh while I try not to think about how prophetic that statement might be.
Fish and Chip choose this moment to chime in.
Oddly violent for a baking demonstration,Fish observes.
She definitely has enemies,Chip adds.
And I’m betting Delora does, too.
“Well, if it isn’t the sweetest little sugar cookies this side of heaven!” Savvy coos, scooping up both Fish and Chip and planting kisses on their furry heads before they can protest.
Both cats sniff her simultaneously, and their expressions shift from tolerance to something just this side of horror.
She smells like a D-O-G!Fish’s yowl could shatter crystal.A big, fluffy, probably-drools-everywhere DOG!
Abort mission!Chip broadcasts in panic.This is not a drill! We are in enemy territory!
Savvy chortles and coos as if spooking cats were her singular pleasure in life. “Why, I think they’re picking up the scent of my sweet Cupcake. She’s a standard poodle, white as fresh-fallen snow and twice as fluffy. Half the time she looks like she’s beendusted with powdered sugar, and honestly, half the time she has.” She laughs again, a sound like wind chimes in a gentle breeze. “She’s around here somewhere, probably charming treats out of some unsuspecting turkey leg vendor. I’m sure you three furry cuties will be fast friends!”
Fish and Chip exchange a look that suggests they’d rather make friends with a pack of rabid wolves.
“Speaking of friends,” Dilly says with a smile that doesn’t quite initiate, “Nadine, don’t you think it’s time we discussed the final arrangements for tomorrow’s demonstration?”
“I thought we’d settled all that,” Nadine replies, her tone neutral yet contrived.
“Oh, we settled it, all right.” Dilly’s voice carries an edge sharp enough to slice frozen butter. “Just like we settled your little creative differences about the recipe modifications.”
Nadine’s jaw tightens. “Those weren’t creative differences. Those wereimprovements.”
“Improvements?” Dilly laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Is that what we’re calling those culinary catastrophes?”
Before the sister showdown can escalate further, Dilly turns her attention to Savvy with a smile that could freeze fire.
“And Savvy, honey, I do hope your coffin cake tastes better than your last appearance onSouthern Sweets & Treats. What did that reviewer call it? ‘Ambitious but ultimately deceased?’”
