Using his thumb, Jesse wiped away Arthur’s tears.
“Sweet, ridiculous man, you’re so much more than that.”
“I feel like a failure. Forso manyreasons. Like because of how my past behavior hurt my family’s reputation. Or because of how miserable I’ve made Emma throughout the course of her young life. Or because, even knowing how miserable she has been, Istillcouldn’t manage to be honest with my father tonight about what Emma wants for her future. I couldn’t make myself tell him that I intend to support her. God, Jesse, I even feel like a failure because I never managed to convince the fair’s organizers that they ought to let me exhibit, even when I clearly was willing to pay them heaps of money for the privilege of doing so.” Arthur let out a pained moan. “Dammit, I could keep listing other things, too. Hurting you, for instance, by being a snobbish fool. Or letting that fucking steel mill close. Or, hell, overworking poor Gertrude by not hiring more staff and thereby ruining her knees.Whyam I such a failure, Jesse? Am I cursed to be the very picture of mediocrity and inadequacy for the rest of forever?”
“You’re not a failure, Arthur,” Jesse said, pushing his hand through Arthur’s hair. “Do you think thatI’ma failure for not being the son my father so clearly wanted? Or for not finishing college? Or for not managing to perfect that modified Jobber for you?”
“Of course not.”
“You’re not a failure for your mistakes or missteps or even for yourperson, either. I’m enchanted by you, Arthur. You’re a wonderful father. You’re a wonderful friend and lover and employer and person, too. And I’m so very lucky to know you.”
Arthur sniffled once more. “Thank you, my sweet Jesse. You really are a treasure.”
Some time passed while Jesse hugged him tighter. He wondered how or whether there was something that could make Arthur feel better. Soon, he remembered something. Something might help.
Jesse said, “Arthur, I wonder if I might have thought of something that might help with how you’re feeling right now. Do you still want to talk about the types of printing presses at that private event at the fair? I know how bad you feel for not having been chosen to exhibit, but maybe it would make you feel better to participate in that. Because then, maybe it would feel like you came close to exhibiting, in a way.”
Arthur sniffled and sat up a bit. “Do you really think I should?”
“Only if you want to.”
“I want to,” Arthur said before letting out a small sob. “But Ihatethat I want to. I feel like I’m the most pathetic person in the world for still wanting a metaphorical pat on the head from my parents.”
Jesse ran his hand through Arthur’s hair again. “Beautiful man,” he said, “it’s not pathetic.You’renot pathetic. It’s normal to want your parents to love you.”
“You were brave enough not to want such a thing.”
“I wanted it,” Jesse said. “I only walked away when I knew it wasn’t mine to have.”
Arthur seemed to think for a bit.
“Do youpromisethat you won’t think less of me if I try for it still?” he finally asked.
“I won’t,” Jesse said with as much sincerity and sweetness as he could muster. “I promise.”
Some minutes passed. Then, Arthur started speaking again.
“I wonder if, should I present at this thing, perhaps my parents might eventually be more amenable to the idea of Emma pursuing journalism, if only because they’ll feel as though their son has mended his reputation a bit by, as my father said, having suchinfluence on Chicago’s printing industry. It’s a bunch of nonsense, but maybe it could help.”
“It sounds like a sensible thing to try, then.”
Jesse continued to pet Arthur’s hair for a while. After more time passed, maybe fifteen or even twenty minutes, Arthur sat back up and balanced on his elbow.
“Will you come with me to the event?” Arthur asked.
Jesse let out a half chuckle. “Why? No one would wantmethere.”
“Iwant you there.” Arthur placed a hand on Jesse’s cheek. “I know our friendship might seem strange to my parents and to others, but I’d love to have fun at the fair with you in the nighttime. Even if other people will be around, I’m certain that the fairgrounds will be absolutely magical so late in the evening. Besides, having you there will help remind me that I’m more than the son of Warren and Joanna Hughes.”
“Won’t I look out of place?”
“You could never look out of place.”
“Liar.” Jesse chuckled. “Alright, fine, if it’ll mean that much to you.”
Arthur leaned forward and pressed a hard kiss to Jesse’s lips.
“Thank you for your support, Jesse.”
