“Yeah, but is it going to make you happy?”
My eyes darted down to my toes.No, not even a little. Tonight was not about me—nor should it be. I didn’t even truly understand why Todd had invited me. We were the past, and tonight should be about him moving into the future with his new wife. I’d love to say he invited me to keep the peace, but at this point, it felt more like a dig, as if he wanted to show how quickly he’d rebuilt his world while I was still finding my footing in mine.
Ollie sighed at my non-answer. “If you really want to go, I’llsupport you. Hell, I’ll throw on my dancing shoes and walk into that reception, zero fucks given. But at some point, Bri, you’re going to have to stop doing what everyone expects from you and do what you actually want to do.” She stepped closer, taking my hand in hers. “So tell me, if you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?”
With Damien.
But I was too much of a coward.
Which was the same reason I was about to go to my ex-husband’s wedding instead of running into the arms of the man I loved.
Staring back at the mirror, I took in the sleek lines of the classic black dress. I used to love it, but now, it was all wrong. It looked like I was in mourning, as if I still clung to that last vestige of my old world. But like everything else from that time period, it no longer fit, too tight in some areas and loose in others. It fit the girl my parents wanted me to be—the one who desperately wished for their approval, even giving up my happiness to keep the peace.
Over the last few months, there’d been a shift within me, but those past desires had teeth, and it wasn’t as easy as I had hoped to ignore my family’s wishes.
I turned back toward Ollie, running my damp palms along the lines of my dress. “You know what my answer would be, Ollie, but it's not that easy.”
“Why not?”
“Youknowwhy, Ol.” I shook my head. “Remember when Damien was enemy number one? Don’t think I didn’t notice your search history. Laxatives? Really? Remind me not to get on your bad side.”
Ollie smiled evilly, shrugging without a hint of shame. “Oh, I think he still has some work to do. But then again, he comes here every night, with dinner for bothof us, and you know food is my love language. More than that—I see the two of you together. You spend hours talking, and it’s like no one else is in the room.” She leaned closer toward me. “Let me ask you this: ever since he came back around—has he seemed like he’s holding back?”
My brow furrowed. “No, not at all.”
“And has he been honest and open about everything?”
“Yeah…”
“He’s not holding anything back, Bri,” Ollie sighed. “And I don’t know if you could see it through your heartbreak goggles, but that man fell to pieces without you. He looked like hell when he came here. And now, even though his heart’s been broken, he’s right back at it, fighting for you. He’s not afraid of going through that pain again.”
She took in my expression then grabbed my hand and led me over to the bed. “I’m not one to believe men, because, well, they’re men, but Damien’s kept all his other promises to you, Bri. When he messed up, he owned it. He didn’t hide or try to pass the blame. He’s been there for you every step of the way, no matter how much you try to push him away. But the question is—how long do you want to keep punishing him?”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” I snapped, shifting to face her. “At least, I don’t think I’m trying to punish him.”
“I know you don’t,” Ollie said. “And that’s why you’re getting the kid gloves right now. If I thought you were doing it on purpose, we’d be having a very different conversation. It’s okay to be scared of love, Bri, but you’re letting that fear hold you back, punishing him while protecting yourself.” Her brown eyes searched mine. “You’re not afraid of trusting, Damien. You’re afraid of trusting yourself.”
Before I could answer, the screen panned to the Hawks’ dugout, and my mouth fell open. “Is that?”
“Wow, look at that,” Ollie mused, sitting back on the couch with an amused smirk. “Guess it’s a good thing we turned on the game.”
But I barely heard her, too focused on how Damien’s wide smile filled the screen. For the first time since he’d gotten injured, he was back at a game. My smile came out, so proud he’d taken that step. It had to be hard for him to be so close to the field but unable to play. Yet, there he sat, his knee propped up while the rest of the guys joked with him. The media was clearly just as excited to see him back with the Hawks, because they rushed into the dugout while the rest of the players warmed up.
A cute brunette reporter I recognized from earlier in the season got there first, shoving a microphone in Damien’s face. “It’s good to see you back with your team, Damien, even if you’re only here to support them. Tell us, how’s your recovery going?”
“Good.” He smirked, nodding along with the reporter. “PT’s a lot of work, and we’re making slow but steady progress. My trainer’s hopeful I’ll be back on the field next season.”
“That’s great to hear,” she answered. “How’s it been, being away from the game, especially while your team is battling it out in the playoffs?”
“It’s hard, that’s for sure. Even though I’m not on the field with them, they know I have their backs. We’re still a team—still a family—and I’m honored to be a part of the Hawks family.”
“I’m sure they’re just as honored to have you be a part of it. Any parting words before the game gets started?”
Damien turned to the camera with the same devious sparkle in his eyes. Anxiety bubbled up in my chest as I watched him, loving that the spark had returned tohis eyes. It was like he was coming back to life right in front of all of us, coming back from the darkness. He grabbed the microphone. “Just want to say to my girl watching at home—I love you, angel, no matter how long it takes.”
My eyes searched Damien’s face, and the truth in them made my knees wobble. Was Ollie right? Had I held on to my anger with Damien because I was letting fear win? And how was I able to hold on to that anger with him, yet it slipped through my fingers with everyone else?
I’d made excuses for so many people in my life. Blamed my mother’s upbringing for her strictness and conditional love. Gave Brad a break when I found out that his marriage was falling apart. And yet, I couldn’t do the same thing for Damien. He’d been open about how badly he handled his injury, and I told him I understood—but did I? Or did I just see that as an out, a convenient excuse to hold on to when fear threatened to overwhelm me?
