But that delicious drink almost spluttered out of my nose when Damien asked, “Do you want kids?”
Quickly grabbing a napkin, I wiped away the remnants of my drink that had sneaked out. Familiar shame washed over me as I thought about my answer, knowing it could change everything. I didn’t know what we were heading toward, but the next few words couldsnap everything in half. Despite the urge to hide it, I shook my head and forced out my truth. “Not biologically.”
I debated holding back the rest—refusing to let Damien in any further than I already had. But as he stared at me, waiting for me to say more, my lips opened easily.
“I’ve always thought about fostering and adopting older kids, but that was something my ex wasn’t open to trying. He was pretty insistent about trying for a baby, even though we both knew I didn’t want one. He insisted it was just a phase for me, that once we settled down, I’d change my mind.”
“That’s bullshit,” Damien snapped. “And he held that against you?”
My cheeks colored in shame, replaying so many arguments in my mind, when Todd made me question my mind, refusing to understand why I didn’t want to have a baby. Not that I didn’t want a family—but there were already so many kids in the world who needed a loving home. After working in schools for the past decade, I saw so many wonderful kids who were victims of their circumstances, so many children who needed a safe and loving home to land. Maybe it was naïve of me to assume Todd would feel the same way, but in my heart, I knew if I was going to become a parent, that would be the route I’d take.
Damien sighed and sat back. “I’ve never thought about kids, probably because the game has always been my focus. I’ve spent so much time being tied to someone else’s schedule. I’d like to travel—do things on my own terms.”
“Not easy when you have kids.”
“Nah.” Damien chuckled. “But I do like the idea of giving a good home to kids in need. And you’d make a great mom, Bri.”
Heatfilled my cheeks, and I broke our stare, instead focusing on the last bites on my plate. Damien said nothing; he just sat with me in the silence. It wasn’t tense like I would’ve expected; instead, it was almost calming. He didn’t need me to fill the void with empty words; Damien was content to sit with me as I worked through the fears in my mind.
And that was the scariest thought of all.
TWENTY-SIX
As summer dwindled down, I found myself in a new routine. During the week, I’d head over to the school and meet up with Brad and the other teachers to plan for the first few weeks of instruction, leaving with blood on my tongue after biting it all day. Despite my years of experience, Brad seemed to enjoy undermining me at every turn, questioning everything I brought up during our grade-level meetings. Which was fine. I never minded having input from others. But with Brad, it was just constant negativity, because he was a lazy asshole who only cared about himself.
And that was where I drew the line.
When we wrapped up our meeting for the day, Brad didn’t bother to say goodbye, claiming he had too much work back home.Good riddance. Before I did the same, my principal stopped me.
“Brianna, are you alright?”
No, not even a little. You’ve tied me to the world’s biggest narcissist for the year, and I’m not sure how I’m going to survive the next ten days, much less the next ten months.
“Fine,” I said, hiding my retort behind my most professional smile. "We’ll make it work; we always do.”
“That’s true,” Ethan answered, leaning back in one of the conference room chairs. Ethan Cutler had been my mentor for almost a decade, and above everyone else, I trusted his opinion. Over the years, he’d put me in some challenging positions, but it was always to help me grow as a teacher. This time, though, I failed to see the point of pairing me with Brad. It was a partnership destined to fail, and while it might bruise my ego, I only cared about the kids in our shared class. Discord between us would affect them the most, and I refused to be the one who let that happen.
As I stepped into the doorway, I paused, tapping my nails on the steel frame. “Why him?” I whispered as I turned to face Ethan. “Out of all the teachers in the school, why did you pair us together?”
Ethan sighed and steepled his fingers together. “Because I wanted to see if Brad would rise to the challenge. If anyone can help him pull his head out of his ass, it’s you, Brianna.”
I arched an eyebrow at him. “Are you supposed to tell me that?”
“Probably not,” Ethan laughed. He paused then stood and shut the door behind me. “Between you and me, there are going to be some changes over the next few years in our district. The superintendent is planning on retiring, and he’s been asking around about quality candidates to replace him.”
“Are you…?”
“Perhaps.” Ethan smiled. “I might toss my hat in the ring, but there’s still time before anything happens, and who knows what might change before that day? However, if I were to leave, I want to make sure my school would be inthe right hands.” He gave me a pointed look. “Preferably yours.”
“Mine?” I squeaked, bringing my hand up to my chest. “I don’t even have my admin certification.”
“You started taking the courses. What happened?”
I chewed my lower lip. “My life sort of spiraled downhill. Figured I should put those goals to bed until things got better.” I let out a humorless laugh. “That ship seems to have sailed.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Ethan answered. “Brianna, it’s not my place to comment on your personal life, and I would never want to make you uncomfortable, but I will say you’ve seemed lighter since your divorce. Sure, there was that usual mourning period, but everyone could see Todd was weighing you down. Now, you have the chance to go for what you want. If it’s admin, go for it. There aren’t many people I’d want to see take my chair, and it would be an honor to pass this school over to you.” Ethan shrugged, like he hadn’t just upended my life with a few brief sentences. “I’d like you to consider it. If you decide it’s not the route you’d like to take, then I support your choice.”
I paused, only able to nod my head slightly.Was this what I wanted?Once upon a time, I’d applied for my school building leadership certification. Todd pushed me to so I could bring home more money, but my heart wasn’t in it. Now, however, pursuing my admin degree held more appeal. I’d reached the end of what I could do as a teacher, and this might be the right step if I wanted to make a lasting change.
