Jason opened his mouth to say something else, but the woman in the row ahead of us turned and glared. We both nodded in apology, turning to focus as the prayers began.
Each moment of worship seemed longer than the last, and my mind couldn’t help but wander.
And its favorite location lately?
Damien Ramos.
Heat soured my cheeks as last weekend came to mind, when he spent hours worshipping me in his bed, only for us to have to pretend to be strangers at the game. He texted a few times in the days since, but I hadn’t responded, unsure how to explain my thoughts even to myself. After all, what kind of person seduced someone and convinced him to keep it a secret, only to get upset when it stayed that way?
Oh, right. Me. That was who.
Honestly, I was more upset with myself than Damien. He’d done exactly what we’d agreed. He’d been friendly when our paths crossed, and I was the one who couldn’t manage to string together any coherent sentences. But every time he texted, that tendril of guilt and confusion grew teeth, and I wasn’t ready to face them quite yet.
A buzzing formed at the base of my skull, the sign a headache was beginning to brew. I needed to get out of here. After only a few minutes in thechurch, exhaustion already plagued me from the pitying glances and empty prayers. Maybe I should end this thing with Damien for good. God knows my mother was already praying three times a day for Todd and me to reconcile. If she found out I had multiple no-strings attached sex sessions with someone, much less a man who wasn’t Orthodox? There’d be no coming back.
Jason nudged me with his elbow, furrowing his brow in silent question. I smiled back at him, hoping it’d come off more reassuring than it felt. He furrowed his brow but turned back toward my mom, taking her hand. She beamed back at him before looking at me and mouthing for me to sit up. Shaking my head, I focused back on the services. Jason had an easier relationship with both my parents. He’d been the golden child growing up—star of the high school football team, valedictorian, and accepted into an Ivy league university. He even married his high school sweetheart, whose parents were a staple at Holy Trinity. For a long time, I’d tried to keep up, tried to be the girl my parents envisioned.
But even after following all the right steps, my life still fell apart, leaving me alone in the rubble. When my family should have rallied around me, they instead looked at me like I had a scarlet letter pressed into my chest—the pathetic woman whose husband left her for someone else.
Slamming my eyes closed, I forced the tears away, pretending the droning sermon moved me. I’d mourned the end of my past life a while ago, but forgiving my family for letting me flounder? Those wounds wouldtake a lot longer to heal.
Despite the conclusion of worship,church didn’t end when the priest dismissed us. No, instead, there was always the after—hours of socializing with my mother as she paraded around the community room like the queen of the congregation.
I sat at the edge of the room, poking my room-temperature moussaka with the edge of my fork. Jason disappeared shortly after the priest wished us well, returning to his sick children. Honestly, I’d rather deal with the germs than the empty platitudes I’d received for the last hour.
You should leave.
The voice in the back of my mind called out, sounding suspiciously like Ollie. But despite my annoyance, I stayed seated, unable to leave until my mother dismissed me. Our relationship might be strained at the moment, but I still hated disappointing her, choosing my discomfort over her disappointment.
“Hey, Bri.”
My spine straightened as the familiar voice washed over me.Todd.As I looked up to meet his eyes, nausea curled into my stomach. It was a good thing I hadn’t eaten. Throwing up on his fancy loafers would be church fodder for months. My eyes darted to my mother, who didn’t look surprised to see him.
What the hell was she doing?
Todd motioned to the chair across from me. “Can I sit?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk to you, and you haven’t been returning any of my calls and texts.”
“Yes, because we’redivorced, and you’re getting remarried, Todd. There is nothing for us to talk about.”
“Come on, Bri,” Todd said as he scooted into the seat next to me. My whole body went rigid. “We were such agood team for so long. Our marriage didn’t work out, but I’d like it if we could be friends.” He sighed, running his hand through his blond hair. “I miss you, miss talking to you. I didn’t realize?—”
“No.” His green eyes darted up to meet mine. For a moment, I almost wavered, hating the anguish in his expression. That primal part of me wanted to soothe it away, to make promises that would ease some of his pain. But I couldn’t, not after everything we’d been through. “Our friendship—all of it—died when you chose to cheat, Todd. It’s not the end of the marriage that ruined us. No, it was the lying, the deception. If you told me?—”
“I tried!”
“Not hard enough,” I answered. “The moment you crossed that line, there was no going back, for either of us.”
I stood to leave despite my mother’s frown, but Todd’s voice broke through the din of the room. “I made a mistake.” My knees shook as he stared up at me, genuine contrition reflecting at me for the very first time. “Bri, you were the best thing in my life, and for years, I took you for granted. Never realized?—”
“Todd, please, don’t do this.” My voice cracked, emotion clawing its way up through my chest. “It’s too late.”
Defeat slumped his shoulders, and he nodded. Before he could say anything else, my mother walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. All hope of her standing up for me died when she leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Good to see you, Todd.”
“You too, Mrs. Sideris,” he said as he cleared his throat and stood. “Thank you for letting me come to service.”
