She was quick to shake her head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I just want you to weighallsides. And maybe it’s not an all or nothing situation. You’re smart, Rhett. I bet you can come up with a decision that you can live with long term. Just… sit on it. You don’thaveto make a choice today.”
I swallowed hard. “And what if he dies while I’m thinking about it?”
Dr. Candace shrugged. “I’m not professionally permitted to say what I want to say on that matter, Rhett. But I urge you not to make any rash decisions here. Talk it over with Billie or with Jace and Grayson. They could attack it from a whole different angle. Maybe there’s an outcome that would make it worth the sacrifice. Maybe there’s not. But I do know that you’d regret not considering all the options.”
She was probably right. I should talk it through with the whole band… Angelo included. They would have a different perspective.
“So. Tell me about this photographer you attacked in the street last week,” she suggested with a twinkle of amusement.
I groaned and flopped back in the armchair dramatically. “What an asshole. Did you see that he tried to fileassaultcharges? He was the one who jumped out in front of us and stuck a camera in Billie’s face.”
Dr. Candace gave a knowing smile. “I suspected as much. You’re very protective of her.”
“With good fucking reason,” I grumbled, toying with my lip piercing as I frowned. “She never asked for all the shit we put up with for being famous, and the fans were tearing her to shreds for the relationship dynamic we’ve all entered into. I just hope she hasn’t seen the worst of it, the keyboard warriors.
Silence echoed through the room while I stared at the ceiling, thinking that over.
“I’m scared,” I finally admitted, still looking at the AC vent above my chair. “I’m scared that the press and the intense scrutiny will all be too much for her one of these days. I’m terrified that she’ll get tired of having to leave the house with security or in disguise, and one day we won’t be enough to balance it all out. Does that sound stupid?”
“The right answer here is no,” the doc said with a hint of amusement. “But since I personallyknowBillie and know how deep the love runs between you all… yeah, Rhett, it does sound stupid. That girl won’t get chased off by some persistent paparazzi any more than you’ll leave her for a groupie when you next go on tour.”
I made an exaggerated gagging sound, and the doc chuckled warmly.
“I think you see my point.” She smiled, crossing her legs. “That’s not to say you won’t have challenges and hardships ahead. But you two are more than capable of staying strong no matter what comes your way.”
I coughed as emotions welled up in my chest. “Shit, doc, you’re going to make me cry.”
“Nothing wrong with crying, Rhett,” she told me. “It’s a normal human reaction to strong emotion. I’d like to hear more about how things are going with the band, though. How is the dynamic now that Angelo has joined?”
This was a topic I was much more comfortable discussing. “Honestly, to my surprise, the dynamic is great.”
I must have paused a little long there, so she added. “Why is that such a surprise?”
Letting out a long breath, I shifted to get more comfortable. “On the surface, Angelo is about as far from a rock star bandmate as one can get. He’s all polished lines and scary intentions. Too smooth and cold for the fire of making magic through song. It appeared there was zero music in his soul, and yet… it’s there. Fuck me dead, it’s actually there. That guy kills it on his bass, and now that I’m not worried about him trying to poach lead from me, I can appreciate the beautiful sounds he can create.”
“How is he fitting in with the everyone?” she asked. It was a loaded question, on multiple fronts.
“Jace has his OG best friend back, and it’s brought almost as much happiness to him as Billie being back.” Fuck, I hadn’t ever seen Jace like this, and despite the bastard being all sappy and filled with joy, my heart was damn happy to see him so happy. “Grayson appears to enjoy another”—I cleared my throat—“alpha malein the group for him to share bonding time.” Two murderous bastards discussing their pastime of burying bodies. “And Billie has loved Angelo since they were children too. If it makes my girl happy, then…” I shrugged.
Dr. Candace shot me the kind of smile that made me feel warm inside. Not in a creepy crush on your therapist way, but in ayou’re showing some real growth and I’m proud of youway. Like a mom. Since I definitely had some fucking mom issues, it wasn’t a huge surprise that I was projecting that need onto the older, caring, female figure in my life.
Didn’t need a PHD to diagnose myself with that one.
“Before our time is up, is there anything else you want to talk to me about?”
A million thoughts tried to smash into my head at the same time, leaving me all but blank as I stared at her. “I don’t think so. I just needed some clarity about my grandfather and this situation. I have spent a lot of years not thinking about them. They were as good as dead to me, and yet… I never fucking slept, I still had nightmares when I did manage to sleep, and I was self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. If anything, I feel like I held them tighter in the years I was away from them than I did while living there.”
The doc nodded twice, expression calm. “That’s understandable because you never allowed yourself to truly let go of the trauma. You tried to grow from it, but you just grew around it, leaving it as the center of your being. But that is changing, Rhett. The last month speaking with you has been truly wonderful for me as a therapist. You are a textbook case of acknowledging there is an issue and then putting everything you have into dealing with it. I’m proud of you.”
Fuck. Fucking hell. The tight sensation across my chest wasn’t new, but this time I didn’t get pissed at myself for it. Bottling up my damn emotions and hiding from my pain is what got me into this position in the first place.
“I’m ready to face him,” I said finally, when I got myself sorted. “Ready to look them both in the eye and release them from my life one last time. Jeremiah might think he can control everyone, from the damn police to the doctors to the fucking IRS…”
A sudden thought occurred to me as I was listing out how deep Jeremiah’s corruption went, and with that thought, I wondered if maybe there was a way to twist this entire situation to my advantage.
“You were saying?” Dr. Candace prompted.
“All his to control, but not me any longer,” I finished in a rush. “I’m no longer his to control.”
