Jace was silent, and I wondered if he’d just run now. Now that I’d made it a touch more difficult for him in this journey he’d started toward healing. But just because he was ready to look to the future, didn’t make his recent hateful words hurt any less. Not the shit that went down nearly nine years ago, but the shit he’d said in recent months. That was what I was struggling to move past.
“You’re right,” he whispered. And fucking hell… I was surprised he’d so readily agreed. “I have said and done some unforgivable things to you, Rose. So along with rebuilding trust and never letting you down, I’m going to start today with something I should have said long ago. I’m sorry.”
Two words. Straight to the heart like an arrow from the devil’s bow.
He has a bow; it’s obvious.
“I’m sorry for not fighting harder for you when we were teenagers,” Jace continued, even though I hadn’t said a word. I was just staring at him like my mind was temporarily out of commission. It actually kind of was.
“I’m sorry that I spent the next eight years feeling sorry for myself, and instead of growing into a strong man who was worthy of you, I ended up a pathetic mess who thrived in his pain.”
As mad as I’d been at Jace over the years, and especially over the last many months together, it bothered me to hear him speak ill of himself. I barely managed to stop myself from defending the man back to himself.
“I’m sorry that when you told me about the baby, my first instinct was to fall into my own pain once more. For that, I will be eternally sorry. Blaming you, when in reality it was me I was mad at, is one of the most fucked up things I’ve ever done. I should have been there with you, Rose. I should have fucking protected you. And whether we would’ve lost our little girl anyway because that was her life path, who knows, but I should have been there. Either way, I’ll never forgive myself for that. It’s why I insisted on therapy because I needed to do anything I could to help you heal, to try and repair the damage I’d caused by not being there when you needed me the most.”
At this point I had to interject.
“No, Jace.” I shook my head roughly. “That’s not yours to carry. It was my choice to lie to you. Mine. And as a result,Itook away your chance to be there. I understand why you were so angry with me in the forest. If someone took away my choices like I did to you, I’d be mad as well. Big fucking mad. So for that, I’m sorry.”
Fault lay on both sides in this fucked up set of circumstances. Both of us had a lot to make up for, and maybe… just fucking maybe, for the first time, we might finally be moving in the right direction.
Jace placed his hand against my face, the heat of his palm burning through me to join the inferno roaring in my chest. “You have always been selfless, Rose,” he whispered. “Your lie was for me, and my reaction was for me. There’s been too muchmein this journey so far, and I’m ready for there to be so much moreyou.”
“What about anus?” I choked out.
His expression softened, and there was so much emotion in that gaze. So muchlove.My tears slipped free before I could stop them.
“There’s always been an us,” he told me, his thumb caressing my cheek as he wiped tears away. “And there always will be. We were a forever from the first moment we met.”
Deep, painful sobs ripped from my chest as I crumbled forward. Jace wrapped me up so tightly, holding me like I was the most precious person in the world.
“The love never did go anywhere,” I told him, letting myself relax against Jace. A salty chlorine scent mixed with the subtle hint of his aftershave, the familiar scent of my first love. It started to calm me, the tears finally subsiding. That had been a cleansing sort of pain, and while we weren’t fixed by any means, we had started the healing process. Finally. “Our trust is damaged,” I continued softly, “but I have to believe that it can be repaired. That we can find the happiness that we deserve. If there’s enough love, it will be worth the fight.”
I’d never truly been able to let him go, and for that reason, I was willing to give this a real shot.
His grip firmed to the point it was almost painful, but I didn’t make a sound. I’d never make a fucking sound, even if he ended up breaking all my ribs. We needed this more than any other healing in the world, and when the last of the tears seeped from between my lids, I knew I wasn’t the only one overwhelmed with grief and pain… and love. So much love and hope.
Jace held me like that for so long that I lost track of time, and my body started to wrinkle into a giant prune. When we eventually pulled apart, I tilted my head back to stare into his beautiful face. A face that, for once, held no anger or pain or resentment. He looked free in a way I hadn’t seen in years. Young and free from the burdens of our lives.
One of his arms loosened so he could cup my face once more. “Forever, Rose. That’s what I need from you.”
I needed the same, but it was going to take time.
“As amazing as it is to hear you say that,” I said, clearing my throat, “I’m moving forward cautiously. We have a lot of shit to sort out still, but as long as you’re ready to work toward the same end goal, then we are in agreement.”
Jace just stared, and I felt the need to continue on in my verbal babble. “What I’m saying is that rebuilding trust is going to take time. I have worries, fears, and reservations. All the love in the world won’t change that until… I guess it does change.”
I worried about pushing back against him once more, unsure of how he’d react, but all he did was smile. A real, genuine smile. “I’ve got the rest of my life, Rose. I’ve got all the fucking time.” He kissed me before I could say a word, and then there were no more thoughts. Our lips moved together without the anger and lust that usually drove our kisses, and I got to truly explore his mouth—his taste, his tongue, still dominant as it claimed mine—and it brought back so many memories.
Jace had been my first in all ways. First love, kiss, sex. Angelo had been my second in all things.
In the end it made no difference. I loved them both exactly the same, but there was a poignancy in this moment. A circle of where we’d begun, where we’d been, and now back to the start again.
“I love you, Rose,” Jace whispered against my mouth, and despite all the bad shit that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, I found myself smiling. This moment would be actually perfect if Angel were here.
“I love you too,” I replied. “Always have, always will.”
As we both knew and had agreed on, a lack of love had never been our issue.
