BILLIE
After almost revealing my secret to Jace, I lost my shit for two hours and hid in my room, tears streaming down my cheeks in a relentless emotional release. It was like a dam had been broken, and none of my usual tactics to suppress emotions were working. Was this all just fallout from the years of keeping this secret from Jace and finally, almost anyway, revealing everything to him in one explosive conversation?
Was there even a sliver of relief in my pain, despite my not knowing if he’d even heard that one random line that had slipped out? Maybe, once he knew, we could hash it all out and finally move on with our lives. I didn’t need Jace to love me, but it would be nice if he didn’t hate me with the sort of passion that spanned multiple albums and resulted in a ton of Grammies and AMA awards. Fucker.
Thankfully, during my little breakdown, the band was locked in the basement recording, and Angelo was out on the phone, taking care of mafia business. Or whatever the hell he did for hours on the phone. So I got to lose myself in peace, and these days, moments of peace were all I could ask for.
Especially from Angelo. In some ways, we’d never been farther apart than we were right this minute as an alleged couple about to have a baby. I barely recognized the guy I’d once loved. Who I’d once dreamed of spending my life with, along with his best friend.
We were all different people now, shaped through our choices, with many new scars. But that didn’t change the fact that our past would always be with us. Haunting our every fucking step, until we finally figured out how to let it go.
If that was even possible.
When my stomach protested loudly, reminding me we had skipped out on the sandwich, I finally pulled myself together and had a quick shower to help calm the puffy, red-eyed look. By the time I emerged, dressed in the same outfit, I felt a little better—definitely calmer, with my game face back on. This was not the time to forget we were in a life-and-death situation, and being surrounded by sexy rock stars who each owned a small piece of me was no excuse to go endangering them all.
That would make my sacrifice, both times, completely worthless.
If that was the case, I wasn’t sure I could remain in any sort of mentally stable state.
Entering the kitchen, I tried not to flinch when I came face to face with Rhett. He was the only one there, calmly stirring something on the stove. When he lifted his gaze to meet mine, his eyes were a touch bloodshot, but otherwise, he looked very clear and sober.
My puffy face probably had him thinking I’d been hitting the drugs and alcohol, even with the baby belly sticking out before me.
“Hey,” he said calmly.
If he’d have thrown that pan at me, I’d have been a little less shocked.
“Hey?” I replied, a questioning tone slipping out in that one repeated word.
“Are you hungry?” he added conversationally, as if the past almost two months hadn’t happened. Along with the angry words he’d thrown at me this morning, which had more than implied he fucking hated my guts.
Unable to help myself, I quickly glanced around, wondering if there was a film crew here or something. Someone had to be supervising to have Rhett’s attitude do such a three-sixty from the last time I saw him. I mean, he’d been furious and out of control, and I couldn’t blame him for either.
But this… this was calm and domesticated, and it was freaking me the fuck out.
“You look hungry,” he continued when I remained in shocked silence. “Take a seat. I’m making a chicken stir-fry, using some of the fresh ingredients from the greenhouse. This place is actually way more self-sufficient than I expected when we were first ferried here. I mean, it was like 2 A.M when we arrived, so we didn’t see much, but still… I could get used to this sort of life.”
He moved away from the stove for a second and pulled out one of the white leather stools in front of the island bench. “Sit,” he insisted, and in my state of shock, I managed to stumble forward and attempt to hoist my bulk into the high-backed chair. After my second attempt, Rhett let out a low chuckle before he wrapped his hands around my waist and lifted me like I weighed nothing.
“Little belly in the way,” he said with more humor in his tone. “Bet that takes some getting used to.”
No lie. I pinched my arm really hard, wondering if I was dreaming. Or maybe I’d fallen in the shower, hit my head, and now I was drowning while having the most perfect dream.
As Rhett returned to the other side of the bench and stove, his open and friendly expression met mine. “What is happening?” I rasped, desperate for some water. Or vodka.
He lifted the spatula in his left hand and started to stir the very delicious-smelling dish he was working on, before he reached over and stirred the pot of rice with a large spoon in his right. “What do you mean? I’m cooking lunch for everyone.” A chuckle escaped him. “Don’t look so shocked. Despite the rock star status, I had to learn to cook at a really young age or I’d have starved. This is one of my favorite dishes.”
The fact that he could cook only added to the perfection of this guy. The ache in my heart at missing him was like a sharp jab. Just sitting here now, seeing his familiar piercings and blue mohawk, reminded me of how much we’d shared. Hurting Rhett was high on my list of life’s regrets, and the fact that I couldn’t just spew out all my truths right now was chipping away at the little sanity I still had left.
“It smells delicious.” I choked on the pleasant words as I decided to play along with his charade. “It’s nice of you to make lunch for everyone.”
Speaking of, where the fuck was everyone, and why wasn’t Angelo back in the house yet? It was entirely too quiet; this afternoon felt like I’d stumbled into the twilight zone.
“I’m a nice guy,” Rhett said simply, focusing on the food as he added a few more spices. “Is there anything I should be aware of in feeding a pregnant person? Are you not allowed specific foods?”
Okay, evidently, we were havingthis conversation.Aware of the cameras, I forced a smile on my face. “Sushi, undercooked meats, some soft cheeses, items that haven’t been reheated really well, along with ham and processed meat products. I mean, it’s all just a warning, but I’ve been trying my best to stick with the rules. For once.”
It was no huge sacrifice to give up on a few products for nine months of life to ensure a healthy child.
