“It’s not fair.”
The words slipped out before I could stop them, but thankfully, as I exited the limo, the guys were a few steps behind me and didn’t appear to hear. Or at least they didn’t question me.
Not even ten minutes into my charade for the evening I was already cracking at the edges. I had to get myself together, but it had been a long time since I’d had something to lose. It was throwing me into all kinds of turmoil.
Madison Square Garden—the venue for tonight’s show—was utterly iconic, and it served as a decent distraction as we were ushered inside with a ton of security. Fans were screaming up and down the walkways but were a dozen or so yards from where we walked, so no one could reach out and touch the band. Much to the fans’ disappointment.
I saw more than one dark expression leveled on me, and I tried not to think about how many ways I was going to have to change my appearance after this to truly disappear. Bellerose’s fame had bled into me, and not in a good way. If the expressions I was seeing were any indication, these bitches would laugh as I got murdered by the Ricci family right in front of them.
Shaking my head, I turned away and did my best to ignore them. That was a future Billie problem, and I was determined that nothing would fuck with my last night. I was going to enjoy this concert. Music had been a huge part of my life, and seeing it live was a gift.
My last gift.
Rhett’s arm slipped over my shoulder as we entered the side access to the venue. The doors closed behind us, and the lack of screaming fans was immediately noticeable. It wasn’t quiet in here by any estimate, but it was much more relaxed than outside.
A roadie appeared a second later, clipboard in her arms. “You guys are needed now,” she said in a rush. It wasn’t a rude tone, but clearly the schedule was a concern, and she got that point across.
Rhett and Grayson nodded. The other band members were already a few steps ahead, moving down a long hallway. This was similar to other venues we’d been in, and I knew that this would lead to the greenroom, dressing areas, and side of the stage.
The side of the stage and my last night with Bellerose. Was I ready for this?
Not a fucking chance.
thirty-seven
BILLIE
We got there in another five minutes, and it was a hub of activity. The opening band had just finished and the stage was being reset, all the last minute checks happening, and the guys went into rock star mode. I’d noticed over my time with them, that each had their own pre-concert ritual, and without fail, they all followed through.
Jace went off on his own, heading for his dressing room where he’d change into one of the many ripped shirts and jeans he wore, showcasing his height and broad shoulders, his full right-arm sleeve tattoo always on display. I had no idea what he did in his dressing room alone, but as far as I could tell, no one ever entered during this preshow ritual.
A ritual I’d never know in more detail. Funny, when once upon a time, I knew every single part of that boy.
The others I had more of an idea about. Flo always did stretches and a light meditation. She preferred to do it in the chaos of setup though, just off to the side, and Tom watched her with a lecherous look on his face. Goddamn, I wanted to punch that fucking expression right off his face. I cared about Florence, and she could do so much better. It wasn’t the rodent exterior; everyone had different attractions. Nope. It was the personality. Every inch of him was disgusting.
I hoped the band figured out a way to get rid of him.
If Rhett and Grayson were any indication, they were considering it. Speaking of, they were in the midst of their rituals too. I took a second to step back and really take them in. The glorious beauty of both was so captivating that my heart wasn’t the only part of me aching.
Rhett liked to shadow box in the corner for a few minutes, psyching himself up, and he always checked the set list three times. As if he was scared to forget the order, even when he could do this in this sleep.
The green of his faux-hawk was extra bright tonight. He’d had it colored today by the looks, and it brought out the green in his eyes, so they were near piercing. He also obsessively played with the ring in the corner of his lip, and all I could think about was kissing him. I didn’t though, because interrupting their ritual was not in my schedule tonight. I’d get a kiss before he went on stage, just as I always did.
Then there was Grayson. Standing with his back against the wall, watching everything that went on. Only tonight, he was watching me. As our eyes met, I tried not to flinch at the steel in his. His observation was a worry, especially with my woeful acting skills. Had he seen the goodbye in my expression as I watched them all for the last time? Shit.
When I offered him a tentative smile, he lifted a hand and crooked a finger, indicating he wanted me to come toward him. Just like always, when this guy commanded me, my fucking legs moved.
He finally smiled. “Good girl,” he rumbled when I reached his side, and fuck if my body didn’t heat as my legs went a tiny bit weak.
“What’s up?” I managed to choke out.
“Florence said that you’re in the front VIP section tonight. Why?”
Blunt. No lifting of his gaze to give me a moment to breathe. My neck hurt as I had to crane it so far back to see his face, and still, I couldn’t look away. “I want to see you properly tonight. A real concert experience. It’s time for me to let go of my pain about the music and enjoy the talent of people I…” I swallowed roughly. “People I care about.”
His huge palm wrapped around my face as he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine. “If you run, little hedgehog,” he whispered as our lips parted, “I will find you.”
He was gone then, leaving me absolutely breathless and broken. He’d seen right the fuck through me, and I wondered if even from on stage he would actually jump up from the drums to go right after me. That would destroy my plan in seconds. I just had to hope that there was a moment he wasn’t watching me that I could escape. I needed minutes. Just minutes.
