“You don’t want to?” I had to ask.
She wrinkled that cute fucking nose. “Not really. Can you blame me? A whole concert about how much Jace hates me and how badly I betrayed him? Not really my idea of a good time. But I guess…” She bit the edge of her lip again. Fuck, why did that nervous gesture drive me insane? “I guess for the sake of safety I could just wear earmuffs and read a book or something.”
That mental image made me huff a laugh out loud. Billie gave me a startled look, and awkwardness crept over my skin like a rash.
“Um,” I replied, sounding dumb asfuck. “Okay. Whatever works. I should…” I gestured toward the bunks, then gave up and exited before I could scare her any further.
Fuck. Tiny little Billie Bellerose with all her adorable prickles was making me feel like a damn teenager again.
nineteen
BILLIE
The room felt about ten times larger when Grayson left to go back to the bunks. He was a huge guy, there was no denying that, but even more than that, his presence filled every space. For someone who barely talked, there was a charisma and sense of danger that surrounded him, and I found my focus drifting his way, even when he was busy doing something else.
Something like protecting me from a fucking roadblock.
Those state troopers hadn’t suspected I was onboard, so they hadn’t pushed anything, but it was clear the Ricci family was stepping up the search for me to the next level. I’d heard enough to know there was a photo of me. There was an accusation of murder…
Liz’s lifeless face flashed across my vision, and I had to swallow hard multiple times to stop myself from vomiting across the table. The charcuterie board almost made an appearance again, but somehow, I managed to keep it contained.
Fucking fuck. They were too powerful. Would I even be able to disappear in a city as huge as New York? Would I have to change my appearance and name completely this time? Or would I end up on the streets trying to keep myself clothed, fed, and unmolested?
Exhaustion pressed on me until I slid halfway down the chair and slumped forward, my head hitting the top of the table.
My life wasn’t supposed to be like this. This had not been in the fucking plans. It was true what they said: Life could change in an instant, so embrace every day. I didn’t do enough embracing when I was safe and loved.
A cleared throat had my head jerking up. Jace stood there in the very spot Grayson had been a few minutes ago, and the dread-slash-anticipation I’d been holding onto all day about seeing him surged up in another stomach-churning wave of nausea.
Our gazes locked for a moment, and even as the voice inside my head screamed at me to look away,run away,that tonight, with everything else, I couldn’t handle the venom in his gaze, I couldn’t bring myself to break the stare.
It had been too long since I’d stared into those depthless blue eyes, tracking the minute color changes as his mood went from playful to sexy to alpha. He had the ability to be all three in the same moment, but his eyes always gave away which part of him was the most in charge.
This late afternoon, in the low light of the bus, his eyes looked almost black.
A color I’d never seen until the day I broke both our hearts.
“I deserve an explanation,” he said suddenly, husky tones lower than usual.
The demand was so unexpected that it took me at least two minutes to respond as my brain scrambled to make sense of what he was wanting.
“An explanation?” I finally bit out, anger surging to life inside of me. “You thinkyoudeserve an explanation? After the fucking life you went on to live while I was struggling every damn day! It was almost ten years ago, Jace! There is no explanation I could give you that would make up for the fact that you never checked on me, even once, in ten fucking years.”
At some point I’d surged to my feet, half bent over in the booth, so I could snarl those words at him and probably wake the bus. Jace’s head snapped back at the venom in my words, no doubt expecting poor, pathetic Billie again. But fuck that noise. I was done being any man’s punching bag.
“I was sixteen years old, Jace,” I told him, my voice quieter. Calm. As I forced down my anger and pain. “You gave me no grace and just assumed the worst. I’m not the only one with blame here.”
Easing out of the booth, I sidled beside him, trying not to focus on the way the heat from his body seemed to slide across my skin when we were close. He smelled the same too, but also different… This was a form of torture I was ill-equipped to deal with.
The Jace before me was bothmineand one I had no true knowledge of, but I knew one thing for sure: if I wanted to keep my sanity, I had to hold onto my anger. Anger I could deal with. It was the other emotions that would destroy me, and in truth, I couldn’t give him the explanation today. Not with so much pressure and pain in the room. I’d break, and I had no time to break when I was running for my life.
Making my way back into the bedroom, I opened and closed the door silently, despite the way my hands visibly shook. When the door was secured, I leaned back against it, trying to calm the racing of my heart before I climbed into bed with Rhett. Only I never got the chance. Warm, strong arms wrapped around me, and for a moment, I collapsed into Rhett’s hold, allowing him to take some of my pain.
It was selfish of me. This guy had more than enough pain of his own to deal with. But soon I’d be alone, and I wanted the comfort that had been denied to me for so long. “You’re not alone,” he whispered before he scooped me up into his arms. “I don’t care what Jace needs. I don’t fucking care if this breaks the band up; I won’t let you deal with this shit alone. Do you hear me?”
He was whispering the words against my skin near my right ear as he brought us back to the bed and gently set me down. I was shaking, and I had to be stronger than this, but I’d always had visceral reactions to Jace. In all ways.
“I won’t break you up,” I managed to say before my throat closed over. I wasn’t going to fucking cry. Not when I’d flooded half the damn town with my tears at sixteen. When they’d finally dried up, I’d told myself that I was done crying over Jace Adams. He hadn’t exactly fought to stay with me, and I had the sense that he’d buried himself in alcohol and pussy to move past us, not tears and ice-cream like me.
