Again, he nods.
Sinking into my chair, I can’t keep my hunger at bay any longer. A glass of water appears as I tuck in to the food and Roman pulls up a chair near to me.
As I eat, all of the information Reaper gave me is at the front of my mind.
“Crone wants power, doesn’t she?” I ask.
The tension reappears in Roman’s expression. “Arga will be her puppet, although he’s too arrogant to realize it yet. Crone will orchestrate his victory in the Elimination and then he’ll owe her.”
I asked Roman earlier if he thought Koda had had something to do with my father’s disappearance, but it’s becoming clearer that Crone has more motivation than anyone. “Do you think Crone was involved in my father’s disappearance?”
Roman leans back in his chair. “I haven’t been able to find a direct link or any hard evidence proving her involvement. I have to find your father first. Only he will be able to tell me.”
If Roman could find my father, then the Elimination wouldn’t need to continue. “You said you searched everywhere in Mortem, even in the Scourge, but you didn’t get far on Earth. Do you have any other ideas where he might be?”
“There are hidden pockets on Centrum where he could be kept. But, other than that, there’s Stella-Astrum.”
“The angels’ realm?” I let out a laugh. “That would be an unlikely place to stash a demon, wouldn’t it?”
Roman exhales as he leans forward again. “Also, the best hiding place because nobody would look for him there.”
My smile fades. I don’t imagine that a demon has a high chance of surviving the angels’ realm. “How do you know he’s not dead?”
Roman’s hand passes across his chest and a violet stone appears within his fingertips—it’s the stone that Koda used to give him our father’s nightmare power. “Because this stone would have shattered if its owner were dead.”
The relief I feel at that surprises me—not because finding my father means returning Mortem to stability, but because… deep down… I need to meet him. I need to know who he is and why he made the choices he did before, and after, I was born.
I finish my meal and I feel much stronger, and I say so, but the decision about going back right away weighs on me.
Now that I’ve lost the first trial, my bargain with Crone is over. My sisters will remain in prison until I can find another way to get them out. Part of me—a very strong part—wants to rush back to Zilron and break them out of there right now. But another part of me agrees with Roman that to survive the rest of the trials, I need to understand my power. And, right now, I have time for that, because Crone has to wait for me.
Roman places his hand on the table near mine, as if he wants to reach for me, but thinks better of it. “Nova, once you go back, I will have to step away from you and—fuck—it was hard to keep my distance before,” he says. “It’s going to kill me to do it again. There’s a lot I need to tell you. There’s a lot you wanted me to teach you about this world. This is your chance.” He meets my eyes, the stormy, green swirls in his irises arresting my attention. “Stay with me. Here. For a few days. A week. A month, even.”
His request is so alluring. He makes it sound as if I could choose never to go back.
“A few days,” I manage to say. “I can’t leave my sisters any longer than that.”
As I speak, I feel a small jolt of surprise. Roman reflects the same emotion back to me, as if neither of us expected me to agree. Maybe it says something about how rarely I allow myself to take the easy path in life. Normally, I’d be fighting to get back and kick Crone in her evil face, while ensuring my pack is safe from any further machinations.
But, as I sit in Roman’s cozy, understated, but absolutely perfect cabin in the Wilds, I’m struck by the urge to give myself this moment. Both of us, really. It takes faith in his promise that my sisters are safe, but my senses are telling me that it’s the truth. That I have this time if I need it.
Damn, I really want it.
“I need to use this to my advantage,” I say. “I can’t be blindsided again by Crone. I have to be two steps ahead of her from here on out.”
Roman’s smile is slow, and I sense his approval. “You need to train, and I can help you with that.”
Despite how comfortable I feel about this decision, I’m aware that my goals are shifting. I need to survive the Elimination, but I also need to avoid winning it. Unless…
For the first time, I force myself to face the possibility that survival and winning might go hand in hand. That I might not be able to achieve one without the other.
I speak my thoughts aloud—but carefully. “If I win the Elimination and become Mortem’s Queen, I’ll have complete power to give my sisters their freedom. There won’t be any risk that we can’t get out using the weapon. I can send them home and nobody can stop me.”
The moment I speak, a trace of unease tingles over my skin.Mortem’s Queen… It doesn’t sit well with me, not least because it would mean saving my sisters, only to be torn apart from them when I have to stay here or risk destroying the Balance.
I rub my forehead, my choices feeling impossible.
Whatever smile had been forming on Roman’s perfect face has disappeared. “The politics of this world would destroy you, Nova. There has to be another way, but until I find it, I need you to play the role of a contender and stay alive for as long as possible.”
