Was this what family and pack life were really like? If so, I’d seriously been missing out. Even before my father’s death, I’d never experienced anything like that, and that might be the first real truth I recalled from my childhood. It had always been cold.
“What are you thinking?” Shadow asked as we strolled toward his room after leaving Inky guarding the lair entrance.
“I had a lot of fun tonight,” I said honestly. “I’ve never sat around in a group like that. Usually, I avoided anything to do with gatherings because it was hazardous to my health.”
Shadow did not like it when I talked about my life in Torma, but I wasn’t one to bottle that shit up. I didn’t dwell, and I didn’t think of it a lot, but I also wasn’t about to pretend it had never happened. To me, that wasn’t healthy, and for my own mental health, I had to talk it out.
“I mean, I do remember the early years, before my father decided that I was a demon child who needed to be torn apart by the alpha, but even then, I was lonely.”
Shadow’s expression grew darker. “I know you told me about your father briefly,” he said, “but I’m going to need you to elaborate again. Now that I’m in my right mind.”
“You want to know why he attacked the alpha?”
Shadow nodded, and I experienced a warm burst of emotion inside—he cared enough to ask for more information. “Apparently, it started when I was five,” I started, before going on to detail everything I’d learned from the Lewisons, and my own theory that my Nexus side would escape when it was about loss or protecting loved ones and not about protecting myself.
Shadow listened intently, his hand on the doorframe of his room that had just appeared before us. “You’re definitely geared more to altruism than self-protection,” he agreed gruffly. “Hence why the abuse toward you never tapped into your Nexus side. You’re too strong of mind and body. You can handle anything thrown at you—fuck, you handled everything I threw at you, all the while tossing it right back in my face. But when your loved ones are hurt, that’s when you crumble.”
He knew me better than I realized. Shadow saw everything, and he was too smart not to piece together. “I’ve thought about this a lot, especially when I was trying to recall what triggered my first bout with fire power.”
“Did you remember?”
I swallowed roughly because I had recently remembered.
It was a painful memory for me, but I’d tell Shadow. “I’d blocked this out because at the time, it was so traumatic for my young mind,” I said softly, “but I’ve had to force myself to delve into the past recently, and with that, the memories returned.” I swallowed hard and he reached out and took my hand, but didn’t say a word, allowing me to speak in my own time.
“I had a pet rabbit from the age of three.” I sighed. “My parents apparently allowed me to roam free through the woods, and somehow, I found a brown bunny. No one in Torma had pets because Victor had an issue with wolves befriending food, but I was too young to understand how serious his rule was. I visited my bunny every day, and for two years he was my friend, until one time we played too close to the house and an enforcer caught sight of it.”
They’d killed him. Just an innocent animal who’d made a mistake in trusting me.
“It was my first taste of loss. I didn’t handle it well.” I swallowed roughly. “I still don’t handle it well. We can’t lose anyone else in this war… We just can’t.”
Shadow stared at me for this extended, heavy moment. The connection between us thrumming wildly, like a baby bird taking flight for the first time.
“I can’t promise that you won’t lose anyone,” Shadow said, leaning into me, his nose scenting along my cheek. “But Icanpromise that no matter what happens, you won’t face it alone. We’ll fight together and give it everything we have.”
His words were comforting and ominous at the same time, but I understood why it was a promise he couldn’t make. None of us knew what would happen when we faced Dannie. But at least we had one last night before our final battle.
Shadow and I entered his room, and I had to pinch myself at how couple-y we were tonight. He led me into the bathroom, where he ran the shower hard and hot, dragging me under fully clothed. He leaned over to kiss me, and I was already pushing myself up to meet him, my hands scrambling against his shirt so I could rip it from his body.
We were naked in seconds, and he was inside me in the next second, the heat of the water almost cool compared to the flames of our power. Every time we joined like this, there was a solidifying of our bond, and I was starting to understand how this mate bond truly worked.
Torin and I had the initial pull, but that would never have been enough. We were missing the fuel to fan the fire. Shadow and I were filled with fuel and spark and flames, and our fire grew stronger every day.
Moaning, I clawed at his shoulders as the orgasm hit me. The first of many, and by the time we finally got clean and crawled into bed, we were only going to get a few hours’ sleep.
Lucky, we were supernatural creatures because I wasn’t giving up the sex for sleep. No freaking way.
* * *
Far too early thenext morning, I was dragged out of bed by a very naked Shadow. He deposited me in the wardrobe and told me to get dressed, and maybe it was my sleep-deprived state, but I honestly couldn’t hear a word he was saying around that hard cock he sported like a weapon.
“Mera,” he said again, his tone both biting and amused. “I need you to focus, Sunshine.”
I groaned, my tongue darting out to moisten my lips because it was really thirsty in here… No wait, hot. It was really hot in here.
“I thought we weren’t leaving until later today,” I mumbled, my eyes still staring his dick down.
“We need to practice the fortress of binding circle this morning,” he reminded my addled brain. “It’s the strongest prison that can be formed, but it requires a skill and coordination that can take months to perfect. We have hours.”
