She nodded. "It is. But it's lonely."
I had no response to that. I'd never lived alone, but I understood feeling lonely with my whole soul. Maybe it was fate that’d brought Ruth and I together.
"Here." She held her mobile phone out to me. "We should have reception here. Give your parents a call while I stock up on supplies." She winked, and I hesitantly took the phone from her outstretched hand.
Ruth walked away, pushing her cart ahead of her, giving me the privacy I needed to call... no one. I had no one to call. There was no way in hell I was calling Blake—if he was even still alive—and I didn't know how to get ahold of Mary. Her number had been saved in my old phone, and I’d never memorized it.
Idiot.
So instead, I found myself making a fake phone call. Mariah Carey’s version of Christmas carols echoed through the store as I talked to my fake parents, and I nervously wandered over to the aisle with pregnancy tests. The second I spotted the shelf withallthe different options, though, my hands started sweating so hard I almost dropped Ruth's phone.
Then I just stood there, frozen with indecision. How the fuck was I supposed to know which test I needed? There wereso many. Digital ones, non-digital ones, ones with lines or smiley faces or the words "pregnant" and "not pregnant" and ones with early detection and...
"Fuck me, I'm going to faint," I whispered aloud, bracing my hand on the shelf in front of me as the world started tilting.
Ruth was there in an instant, though. She’d abandoned her shopping cart further down the aisle and rushed over to me, her arm wrapping around my waist as she supported my weight.
"Hey, now, none of that," she murmured, her voice soft and kind. "Come on; you need some fresh air."
I couldn't argue with her; I was too worried I was in the middle of a panic attack. So I just let her lead me out of the store and sit me down on a bench beside the main entrance.
"Now, will you be okay here for a minute, Brooke?" she asked, crouching down in front of me with a look of concern on her lined face. "Just take some deep breaths. I'll pop back in and pay for my things, then we can get going."
I jerked a nod, wrapping my arms around myself. Fucking hell. I couldn't evenbuythe test; how was I going to handle it if I really was pregnant? If there was an actual life growing inside me?
Holy crap. I was innoway ready to be a parent. No freaking way.
Ruth was quicker than I expected, coming back out of the store with several large bags weighing her down. On instinct, I jumped up to help her carry them, but she waved me off with a shake of her head.
"I'm stronger than I look," she told me with a laugh. "All this gray hair doesn't mean I'm a senior citizenquiteyet."
I trailed along beside her as she headed back to her car and loaded the bags into her trunk. Why I was still lurking around her, I had no idea. I needed to politely thank her and go back into that store. No matter how panicked I was at the idea of being pregnant, I needed to take the damn test.
"Well, thank you for everything," I told her with a tight smile. "I don't even know what just happened back there. I think I'm coming down with something."
Ruth let out a long sigh and gave me a knowing look. "Hop in the car, Brooke. I'll take you to my place until your parents can come get you."
My lips parted, a refusal on my tongue, but Ruth pulled a box from the pocket of her coat and handed it to me before I could speak.
A pregnancy test. I swallowed hard, trying to get myself together; I was crying way too much at the moment. “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you,” I choked out.
She just patted my arm. “Sometimes all you need is a little help to get through the day. Let me be that help for you.”
I shook my head. “I don’t deserve you, but I sure am glad you stopped for me today.”
Ruth didn’t know it, but she might have just saved my life. Again.
19
Ruth lived in the most perfect little house on an acre just outside of Warde. Her land was flat, dominated by the white farmhouse and red barn beside it. When she stopped the car, I had to take a second to really take in the perfection of the entire property.
I stared wistfully at the wide front porch strung with fairy lights, and white picket fences that lined either side of the house. In a side paddock were some goats and chickens, just topping off the perfection. "You live in paradise."
Ruth chuckled, taking a second to look around as well, like I'd reminded her of how picturesque her life was. "Yeah, you know, there are some benefits to no longer basing your life choices on what a man wants. You get the exact life you always imagined."
Playing with the box in my hand, I followed her up to the porch. A homemade wreath decorated her front door, and to me it was utter perfection. "Are you not lonely, though?"
She looked over her shoulder and dropped the bags on the ground to fumble with her keys. "I mean, sure, I definitely have nights when the snow falls so peacefully and I'm snug and warm with a hot cocoa where I feel like I'm missing that one person to share it with, but on the other hand, I sleep in a king-sized bed on my own, and it’s fucking fantastic."
