The thought of having casual sex now, though, actually turned my stomach.
I couldn't stop thinking about Jacob; I needed to know what it meant. I needed to deal with that part of my life.
Before I lost my brain. Or wore out my magic by turning my hands into the equivalent of a vibrator.
Thank fuck for having a separate wing in the house to my parents. From what I’d learned and observed, supes didn’t have a lot of the same conservative hang-ups about sex like humans, but I was raised human, so I liked that to stay private.
As a group, we left the house, a ruby beam already waiting for us in the front of the estate. It was huge, able to accommodate the twenty or so of us with ease. Stepping inside the warmth of the gem, I let it fill my energy, relishing the feel of its power mingling with mine. It felt like coming home, my center bursting with its light.
I was beyond excited to be able to control the ruby beams, traveling along them especially. It was a level of bonding that only royals achieved in these lands, and it would be a telling factor if I was accepted.
Maybe then I’d accept it myself.
We stepped out on the other side of the transporter to find a red lake spanning out into the distance. I hadn’t been this far north of our city before, but I’d seen the long expanse of red when I’d climbed to the top of my parents’ house.
There was no way to describe the feelings that rose up in me to finally be standing at its shoreline, a swift, almost biting breeze cutting into my bare skin, but the gems kept me warm.
“It looks like ice,” I said, stepping closer. The surface was so shiny and reflective; if it wasn’t for the slight movement of the water, I would have thought it frozen.
"The bed is lined in rubies, and swimming here has healing properties," my father explained, leading me closer, his arm threaded through mine. “It never gets cold enough to freeze though, even when the snows come. The gems keep it temperate.” He leaned his head down, bestowing the smile I’d grown to love. “You look absolutely beautiful, daughter.”
Our relationship was not as close as mine with Mom, but we were still working on it. My natural distrust of men made it hard to completely allow him into my heart, but he'd proven himself more than once, and I had seen no signs that there was a monster hiding inside his affable persona.
So I let him hug me, and I even returned it with a squeeze.
"You are beautiful," he repeated, pulling away. "And more importantly, you’re strong and smart and capable and brave. There's nothing you cannot achieve, and I'm proud to call you my daughter."
Well, fuck. I couldn't cry again ... my mother had painted my face in swirls of gold and red, and if I lost it now, it’d just be a pretty smear across my face.
"Thank you," I murmured. "I've never had anyone be proud of me, and I thought I didn't need to hear it, but … I did."
I was turning into a sappy sap.
I’d always laughed at those Hallmark commercials depicting the perfect family—pure envy drove me to mock their relationships. I’d craved that life with desperation, until eventually disappointment forced me to harden my heart and stop dreaming.
Maybe it was time to start again.
"What happens now?" I asked as more ruby fey gathered behind us.
Even though it was only the royal-blooded fey allowed to venture to the heart of the rubies, where we connected with our stones, the rest of the city was here to support me.
“You will cross the water," Deloria said, moving closer so the three of us were a line facing the lake. "On the other side is your destiny."
"Alone?" I asked.
For some reason I'd assumed they would be there.
"This is not a journey we can take with you," she replied, her voice practically vibrating with emotions. "But we are here, supporting, waiting, and loving you."
We hadn't used the words love before. Not like that.
Fuck. My chest.
It hurt.
"Thank you," I murmured. I'd never said "love" before to anyone, not even Grams, and my mouth froze, unable to speak it, while my chest ached from all the feelings in there.
The ruby glow on the water increased, distracting me, and I sucked in a deep breath.Focus.
