I narrowed my eyes on him. “You owe me, Ax. I promise I will tell Asher if we find anything important, but, otherwise, he doesn’t need to know.”
Guilt scrunched his face and I felt bad, but not bad enough to take it back. “Yeah, okay. You’re right,” he finally said. “I promise not to tell Ash unless we find something important. And then … you can tell him.”
That was the best I was going to get. I held my phone out to him and Axl stared down at it for a moment before he took the device. “I need you to trace a number,” I said softly. “I got some texts when I was coming home from Germany, and at first I thought they were Asher.” Axl would understand why the moment he read them. “But I checked and it wasn’t him. I’m worried that it might be something … bad.”
Axl didn’t dismiss me as crazy. He focused intently on my phone, his pen and paper magically appearing in his other hand as he immediately began to jot down some information.
“You got a new number,” he said softly.
“Yeah, my old phone got fried, remember?”
He nodded. “I thought you’d have the same number,” he said, even softer. “I called and texted you all the time.” The sadness in his eyes was killing me. Especially when he let out a strangled chuckle that almost sounded like a sob. “Part of me is glad you never got to see the pathetic mess I was.”
And that was why Axl had my forgiveness. He was good and pure in a way that the rest of us weren’t. “I missed you so much,” I said, letting some of the darker emotions I’d felt leak out. I was pretty good at keeping my walls up these days. “Please don’t ever cut me out like that again.”
A tear fell from his eye. Just one single tear, tracing down his tanned skin. “I don’t think I ever could,” he admitted.
Axl cleared his throat and started to work on tracing the number, both of us ready for some lighter emotions. When he had everything he needed from the phone, he handed it back to me and went to work in his magical notebook. At this stage I was well aware that there was nothing normal about the pen and paper he used; it had been created and spelled by him, and it was capable of so many things.
“There’s no trace,” he said a minute later, his pen moving furiously across the page. “I’ve checked it from every angle. Run multiple scenarios on it. It’s almost like … there’s no phone on the other end.”
I blinked. “But there’s clearly a number here that’s texting me.”
He pursed his lips. “I’ll keep trying, Mads, but I really think you should tell Asher. I mean, it’s not impossible to send electronic messages through another means, but even a magical means would normally be traceable. This is … different.”
“The gods,” I snarled. It had to be those bastards. My eyes darted back to the far shelves of the library. “Why didn’t you all tell Asher about the library?” I whispered.
Axl reached forward and brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen from my ponytail. “Because it’s your secret to tell. You found it. Mab is loyal to you. We would not break that final trust.”
I swallowed roughly, a part of me more than a little relieved that they’d been on my side in some small way. “Do you fully trust Asher?” I asked.
Axl jerked his head back. “Of course. You don’t?”
He was staring at me, and I couldn’t admit out loud that I had doubts still. Maybe it was that no one else had seen him when he was with Galindra. Seen that cold look on his face. Or maybe my hurt was clouding my judgement. Either way, I was not at a place with Asher where I could give him all my trust.
“Baby steps,” I whispered, and Axl shot me a sympathetic look.
The chiming music started then, indicating that Supernatural Day was underway. I smiled at Axl. “You joining the festivities?”
He nodded. “I’ll be right there.”
With a sad smile, I pocketed my phone and turned to leave, only to find Asher standing nearby, watching us together. The look on his face … it twisted my chest. Anger and pain. Fear and loss. All the things I’d felt when he’d been gone.
“It’s too late, then?” he said without inflection. “You don’t trust me? You’ve given up on us.”
The gasp escaped before I could stop it. “Are you giving up on me again?” I asked, attempting to rein in my emotions. Fuck Asher and his ability to destroy me.
His laugh was low and derisive. “That’s not an option,” he said, his voice grumbling lower. “There’s no me without you, Maddison James. I couldn’t give up even if I wanted to.”
I needed to hear it. I needed to hear it so badly. And yet…
“I just—I just need time. You have to let me adjust to this.”
My breathing was shallow as I waited for his reaction, his anger, the fire that filled him when he fought for me. He took two long steps and closed the distance between us. His breath fanned across my face as he leaned in closer, his lips brushing mine gently. “I can never deny you anything,” he breathed.
He turned and walked away.
41
