It was Asher’s.
A beat later, everything went blindingly bright.
Then he exploded.
16
It took two days before the power in the tank faded enough that they could get to me. I couldn’t really remember much, only that I drifted in some sort of semi-catatonic state, my head firmly locked in an endless loop of memory. Asher … explosion … god bolts … my own agonizing pain.
I ended up at the Atlantean house after that, and at first when they tried to place me in Asher’s room, I started screaming and thrashing so hard that they eventually just bundled me up on the couch, someone standing vigil with me as I cried and sobbed and screamed myself to sleep. Jesse was the only one who could comfort me, wrapping his huge body around mine, holding me together as I crumbled into nothing more than the fine dust that was left after Asher’s death.
Sometime later, possibly days or longer—time had no meaning to me—I found my tears finally drying up. My body could just not cry any longer. I lay with my head against Jesse’s chest. I’d thought he was asleep, but when his hand came up and tangled in my mess of hair, gently dragging up and down, an emptiness settled deep in my body. His touch was nice, but it wasn’t the touch I needed. It wasn’t the touch I craved.
“I can’t believe he’s gone,” I whispered, the first words I’d spoken in days, my voice hoarse from tears and lack of use. “Asher was so strong. He was always so sure. I never expected anything could ki—”
I couldn’t say it.Kill. Death. Gone.They were too permanent for me, and the fragile hold I had on my sanity was protecting me in whatever way it could.
“We should swim,” Jesse said softly, shifting on the couch, dragging me with him. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d drunk or eaten anything, or had a shower, so the swim was probably more for him than me. But I found myself agreeing.
“A swim might be nice.”
My legs were shaky when I got to my feet, and a sudden urge to pee hit me hard and fast, so I dashed into the bathroom, making it just in time. Jesse waited right outside the door for me, his expression hard as he locked eyes with me.
“Worried I was going to off myself in there?” I tastelessly joked, dark humor creeping in.
It hadn’t escaped my attention that I had not been left alone once since Asher.
“You won’t do that,” he said confidently, his tone heavier than usual. “You know that’s the last thing Asher would want from you. He would kick your ass if you even contemplated it.”
I did know that, but that didn’t make the aching pit in my chest any easier to live with. “Time is not going to fix this,” I said, knowing it to be true. “Asher was it for me. I don’t care what the fates say, I felt the true mate bond with him. I felt it.”
Jesse didn’t argue, he just pushed back my snarled and matted hair, tucking it best he could behind my ears. “Yes. You guys were true mates. And I’m not sure how one survives without their true mate, but I need you to try. For me.”
“For all of us,” Axl said, bringing tears to my eyes again as I turned to find him standing in the hall, Calen and Rone right behind him.
I bit my lip, tasting blood as I used the pain to keep myself from shattering into a million pieces. Not literally, of course. But emotionally.
“Let’s swim,” I managed to choke out, and the five of us made our way down to the pool. I hadn’t noticed the time when I woke up, but it was clearly very early in the morning. The sun was not up yet, but there was a sliver of light on the horizon.
The water did exactly what Jesse hoped; my head cleared. I focused on nothing but swimming, back and forth, over and over, pushing harder until hours passed and I was basically beyond exhausted and unable to swim another lap.
“Come on, sweetheart,” Jesse said, waiting for me at the end. The other guys were up at the table, food spread out around them. “You need to eat. Even supernaturals can’t go on indefinitely without fuel.”
Striding up the stairs, legs dead as they struggled to hold me, I fought against the bone-crushing exhaustion. “I’d like to sleep a little first,” I said, too many memories of breakfast around this table pressing in on me.
Jesse’s face drew into stubborn lines, his lion flashing in his eyes. “Not happening. You are going to eat before you sleep. That’s a fucking order. If you won’t look after yourself, and Asher isn’t here to do it, then it falls to me.”
I growled back a little, and it was shocking to feel something other than grief. “I don’t need anyone to look after me. Asher is gone, and I’m still here. I’m still functioning.”
Barely.
“Prove it to me,” Jesse said, even more growly than me. “Eat some fucking food.”
Something clicked inside me, and I nodded. I had spent too many days in a whirl of grief, too many days as a shell of a person, barely functioning. As much as it hurt, I had to start living again, because if I didn’t, what the hell was the point of Asher saving my life?
“Okay,” I whispered before grabbing a towel and wrapping the long length around myself. The air was cool, a storm brewing in the background, but I barely felt it.
It was a quiet, somber crew that sat around and picked at the bacon and eggs and toast on the table. I managed to eat half a plate, which seemed to satisfy the guys. Axl reached out at one point and grabbed my hand. I almost jerked away, because his kind touch hurt me, deep in my chest where the well of pain existed, but the look in his eyes stayed my hand. He was hurting as much as I was. He needed the comfort.
