With our family. Our brothers.
Axl, spouting off whatever cool random fact he was studying that week; Calen, flirting and asking me a million questions about Ilia, who he was lowkey obsessed with; Rone, strong and silent, but always with these moments that were so damn sweet my teeth would ache; and Jesse, my current pain in the ass problem. He would be brooding, doing his angry-at-the-fucking-world thing he had going on. Jesse and I were close, probably closer than any of the others outside of Asher, but lately he’d been withdrawn and absent.
I hadn’t said anything, because I had an idea what was upsetting him, and he was entitled to feel all of the feelings. I deserved some of his anger. I’d leaned hard on Jesse when I thought Asher was dead. We’d gotten super close, and while I loved him, it was the love of a family member, not the love of a soulmate.
I just wasn’t sure he felt the same way.
Only one brooding Atlantean owned my heart and soul, and that was Asher. I just needed to find Jesse his own perfect match and he’d understand.
Icy winds brushed across my bare arms as I stepped out of the magic users’ dorm. The weather had been more unpredictable lately—Axl believed it was the newly “unlocked” powers of Asher, Connor, and me. He was working on a spell to end the erratic weather inside the Academy, but he was only in the initial testing phase.
My feet moved faster as I dashed through the commons, noting that it was much busier here. Partying had a lot of hungry supes around, and I marveled at the magical appearance of food on the tables.
I could definitely destroy a burger—
“Maddison!”
I jumped as a tiny fairy appeared before me, brow furrowed and hands on her hips as she examined me closely.
“Mabs,” I said, recovering quickly, smiling at her. “Where have you been? The library has felt empty without you.”
Mabs was the literal queen of the fairies, an ancient, immortal, and frankly scary supernatural creature who had been the keeper of the Atlantean library for many years. It had taken us a long time to find it, but since the true Atlanteans were back inside the library walls, she was free to leave. It had been a few weeks since I saw her last.
“I went to visit some old friends,” she told me, a look of confusion still on her face, “but your … energy, it drew me back.”
She waved her tiny hands across me, gossamer wings flapping rapidly. She was dressed just in a thin, almost transparent white gown, and I wondered if her magic kept her warm in the frigid air or if she was immune to the cold.
“Your soul is dark,” she murmured, and I made a coughing gasp sound.
“What?” I blinked at her, trying not to panic. Did she just saydark? Uh, that was definitely not a flattering color for a soul. I mean … how freaking dark was it? Like light gray? Or … brown, maybe? I mean, as long as it wasn’t black, I had a chance, right?
Her tiny, perfect face scrunched up, like she was thinking hard.
Fuck.
My panicked thoughts were cut off as she shook away that pained expression, flying a little higher so we were eye level. “No, no, no. Calm down, Maddison. Your heart is going to pump out of your chest. It’s not dark in an evil way. There’s a heavy pressure inside your essence … it’s dragging you down. Your spark and joy is fading.”
“Fucking hell, Mab,” I breathed, hand on my chest. “Way to scare the life out of a chick.”
My soul was metaphorically dark, not physically. I could work with that.
And I didn’t disagree. I’d felt it for days. Drowning in my fears ... and the fucking dreams would not leave me alone. I’d almost lost everything last year, more than once, and I think I had some sort of PTSD, because the fear that this year would be even worse was terrifying me. Funny part was, I couldn’t even remember what I dreamt. Just that it was red and fiery, and I woke up terrified and exhausted.
Fun times.
“I’m trying to capture the happiness,” I told her. “ I promise. It’s just … hard, you know?”
“Don’t let them win,” Mab said fiercely. “If you let them get inside your head, you’ll have lost the battle before it even begins. You can do this, Maddison. You would never have been blessed with your path if you did not have the skill, courage, and power to walk it.”
I wanted so desperately to believe her, but she hadn’t been there. She hadn’t seen the way the gods handed our asses to us last year. It was pure luck that we’d made it out alive. Luck and Sonaris, who I now owed a favor to. A favor he could call on at any time.
Hence the nightmares.
“He could ask me for anything,” I murmured, realizing that a large part of what was pressing on me was that. “I should never have given him that sort of power over me. I might have risked everything, and I feel like I didn’t even try and fight as hard as I should have. I could have pushed through my fear, stepped further into the underworld and found the Hellbringers. I should have fought the gods then and there!”
I was just short of shouting at this stage, but she didn’t seem bothered by it. If anything, there was a different look on her face … almost likeexcitement.
“Don’t wait for him to come to you, then,” she said, lowering her voice. “There’s a way to destroy the gods, you just said it out loud. Now you need to figure out how to bring that plan to fruition.”
