7
Iawake to find Baelen sound asleep beside me. When I shift, his arms tighten around me in a protective reflex. I slept in my armor. Without eating. After a lot of crying. And nothing more than Baelen’s kisses on my hair and his gentle words in my ears even when I wanted more.
My stomach growls. Loudly. Also, I need to use the bathroom.Curse the necessities.I want to stay right where I am.
Nope. Bathroom calls.
I pry myself from his arms, sliding out from under the blankets. I love my armor—it has saved my life countless times—but I need it off my body. I need to be free of all the fighting and the battles. I peel it off my arms and legs, inhaling a deep breath as I step out of it. I leave it in a puddle on the floor and head straight to the bathroom, using the facilities before I turn on the shower and stand beneath it, letting the water stream over me.
It runs dark with soot from the fire outside Harem Hall.
I lather and rinse twice before I’m certain I’ve washed all of the ash out of my hair. Outside the shower, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, the way my hair has taken on a pearly sheen, my skin a moonlit glow. If I cover the tips of my ears and imagine wings, I look like a female gargoyle. So much of the elf in me has disappeared that I don’t recognize myself anymore.
Drying myself, I realize I have no clothes or even a dressing gown. Do I care? I trust Baelen with my life and I want to be with him. I’m not afraid to be naked in front of him.
I leave the towel behind and prowl from the bathroom to find a very awake Baelen standing right outside. He’s dressed in the same clothing he was wearing when he brought me back last night: a long-sleeved shirt and long pants; clean ones he must have changed into while I was out with Roar. It’s definitely gargoyle clothing because the shirt has discrete clips at the side to allow for it to be put on around wings.
He misses a beat. He’s always had incredible self-control but I’m certain he wasn’t expecting me to emerge naked. He wrenches his gaze from the curve of my hip. Funny, I never thought that would be the sexiest part of my body but the way his gaze lingers on my narrow waist and then rises to my shoulders, following the water droplet sliding from the base of my neck across my collar bone…
My knees threaten to give way in the most ungraceful way. Luckily I still have one hand on the bathroom door, so I use it to keep myself upright.
He owes me so many answers—how does he know Outlier Senturi?—but right now I have other things on my mind. My chest rises and falls. I tell myself to breathe. “You promised me I’d only have to wait three years, Baelen Rath. Well, it’s been seven and a half. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
A smile grows on his face, lighting up his eyes. He lifts his chin, appraising me. “You seemed busy all that time. I didn’t want to interrupt.”
I let go of the door, trading its support for the chance to be nearer to him. After two steps, inches remain between us. I tilt my head back. Damn his height. I can’t reach his lips on my own and I have no water to help me this time.
He tilts his head down to mine, drawing a quick breath before his lips descend.
At the last moment… he freezes.
The laughter fades from his eyes, which become very serious. His hands return to his sides. He contemplates me for so long that it scares me. “Baelen?”
He takes a step back. “We can’t do this today, Marbella.”
Wait… what? I shake my head. Swallow. Repeat what he said inside my head. Did he just say we can’t do this? Did he just say no? Please, please don’t let it be because he’s taking the whole don’t-come-to-his-bed thing seriously…
He sidesteps me, walks backward to the closet, and drags it open, all while keeping his eyes on me. He wrenches the nearest garment from its hanger—a silken dress that threatens to slide right out of his hands. He fumbles with it, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and hands it to me.
I take it but don’t put it on. Stare at it. Stare back at him. “I don’t understand.”
He says, “We were lucky seven years ago. But I scent you, Marbella. Give me mercy, the storm tells me what’s going on inside your body. We won’t get away with it again.”
“What…? Baelen?”
His expression softens. “Wait another week, Marbella. I promise you, I won’t turn you away.”
Wait another week… Wait a minute… Is he talking about… babies? Shock ripples through me. Howl had scented me too; he’d told me when he first met me that I was way too fertile and he wouldn’t bed me for fear of having children with me.
I say, “But we already did. Last night.”
“That was in the deep springs. Nothing operates like normal there. It was protected.” He pulls away from me. “This won’t be.”
“But…”
Baelen heads to the bathroom, stops in the doorway, clutches the doorknob, his knuckles turning white. “Please don’t be naked when I get back out. It’s taking every shred of my self-control not to take what you’re offering and embrace the consequences. Because believe me, Marbella, I want children with you. But you have enough going on in your life right now.”
I can’t speak. I watch the door close behind him. It clicks and then shifts again as if he just leaned his weight against it. I wobble back against the bed and drop to its surface.
