There’s only one I need to see.
I drop to the floor beside Cassian. My shoulders slump. I press my hands against the tops of my knees, hauling air into my lungs. My chest burns so bad. I remember the moment he held the Queen’s heart and wrapped me up in his wings, telling me to hold on while he took the force of her awakening. I remember his brilliant blue eyes. I remember when he gave me a mirror and told me not to be afraid of who I am.
The old Priestess told me that I can’t choose an elf. Well, the only gargoyle I would have chosen—even if I could pretend for two seconds that my heart isn’t completely Baelen’s—lies dead before me now. Cassian, the one whose bed I climbed into by accident.
I pull my braid apart, letting my hair down. Then I take hold of his wing and slide under it. I curl up inside the heavy cocoon that saved my life when I would have frozen to death.
He is the cold one now.
“I’m sorry, Cassian.” Tears slide down my cheeks, dripping onto his chest. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”
I’ve destroyed many things today, but there’s only one thing I really want to destroy:death.
A long time later, I awake to familiar arms—Baelen’s arms—pulling me upward, gathering me against his chest. He strokes my hair, soothing strokes, and I don’t care where he’s taking me as long as he’s there with me. He doesn’t use his power, walking every step, carrying me all the way back to the Residence.
Finally, his warmth leaves me, but only long enough for me to see a bedroom, a bed, and a blanket being pulled up over me. The bed sinks with his weight before he wraps himself against me. His strong arms curl around me, drawing my head against his shoulder.
His voice is a low promise in my ear. “Just because you can’t come to my bed, doesn’t mean I can’t come to yours.”
I have no words. Part of me wants to laugh because he found a way around their stupid rules. Most of me wants to cry but I don’t seem to have any tears left.
