29
My heart tears into pieces in one devastating moment as I make a choice. I thought I lost Baelen once when the Commanders stabbed him. I can’t lose him now. I won’t let him die. Not when I can do something about it.
My scream echoes around the springs. “Grayson! Stop!”
A sudden tension in Grayson’s shoulders is the only indication that he heard me. I listen for Baelen’s heartbeat. It’s weak, fading, but he’s still alive. I run to the spot on the cavern floor beneath the place where they float, tipping my head back, desperate for Grayson to hear me despite his battle rage.
I’m glad Baelen’s eyes are closed so that he can’t see me when I say, “Grayson? You can have what you want.”
His focus snaps to me. He is full of fury from fighting with Baelen, blind with it. “What?”
I bite down hard on my lip. My hands are shaking. I’m slowly folding up my heart inside myself, making it smaller and smaller, shutting it down, stopping it from feeling.
“I’ll be what you want.” My throat constricts but I force myself to speak. “I will be with you.”
Grayson’s eyes widen as he finally hears what I said. Very slowly, he pulls Baelen to the rocks beside the water, still holding him upright, turned to me.
Baelen groans, acid rain leaking from his eyes as he tries to open them. “No… Marbella…”
I finally raise my gaze to Baelen’s. “Baelen Rath, I promised to love, honor, and protect you. Now I’m going to do all of those things, but most of all I’m going to protect you. Baelen… my Baelen… I won’t let you die.”
I turn to Grayson, asking, “Please. Will you let Baelen live?”
A crease grows across his forehead. “You would make this choice to save his life?”
“Yes.” As my final act of love for Baelen, I will wrap up my feelings for him and put them far away from my heart, even if it kills me inside and I am only a shell afterward.
Grayson releases Baelen, but doesn’t drop him, guiding him to the ground instead. Baelen slumps over his knees, trying to lift his head. I don’t touch him. One touch and I will change my mind; my heart won’t let me do this. As soon as Baelen’s strength returns, he will come after me and try to stop me. So I cast a gentle whirlwind around him, allowing it to pick him up and contain him while he heals, just like he contained me when he strode into Crimson Court after I killed Howl. He can’t fight my storm power because it’s stronger than his. He won’t escape from behind the shield until I’m gone.
I consider unfreezing Indira, but Baelen can do that once I’m gone. In the meantime, I don’t want her to see any of this. I turn, wooden, and say to Elwyn, “You want to ascend but you can’t open the pathway without me. I won’t open it unless you promise you won’t destroy the springs when you leave.”
Osian Valor scoffs and Priscilla rolls her eyes.
Elwyn folds his arms. “You expect us to believe they won’t come after us?”
“Nobody will come after you. You said that it will only open with royal blood and I am the last of both lines. Nobody can ever open it again if I come with you.”
Grayson draws level with me. He is quiet now, far from the raging male he was before. “You’re really going through with this. You’re going to ascend with me.”
“You always keep your word, Grayson. I will keep mine.”
Elwyn considers my offer before turning to the others. Priscilla glares for a full minute before shrugging. “We can’t open it unless she chooses.”
Osian gives a nod. “It is agreed.”
Grayson hardly seems to hear any of it, contemplating a spot on the wall, his gaze far away.
I shut my eyes, closing off the world, taking one last moment, one last free breath, to say goodbye. Then I hold out my hand for a dagger. Osian Valor hands me the one he used on Indira.
For a moment, I consider trying to kill them all. They are standing close enough to me to do it, but at the back of my mind is fear—an awful, overriding fear.What if it all goes wrong and Baelen dies?The only thing keeping me standing right now is the knowledge that he will live. My only sure path is to go with them. And once I’m there, I’ll find a way to stop them.
The knife wobbles.Damn. Why is my heart still beating? Why can’t I stop feeling already? I slide the blade over my wrist and open a vein, allowing my blood to flow freely onto the stone circle before I heal the wound again.
The change in the cavern is very quiet, almost peaceful. The entire ceiling of the deep springs fades and dissolves, opening up to reveal a crystal clear blue sky: the real sky. With real clouds. The view of the surface is from the ground, looking up. To our left is the gentle slosh of water as if there is a water source flowing—a river maybe? To our right, a massive curved building soars into the sky, glittering in the light of the real sun, bright, blinding reflections glinting off soaring panels of green-blue glass. Other sounds filter through the opening: human voices, shoes tapping the pavement, a constant low mechanical thrum that grows and fades like many machines moving past.
Chicago.
Earth’s surface.
