Maybe tomorrow I’d be stronger. Be able to deal.
Once inside, I took my time running my hands across the dusty wallpaper in the living room. It had originally been a sunny yellow, with a field of sunflowers across the bottom giving it a very cheery vibe. Time had aged and faded the scene, but it brought so many fond memories to mind that I closed my eyes and bathed in the familiarity.
The rest of the house was the same. So many memories, some good, others painful. I remembered sitting at the kitchen bench when Louis told me he was taking my sister on a date. And in my small bedroom upstairs when he’d told me that she was going to be his chosen mate. That he would be part of my family.
Those were darker memories, so I sought others. My mom reading to me in the blue-walled playroom. My dad teaching me how to ride a bike on the old road out the back.
A lifetime of memories. I cried more tears than I thought possible as I walked through my house. And through it all, there was Louis. He was the one constant in my life.
He was my one.
Late that night, I used magic to clean the dust from my old bedroom. Getting into bed, I checked my phone and noticed there was a text from Louis.
Louis: I miss you even more. I feel your sorrow through our bond. Please let me come to you. I need you, Tee, I need to hold you.
My heart started to beat erratically, and I almost called him then and there to demand he get his ass into my bed. But then I remembered that I hadn’t dealt with my family today. The past would always haunt me until I faced it, and I owed Louis and myself that much. If we were going to do this thing, have atruetrue mate bond, then I had to face my demons.
Me: I miss you too. It’s been hard … there are so many memories here, and almost all of them have you in them. I need another day to deal with everything. I’ll find you. I promise.
His reply was so fast.
Louis: I will wait for you. Always.
I put my phone down as a single tear slid from my eye, dropping to the pillow under my head. In that moment I realized that I’d been waiting for Louis. For all of these years, I’d waited….
And now that he’d finally found me again, could I trust that we could make this work?
Exhaustion pulled me under and I slept restlessly, memories and dreams haunting me.
The next morning, puffy-eyed and cranky, I stormed my way out of the house and back toward my family. The journey to the graveyard was quick, and I forced myself past the double gates, stepping inside.
The moment I did, the energy of my ancestors washed across me, and I soaked it up, some of my frazzled nerves calming. The vessel dies, but the soul and energy caged within it do not. My family would have moved on to the next life, I knew that without a doubt, but some of their power would always be here where they lay.
I went to my parents first, kneeling between their graves. “Hey, guys,” I said, still calm. “I’ve missed you both.”
And I had. My mom, with her sunshine hair and vibrant blue eyes, had been the best cook in the world; her apple pie was still my favorite food. She had loved my dad so much, crying every single time he’d had to leave for supe business. My dad had loved her back just as fiercely. We’d been a very happy family. Until we weren’t.
My parents had died of broken hearts because they’d given up after Regina, and I couldn’t find it in myself to blame them for it anymore. Her death had taken so much from all of us, and I had given up too, in my own way.
“I want you both to know that I love you very much, and I don’t blame you. But I am going to have to let you go … somewhat. The pain and anger that held me prisoner, they can’t be in my life any longer. I’ve decided not to keep living like a shell of a supe. I’m ready for more life, even if that life includes heartache.”
It was the truth, and something eased from my chest as a cool breeze brushed across my wet cheeks. I left my hands on the stones at the heads of their graves for many moments, communing with them and the nature of my home, before I finally released them and moved to my sister. She was on the other side of Mom, and I imagined them holding hands in death, neither of them alone. Dad would definitely have Mom’s hand on his side, because they were always holding hands.
Theirs was the sort of love I wanted. The reason I held back with Louis now was because I couldn’t be a second pick. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to be everything, because I was selfish like that. And Louis had been everything to me.
Still was, if I was honest.
“Hey, Reggie,” I said, settling in beside her grave, my hands touching the stone, tracing her name. “I’m sorry it took me so long to visit, sister.”
I was already sobbing, and I knew this was going to be one of the most difficult things I’d ever done. Confessing my sins to my sister. “See, I kept something from you, something that I should never have hid, and I was too ashamed to face you.” I sucked in a ragged breath. “I loved Louis. I loved him so much that when you started dating I actually wondered if I might die from the pain shooting through my chest. Then when I saw him touch you, it made me hate you a little.”
The truth tasted bitter on my tongue. It was part of the reason I had exiled myself for so long. I’d hated myself, and that was the only punishment I could figure out.
“I blamed you for something that was not your fault. It was my own cowardice that cost me a chance with Louis, and you were brave in ways I could never be.”
A light energy brushed over my hand, and I could have sworn for a moment it felt like someone was holding it. “I hope you can forgive me, Reggie. Because I would give anything to have you back, anything. You were my best friend, my sister, and I will never stop aching from the hole your death left in my life.”
I crumpled forward, my throat and chest burning as I tried to breathe through my tears and sobs. Life was so unfair at times, and this was a loss I would never get past.
