Before I could stop him, Louis wrapped his hands around mine, encasing them in his warmth and strength. My heart skipped a few beats, and I felt heat rise across my body as parts of me that had been dead for a long time stormed to life.
Well, hey there, vagina. Nice of you to pop up and say hello. I hadn’t had sex for years, which for supes was more like centuries, but still … not the best timing.
“Louis—” I started, but he cut me off.
“I’m not sure how I feel right now,” he told me, “but I do know that we were brought back together for a reason. We should at least get to know each other again, see if there is anything more than just the bond between us. I don’t know if I can be a mate to you … I don’t even know if I want to be a mate again and risk that sort of pain, but I also don’t want you to leave.”
I choked out a rough laugh. “You don’t know if you want this, but you still think we should stick around and get to know each other? As far as I can see, despite the bond, all that’s going to happen is our supernatural instincts will push and push until we’re wrapped so far around each other that I can’t tell whose limbs are whose.”
Louis’s lips twitched and his eyes filled with mirth. “And that would be a bad thing?”
The ache in my chest deepened. “Yes, because it’s just sex. And that’s not enough for me any longer. I’m too old and broken just to be a powerful mage’s plaything.” He was killing me. I had loved Louis for years, and it would be so easy to just take whatever he offered. But until he knew for sure what he wanted, he would always hold me at a distance, and I had the sneaking suspicion that that would hurt more than never having him.
“You could have chosen me years ago, but you picked Regina,” I reminded him.
The grip on my hands tightened minutely. “You never gave me any indication that you wanted to be more than friends,” he bit out. “Not one. Back then I would have made the move the moment you did.”
I yanked my hands free. “You should have made the move. Who the hell do you think you are, just waiting around for us to all declare ourselves so you could pick and choose?”
Men were so freaking dense at times; it was beyond frustrating.
We were both on our feet now. I’d slipped out of the bed and was standing there in what looked like an old shirt of Louis’s. It hung to midthigh on me, leaving a lot of leg bare. His gaze traveled down the length for a brief moment before making its way back to my face.
“We were both afraid to ruin our friendship,” he said, his eyes pleading with me to understand. “It wasn’t about me wanting to choose between you and Regina. It was always you, until I realized that I was only ever going to be a friend to you. Then … I got caught up in Regina. She was amazing, there’s no denying it, and our relationship was good. Losing her… The guilt almost destroyed me. I can’t risk that again.”
My sister had been amazing. I was never surprised that Louis fell in love with her. She was tall and smart and powerful. She had long raven black hair and big blue eyes. She was so different to me that most people never even believed we were sisters. And I had loved her.
Louis took a step closer to me, his chest almost touching mine. “This is new … a shock. We should take some time to get to know each other again. I miss my friend. I miss you, Tee.”
Everything hurt in that moment: my body, my heart, and my eyes from the burning tears threatening to fall. “Friends … is not going to work for me.”
I pushed against him, my hands slamming on the hard planes of his chest. There was no way I could have moved him if he wanted to fight me, but thankfully he took a step back and gave me some breathing room. I was feeling as feral in that moment as the light in his eyes had been.
“I’m going to have a shower and get cleaned up,” I said quietly, never taking my gaze off him. “Can you tell me where my clothes are?”
“I had them all brought here.” He waved a hand toward a nearby dresser. “You’ve been out for a few days. I wanted you close by, so you’re in my home.”
Of course I was.
I nodded and waited until he started to move toward the door. “Bathroom is through there,” he said, pointing to another door nearby. “Call me if you need anything.”
Yeah, that was a big fatnever going to happenright there. I would literally drown before I called out for his help, especially while I was naked. But I just smiled and nodded, and then moved to open the drawers of the dresser, pulling out underwear, jeans, and a white shirt.
When I was safely locked in the bathroom, I allowed myself a minute to fall apart, turning the shower on full blast. The noise hid my small gasps as tears ran down my cheeks. I didn’t cry much anymore. Strong emotions were not part of my world. But in that brief second I wasn’t sure I would survive the pain in my heart.
Louis … how could he be my true mate? How could fate be so cruel? To have separated us for all these years, only to pull us together now when we truly couldn’t be mates…
Your choice.My inner voice reminded me that it wasn’t fate’s fault. She put us in each other’s paths from childhood. My pain was from my own fears, and my own bad choices. Louis’s as well. Both of us were to blame. We had ignored the path and suffered greatly for it.
Another sob choked out of me, and I struggled to stuff my emotions back inside. If I left the room with the evidence of my crying session across my face, I’d have to deal with Louis, and he was relentless when he was trying to get to the bottom of something. He would not stop until I poured all of my feelings out in the open. Which was redundant, because nothing I felt could change reality.
He didn’t want to risk the pain of us developing this into a true mate bond, and I didn’t want to be someone’s “sort of” mate just because the true bond pulled us closer. Eventually my tears dried and I got in the shower. The warm water beating down on me was soothing, and as I stood there under the hot spray I decided that I wouldn’t stay in Stratford any longer. I was going to go back home, for a while at least. Louis would be busy dealing with the elders, and I needed some distance. Time apart would hopefully give us clarity, and then … we could both reassess.
Some of the weight had lifted from my chest by the time I got out. I’d always liked a plan of action, even if I didn’t always want to follow it. At least my brain was focused, and that let me not dwell on how shitty the situation was. When I was dry and dressed, I pulled my long hair up into a messy bun, letting tendrils fall around my face. The messy bun was literally the greatest creation since fey wine.
Stepping into my room, I was relieved to see the door still closed. Louis had exceptional hearing, and I’d been worried that he might have heard my tears and would be waiting for me. When I opened the door out of my room, I let out a gasp. On the other side it looked like a tornado had gone through the place. Furniture was upside down, glass was smashed everywhere, and there appeared to be enough feathers to fill a small city.
“Hey!”
