My arms were trembling so I tucked them tightly under my body, trying to stop the movement. I was struggling for more than one reason, but mostly I was worried that the Abcurses were in trouble. I’d been whisked away to “safety,” leaving them behind to face whatever was coming. What if Staviti had followed his servers? What if my guys were all currently fighting for their lives and I wasn’t there to help? I was the only one with a power that could challenge Staviti. It was a small measure of relief to know that Cyrus was there; and he might be able to hold Staviti off long enough for everyone to escape.
The worst part was that they had no idea where I was, and they would be so worried, which would distract them when they should be focussing on their own safety. We shouldn’t be separated in this way, not when there was so much danger around.
It was throwing my balance off.
I must have slept eventually, the exhaustion pulling me under. When I opened my eyes sometime later, there was no change in the room at all. Pica wasn’t around, but her server stood dutifully at my bedside. The moment I sat up, her head popped up like she’d been in some sort of standing rest. “Greetings, sacred child of the most sacred one. What can I fetch for you this sun-cycle?”
My Abcurses. How about them?
Instead I said, “I’d like some food and water please.” I rattled off a list of items I liked to eat, hoping that food would speed up the return of my energy. She disappeared in a moment and I longed to reach out and attach myself to her as she left, hoping that I’d end up anywhere but where I was.
She’d only bring me back though. The servers had surprisingly strong energy for reanimated dwellers. Pulling myself from the bed, I made my way into the bathing chamber. It was a simple room with a toilet, bath, and a sink with a rack beside it filled with pink towels. The room itself was mostly white marble, so that splash of pink was very bright.
After using the toilet, I stared at the bath. It would have been nice to get out of my leather outfit, but I had nothing else to change into, and I wouldn’t put it past Pica to try and bathe me herself or something similar that you would do with a child. Instead, I settled on washing my hands and face. There was a reflective surface above the sink and I stared for a click at my washed-out features.
Since becoming a god, I’d noticed the subtle changes in my appearance: better skin, thicker hair, whiter teeth. A luminescence to my skin and eyes that hadn’t been there before; but this sun-cycle I looked haggard, frail even. Despite sleeping however long I had been sleeping, I still couldn’t sense any of my energy replenishing. If anything, I felt even more drained than I had the previous sun-cycle.
When I returned to the main room of my prison, there was a new addition to the furniture: a table loaded down with food. I basically fell on it, reaching for cheesy bread and shoving it in my mouth in a single movement. Chewing as fast as I could, I barely even tasted the goodness, I was in that much of a rush to eat. I swallowed water between each mouthful of food until I’d eaten as much as I could manage. With a groan, I stood up, looking around again and wondering what to do next.
“There are some books in that corner,” the server said, popping out from wherever she’d been hiding. I followed her pointed finger and let out a sigh. I wasn’t really one for reading, but since this was all a waiting game for me now, I would have to take what I could.
“Is there any way for you to fetch me a particular book?” I asked the server suddenly. “I’d like to read more about the gods and their connection to Topia. About their … energy.”
It had taken me several sun-cycles to rejuvenate myself after Emmy, but this time had been very different. I hadn’t lost consciousness, which meant that my energy should have returned much faster. I needed to know how fast.
“The most sacred of the gods does not wish me to provide you with anything other than food and drink,” the server replied. “All other requests are to go through her.”
“Can you tell me how long it takes a god to restore their energy after they drain it?” I decided I had nothing to lose by asking the question. “I’m feeling very run-down and I’d like to know when I’ll feel better.”
The server shook her head. “Your power will not return in here. That is why the most sacred one does not linger too long. This room is powered by the being inside of it. You are keeping this room energised.”
I stared, and then stared some more, before eventually my brain caught up. “I’m powering this jail?” I whisper-shouted. “I. Am. Powering. It?”
I was never going to escape, no matter how hard I tried, because the room stole from my energy to keep me there. I’d always be drained, and the more I attempted to escape, the more drained I’d be.
“No,” I cried, my voice breaking. “I can’t stay here like this. Like a prisoner. I need fresh air and the sky, I need to see the trees.”
I was crying, the tears streaking down my cheeks in hot floods.
“I would rather be dead than stay here like this,” I screamed before choking on my own sobs. I had officially snapped. All the hopes I’d been holding on to—the hopes of getting strong enough to escape—had been dashed. The loss of hope was like a sharp dagger in my chest.
I needed to do something drastic.
I faced the server. “I need to see Pica.”
She stared blankly at me and I let out a sigh. “I need to see my mother.”
This time, she reacted. There was a quick nod as she vanished. Of course Crazy-pants would tell her that I was only to refer to her as Mother. I remained where I was and as the time clicked by, I grew more and more impatient. Pica couldn’t possibly know what I was planning, so why was she taking so long to return? Eventually, I sat on a white, fur-lined couch—the only chair in the room. The heaviness of my exhaustion pressed in on me, and my head dropped forward more than once as my body urged me to sleep.
I forced myself awake, worried I might miss Pica whenever she decided to make an appearance. I must have dozed off though, because I startled awake when I was lifted from the chair. Forcing my eyelids up, I found myself staring at sparkling eyes and shiny teeth.
“Little one, you need to rest,” Pica crooned, her smile so warm and loving. She truly believed she loved me, I could see that in her face.
I started to struggle against her hold, but she was too strong. “Let me down,” I demanded.
Pica paused. “I’m carrying you to bed, it’s on my list of things to do with a daughter.”
“Put me down,” I said again, ignoring the fact that she had a freaking list. “I’m not your daughter.”
Her gasp was so long and loud that it actually scared me for a brief moment. I even jumped a little in her arms.
“What did you just say?” she breathed, some of her warmth fading.
“I’m not your daughter, Pica. I will never be your daughter.” I paused for dramatic effect before continuing. “Your daughter is dead.”
The silence following my statement was a heavy one. I felt bad in that moment; the guilt at using her grief against her was almost enough to make me stop. But I didn’t, because I had to get out of there. She was holding me prisoner, this broken goddess, and there was only one way out.
