In so many ways of the worlds, I was innocent, because I chose to follow a very straight, pre-planned path. There was a ‘right’ way to do things, and that was always the choice I made. But in that moment, I didn’t care. My path had pretty much been destroyed anyway, considering I somehow turned from a dweller into a god. An impossible feat, logically speaking. So maybe logic wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be.
What the hell had happened to me?This was all Cyrus’s fault, that damn assh—
A throat cleared from behind us. The mechanical sound grating and familiar. Cyrus’s chest swelled beneath mine, and the heat he threw off grew to almost scorching levels.
“Donald, you’re about to be decommissioned if you don’t stop interrupting me,” he thundered, and my body erupted in goosebumps from the power he was throwing off.
I struggled to get out of Cyrus’s arms, but he didn’t let me go, instead choosing to walk forward toward the poor server while still holding me, my feet a few inches off the ground.
“A thousand apologies, Sacred Asshole.”
I turned my head, looking over my shoulder to find Donald bowing her head and continuing to apologise over and over. I tried not to chuckle as she repeated the words sacred and asshole twenty times in a row. It was curious that Cyrus hadn’t asked her to change it yet.
“Donald!” I quickly said, drawing the server’s attention. “What did you come in here for?”
She blinked a few times, before straightening from the almost-permanent bow she’d been in. “Sacred Willa is asking for you Sacred Emmy; she is awake now.”
My insides went crazy, and I struggled against Cyrus. “Let me down. Now.”
He tightened his grip. “What will you give me?”
I blinked at him, tilting my head further back so I could see his expression. “Are you already negotiating with me?” I asked. “Seriously?”
The right side of his mouth tilted up minutely, but it was enough that I knew he was amused. “I already told you what I want … but I’m willing to work my way up toeverything. For now, tell me what you’ll do to go to Willa.”
I swung my elbow around, clipping him across the side of the jaw. His head jerked back, but not in a way like I’d hurt him … more in surprise.
“Did you just hit me?” he asked, before a chuckle escaped from him. “Why are you so violent, Emmanuelle?”
I snorted, crossing my arms over my chest. It was difficult to do with him still holding me. “Says the god who threw a sol off a cliff for crying.”
His gaze was dead serious when our eyes met. “We match,” he told me, the words strong and sure. “Which is why I will settle for nothing less than your all. I will not take what you gave to your last dweller. Or any other. I want everything.”
I swallowed roughly, trying to find the moisture that had just fled my mouth.
“Don’t talk about him,” I finally choked out, fighting past the heavy emotions sweeping through me.
Atti was feeling more and more like a shadow of my past, his memory shoved aside by the imposing presence of the Neutral God who was still holding me firmly against himself, refusing to let me down. That made me angry, but I needed a little more time to figure out why.
“Oh?” Cyrus goaded me, shifting me up a little higher. “So, you loved him, then. And where is he? Why wasn’t he fighting for you on the mountain?”
“He’s dead,” I said flatly. “He did fight for me. Me and the other insects. Do you still think we match, Sacred Asshole?”
His eyes narrowed dangerously, his grip tightening on me. He had an arm banded behind my back, holding me firmly. His other hand slid up to my neck, his thumb brushing along the line from the top of my spine to the base of my skull. I reacted immediately, shivering against him, pressing closer, my anger melting into something hotter.
“Yes,” he said seriously, his light eyes drinking in my reaction with an intensity that had my mind going blank again. “I really do. But I think that’s enough for this sun-cycle, you’ve given me what I want,for now. I will take you to see Willa.”
He set me down, and I turned immediately, striding toward Donald. I was hoping thatshecould somehow take me to Willa, because I wasn’t sure that I could be trusted in Cyrus’s arms again—but he only chuckled, catching my arm and drawing me back. As I spun into his chest, he drew the darkness around us and the rug disappeared from beneath my feet, hard marble taking its place. We were back on Pica’s platform. I started running toward the house before Cyrus could stop me, though his footsteps—and the hurried shuffling of Donald—weren’t far behind.
When I made it to the room, Willa’s face was wet with tears, and when she saw me, she sobbed out my name, curling in upon herself. I rushed over to her, ignoring the others as I threw myself onto the bed and gathered her into my arms. It took me a moment to figure out what had her so distraught: she couldn’t believe that I was there.
“I am alive,” I reassured her over and over.
Because of her.
I held onto her tightly until I felt the Abcurses growing anxious, and then I eased back. She wasn’t just mine anymore—she had her own family now. I thought back to Cyrus’s words as I watched Willa with her Abcurses. He had asked for all of me, in return for all of him. Everything he had to offer: his protection included. That was what Willa had. She had each of the Abcurses in their entirety—I was sure that they would all die for her, just as she would die for them. It waslikea family, but different. I wouldn’t even hesitate to throw my life on the line for Willa, as she would for me, but I didn’t have all of her, and she didn’t have all of me.
I had never given myself fully to another person. Atti had been an ally, a partner. I thought that I had given him my heart, but in truth, I had only given him my love. The two were different. I had Willa’s love, but the Abcurses had herheart.
