I huffed. “You threw me across you, and … just shut up.”
His entire body shook as his laughter rocked through us. I realized that up until this point I’d barely heard him even chuckle. He had been so closed off when I first saw him … so angry. I wondered if his attitude problem back then had been about me, an expression of his annoyance at being “forced” into a relationship by the fates, or if there was more going on in his life, more that weighed on his mind.
I wanted to ask him. I was a naturally curious person, but something told me that question might destroy the very fragile peace we were currently experiencing together. I was not ready to go back to Asshole Xander yet.
Xander paused, then there was a light jolt as he stepped down. I couldn’t see anything, but warm water washed over my legs. My body went even more blissed out as warmth surrounded me.
“Arghhh,sofreakinggood,” I mumbled, when he lowered us. My words cut off as our heads went under the water.
The bath had to be massive, because as he released me I could spread myself out and still not touch the sides. It was also at least six feet deep from what I could see below.
As I floated on the top, facedown, Xander’s face came into clear view underneath. He was lying back on the bottom of the bath. I let my eyes rove down the length of him, greedily drinking in every naked inch. He pursed his lips, and I knew what was coming now. The exprendo channel. The bubble crashed into my face.
“You need to stop looking at me like that,” he growled, the moment the water drained from around my face. “Otherwise, we’re going to play the pull-out game.”
I snort-laughed, because he was so damn confident. “I don’t play games when it comes to diseases and babies,” I shot back at him.
I moved closer to him and the bubble around my head popped. As I brushed against him, he reached out and pulled me down, blowing another bubble out at the same time.
“I would never put you at risk” was the first thing he said. “There are no diseases you need to worry about from me.”
“What about pregnancy?” I asked, trying not to think about what else he’d said. “Never put you at risk” was a very caring sort of statement.
He moved under me and I groaned, my legs winding around his waist. “Pregnancy … still a possibility. A very small possibility because we don’t know if we’re that compatible. In truth, Royales do not view offspring the same way as a lot of other houses, but overlord children are different. Because of the royal bloodline, they stay with their family. I would not object to having a child with you, if you’d like to share that responsibility with me.”
I froze then, trying to see his expression through the bubbles. That was the only thing I disliked about the exprendo channels—they distorted my underwater vision.
“I was created by two parents who didn’t really love me,” I said slowly. “Or each other, from what I could tell. If I ever have a child, I want it to be with someone I plan to love for the rest of my life. And considering my life now looks like it might be indefinite, that would be a rare find indeed.”
I hadn’t, until this moment, stopped to think about the real consequences of living forever. I could love a human. But even if I found someone I could trust with this secret, I’d only be able to love them for a short speck of my life before they grew old and died. I wasn’t sure my heart could handle that.
“What are you thinking?” Xander asked, sounding somber.
“I’m not a Daelighter,” I whispered, “but I’m also not human. I don’t fit in anywhere. I’ve been alone most of my life … and I can’t see how that is going to change for the rest of eternity.”
He was silent for a beat. I liked that he didn’t just rush in to offer me false platitudes. My situation was unique—well, not completely unique. All secret keepers were in the same position. It was okay for Emma, Maya, and Callie, though. They had their soulmates who would live forever as well.
But not for me.
In my panic, words tumbled out of my mouth. “I want a family. I want that sort of bond and life. In this regard, I’m much more human than Royale, because you said Royales don’t do that. I can’t be with a human because I can’t watch someone I love age and die.” One more thing occurred to me. “I suppose … I suppose I could try to find a partner in one of the other Houses.”
There was a long pause before he said, “Firstly, if you found a human that you wanted to marry, you could give them some of our food. This could extend their life many hundreds of years, if eaten regularly.”
Say what?That information should have made me feel a lot better, but it didn’t.
“And secondly, why are you stressing about this right now? You just told me you don’t want to settle down. You’re all in for this casual partnership.” Xander almost sounded like he was angry. “The physical without the emotional.”
“I am all in,” I said, trying not to get upset at his tone. I was sharing something real with him and he was acting like his old dickish self. “But I’m only eighteen. Eventually I’ll want more. I will want to have it all.”
I didn’t think he was going to answer, and I was about to push myself away from him when he spoke, resigned, “Humans aren’t your only option. Most Royales might not, in general, form long-term bonded relationships … but we are starting to change. So, never say never on that front. Or, as you said, there are the other houses. There’s usually no cross-mated relationships between the houses, but if that’s something you need to be happy, I will make sure no one questions you.”
He was the one to break away and rise to the surface, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why my chest hurt when he did. When I surfaced next to him, I spun so I could see his face. A neutral expression met mine.
“Sorry if I upset you,” I said slowly. “I shouldn’t have unloaded my personal stuff on you.”
He shook his head, water droplets flying off him. “It’s fine. It’s good to make sure we’re on the same page still. For now, you and I are doing this no-strings-attached thing. The only stipulation from me is that you’re not with any other Daelighters or humans while we’re together. Royales are possessive during the time we’re together.”
I nodded. “I can agree to that, as long as you also don’t stray.”
