What’s wrong?” I draggedmyself off the bed, surprised that I didn’t feel hung over. Last night wasintense.
“I’m slated to fightfirst.” His voice sounded hollow. Shit. Ryder had told me I was last. Good forme, bad for Jayden.
Pep talk time. I crossedour small room, standing before him. “You’re gay and black,” I announced.
He forced a grin. “Howvery observant of you, darling.”
I grasped both of hisshoulders and made him look at me. “You’re the underdog. No one expects you towhip ass, which is why you will. I’ve seen you fight. I’m jealous of how strongand controlled your movements are. Show everyone just how deadly an ash you canbe!”
Jayden grinned and stood,raising one fist above his head. “For black gay ash everywhere!” he declared,and we both laughed. But a lump had formed in my throat. I loved this guy, forreals. He was my family now too. And family don’t quit each other.
After getting ready andputting on my jumpsuit, I made my way with Jayden to the gym. As we neared Iheard the rumbling of a crowd. Jayden looked nervously at me. Some of thatblank stare was back on his face. I was pretty sure I was going to throw up. Wetook the side entrance and walked in through the locker room where Jayden’scoach was.
His coach greeted him. Iwas pretty sure his name was Bryan. “Hey, big guy, you ready to make me proud?”
On the bench next to himI saw a long-handled axe. The weapon was a mid-sized one, and would have beentoo heavy for me to use effectively.
Jayden gave a weak smile.“Is that my weapon?”
His trainer nodded. “Yougot picked for the bottom because it’s a popularity contest full of bribes andfavoritism. Trust me, they have overlooked how strong you are. You will befine.”
I cringed at the mentionof bribes. I had no doubt Lucas probably paid a shitload of money to get me atthe top of the fighting roster, but still, Jayden’s trainer’s confidence in himmade me happy.
I forced down the burningin my chest as Jayden turned to face me, eyes full of emotion.
“If I die, you can havemy Coach wallet and my fancy tweezers. Don’t let those eyebrows get too crazy.”
I chuckled, tears springingto my eyes as I pulled him in for an extended hug. “Don’t leave me,” Iwhispered. Seriously, I needed him.
He squeezed me back, thenhis trainer asked me to go so he could get him prepared. I left the gym andsuddenly I knew that I couldn’t watch. There was no way in hell I could watchthis fight. Not Jayden. I turned the corner to go to the cafeteria and slammedinto Ryder. My breath whooshed out of me.
As he pulled back, hiseyes ran over my face. He was doing that thing where he attempted to ferret outmy secrets. Probably he was seeing quite clearly the anguish I was not hidingvery well.
“You should watch thefights. It will help you learn the other ashes’ moves, and it will desensitizeyou a small amount to the killing.”
“Jayden’s fighting. Ican’t … I will watch the others,” I mumbled, and my answer seemed to satisfyhim. He nodded and turned to walk away towards the gym. I felt a need to saysomething more.
“Ryder, about last night… I’m sor—”
He cut me off. “It’sfine. You’re right, I have issues.” Without another word he stalked off.
I groaned and went insearch of food. Blood hunger was not a good thing and I needed a majordistraction from the fact that Jayden would be very shortly fighting for hislife. I had every faith in my bestie, but that didn’t make the next few hoursany easier.
Then next five days were the worst of mylife. Ryder sat by my side and made me watch every fight. He was an expert atnoting weaknesses, and he drilled it into me over and over. Of course, it wasup to me to read the fighter once I was in the ring, to utilize any and allweaknesses. Twenty-five ash were dead. Each battle was a bloodbath of mammothproportions, and sometimes as I sat there I wondered how the hell it could evenbe real. Though Ryder had been right about one thing: I was growingdesensitized to the killing.
I mean, in the lastfight, the middle-eastern-looking ash had torn out the spinal cord of hisopponent – his mutha-freakin’ spinal cord – and I’d barely even flinched. Ididn’t like the coldness which was starting to spread out from my chest, but Iknew it was essential to me having the smallest chance of surviving. I justhoped when it was all over, if I survived, there would still be some of the oldCharlie left inside.
Jayden, who had survivedall his fights so far, was in the recovery wing, regrowing part of his calfmuscle, and my first fight was in an hour. I forced myself to focus. I could dothis. I was strong and smart and had boobs – surely boobs were a distraction Icould use to my advantage in an all-male lineup.
After the spinal cordfight, I’d been escorted back into the locker room. I sat on the bench, my footbouncing in a weird, agitated manner. I hadn’t told my mom or Tessa I wasfighting today, skirting around it every time they asked. I couldn’t hear theirgoodbyes or any sappy shit. Even if that was unfair to them, I needed a clearhead.
The door opened and Ilooked up to meet the eyes of my trainer. Ryder looked all kinds of badass andsexy today. His black-ribbed cotton shirt, tight across the biceps, did morethan hint at the heavy muscle beneath. I stood and he crossed over to standright beside me, dwarfing me as usual with his bulk and height. We clashedgazes. His eyes were a storm cloud of silver gray. I felt it then. The emotionsfrom him were stronger than usual, and I somehow knew that If I died, Ryderwould care.
I reached for my focus,starting to jump on the balls of my feet to keep my muscles warm, like he’dtaught me.
He met my eyes andnodded. “Charlie.”
I paused mid-jump; asmile spread across my face. “You called me Charlie. What happened to numberforty-six?”
