“The difference is I’m not as reckless as you are.”
“How so? Please don’t act like you have never gotten caught up before,” I fumed.
“Are you serious right now, dude? Yeah, I have gotten caught up but that shit still doesn’t compare to what your ass did. I always use protection when I do my shit! Bet you can’t say the same! Plus, I never married any of the women I fucked around with,” Tate debated. “You even said it yourself that Ava didn’t completely satisfy you, so why you married her is the million-dollar question? You could never compare what you done got yourself into to anything I have ever done in life, period!”
“Wow! So now we gone’ take the conversation there. Okay, for one, I married her because it was the right move for me to make. And two, just because I said that she didn’t completelysatisfy me didn’t mean that I didn’t love her or enjoy sex with her… it just wasn’t enough. Look, I’m feeling like shit as it is, and I have to go to my doctor’s appointment in the morning. I truly don’t want to go, but I have no choice because I need for him to fill out my paperwork packet for work. Every appointment leaves me feeling fucked up because of the whole HIV virus shit that I’m still trying to process and figure out. So, I’ma go bury my head in the dirt ‘cause now I feel even more fucked up than before I called you. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Hold up.” Tate laughed.
“I personally don’t see shit funny.”
“I’m not laughing at you, but that was kind of funny. Talking about you gon’ go bury your head in the dirt and shit. Get out your bag, nigga! You got yourself in this mess, so you gon’ have to man up. The virus isn’t the end of the world! Just be lucky that you found out when you did.”
“Yeah, coming from a person that tested negative… that’s easy for you to say.”
“I’m still not completely in the clear though. Just the fact that I had to get tested for the shit was fucked up, so I get why you feel like you feel. Hell, stand in the mirror and slap the first dummy you see ‘cause the shit is all your fault.”
“So, you gon’ take every waking opportunity to remind me about how I fucked up, huh!” I yelled then continued, “I already feel like shit. I’ve lost it all and gained a death wish! I don’t need to feel any worse than I already do. You shouldn’t have accepted my apology if you haven’t completely forgiven me ‘cause I’m sick of you throwing the shit up in face.”
“Get out yo feelings, J. Stop looking at it like having HIV is a death wish. There are hundreds of people that live long, productive lives with HIV, so stop tripping.”
“That’s easy for you to say. I bet if you would have tested positive, you’d be singing a different tune.”
“Shit, you right about that! The first song I’d be singing is the whoop yo ass tune since you the one who gave me that shit! So, you should be damn glad I tested negative,” Tate said. “I tried calling you a few nights ago. I figured you had a lot going on. The last time we talked, you said you were going to try to get Ava to hear you out. I never heard back from you to see how that went. Did you get a chance to talk to her?”
“Well, we’re officially divorced now, so what does that tell you? I went over there the other night, and she had a whole nigga at her crib.”
“My bad, Justin. Try to think of it as it happened for a reason. Now you can live in your truth.”
“What does that mean? Live in my truth?! Here you go again.”
“Seriously, you have no choice but to make better moves from here on out. You have to look on the bright side of it all.”
“Man, there is no bright side! It’s whatever, my life has forever been changed by all of this. Even when it comes to dating. Who gon’ want to fuck with me when I’m walking around with HIV?”
“Once you get on the right medications and get past the fact that you now have to live with the virus, things will fall into place. Just give yourself some time.”
“Yeah, whatever. Like I said, I’m about to go bury my head in the fucking dirt. I feel like shit, and that’s that.”
“How about we meet up and go have dinner? There’s no sense in you sitting in the crib sulking over some shit you can’t change. It’s fucked up you have the virus. I’ll give you that, but all that means is you’re gonna have to make some hard lifestyle changes, and you’ll be straight. Trust and believe, you’re gonna be good.”
“This conversation is turning me off. You can talk all that shit ‘cause yo ass ain’t got it. You can’t speak on emotions that youhaven’t experienced,” I said. This nigga was pissing me off every time he opened his mouth.
“You’re right. My bad. I didn’t think about it that way. I just don’t know what to say to cheer you up. I offered dinner, we could go get some crab legs and feast on a broil or something. I’m off tomorrow, and if you want, I’ll even go with you to the doctor. I’m willing to be there for you as a friend.”
“Damn, you’d do that for me? I appreciate that, Tate.”
“Yeah, it’s all good, even though I should have kicked your ass. I take part of the blame because I chose to fuck with you on that level. Now that I know better, I’ll do better. We’ll never fuck around again, but I can still be your friend. If you want, I can come pick you up. I’m already out, I was riding around trying to decide on what to eat for dinner when you called me.”
“Okay, bet. I’ll be ready in ten minutes.”
Hanging up the phone with Tate I felt a little better. He had me hot for a minute but offering to go out for dinner and having my back as my friend was something that I needed and appreciated him for. It felt good knowing that I had someone that was in my corner. I was still upset that Ava had gone out and gotten a divorce. Hell, I was still trying to grasp the fact that I had lost it all. Tate was right, I needed to learn to accept all that had happened and move on.
Heading into my bathroom, I freshened up then went into my closet and changed into a pair of True Religion jeans and the shirt to match. Putting on a pair of black Forces because they were easy for me to slide my feet into since my hip was healed for the most part, but not completely, so bending over or lifting my legs up to tie my shoestrings was still a little bit of a challenge for me.
After I got dressed, I sprayed on some Savage cologne then headed downstairs to wait for Tate. As soon as I made it to thekitchen, he was pulling up in my driveway and calling me on the phone so that I could come out.
“You good, bro?” Tate asked as I gave him dap once I got into his GMC Yukon.
