What hurt the most was that I thought Shane was loyal to our friendship. He never made me feel like he’d ever do something like that to me. No one could convince me that Shane wasn’t worthy of my trust before all of this happened. He had always been there for me no matter what he had going on. I had confided so much in him about my relationship that it made me feel like a fool. The level of betrayal was something that I would never be okay with. What they did to me was unforgivable in my eyes and heart, but I knew that I needed to be able to forgive in order to move on.
Especially when it came to Kevin. I was glad that he was willing to give me time to move on, but I didn’t want him to feel like I was leading him on. I didn’t want him to think that I wasn’t into him because I was. I just wasn’t fully ready to be in a relationship just yet.
Speaking of Shane, he had been reaching out to me ever since I found out what was going on, but I didn’t have any desire to ever speak with him again. As far as I was concerned, our friendship was over and could never be salvageable. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss our friendship up until I knew how deceitful he truly was. The whole time he was phony kicking it with me and sleeping with my husband… all while carrying HIV was just too much to bear. There would be no point in us ever trying to mend fences when I knew in my heart that I would never be able to fully forgive him for what he did.
I didn’t even feel bad for him having the virus, as mean as that might be. I felt like it was his karma. I was thankful that God had spared me, and I didn’t have it. Shane knew that I was done with him and that there was no coming back, but he continued to reach out to me consistently, whether it would be via text or phone call. I just never responded because there was nothing he could say or do to make what he did okay.
Now that my divorce was final, I vowed to myself in order to move forward in my life that I would need to forgive them both. That didn’t mean that I was forgiving them to the point of us ever being able to be cool or cordial with each other. Forgiveness was more for my benefit than theirs. Starting my car and pulling out of the parking lot, I decided to call my sister to give her the good news.
“Hey boo-boo, how did your appointment go? I can’t wait to hear all about it,” Dawn answered her phone sounding all giddy.
“It went great! I’m finally FREE! My divorce is final!” I sang in the phone. I felt a huge wave of relief that caused for me to let out a long sigh.
“Yay!” Dawn bellowed into the phone. “I’m so freaking happy for you! You are happy now, right?”
“Thank you, and yes, I’m very happy! I’m so glad that I finally got that monkey off of my back, you just don’t know.”
“I can imagine because in just a short period of time you have gone through a lifetime of hurt, pain, and betrayal.”
“You know just what to say!” I agreed. “So, I was thinking that today would be the perfect day for us to finally have that double date with Kevin and Troy.”
“Ummm…okay. I’m cool with that,” Dawn agreed, “A lil’ celebration, I can get with that!”
“You sure? ‘Cause I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. I know how you are, and you haven’t said much about Troy lately. I just wanted to make sure before I called Kevin and set everything up that you were cool with it.”
“It’s all good for sure. To be honest, I actually really like him. I haven’t been saying much about him because there isn’t much to say other than we have been talking on the phone daily. We haven’t seen each other since the move.”
“Well, that’s a big step that y’all have been talking. You usually dump people before you can even really get to know them so...”
“Oh, don’t say it like that!” Dawn interrupted. “You make it sound like it’s a bad thing. I just don’t have time for foolery.”
“I mean, it’s bad and good. There’s no telling how many guys you done kicked to the curb that could have actually turned out to be really great guys.”
“Like who though? I think I am a very good judge of character to be honest. I dropped Tate’s ass like a hot potato and thank God above that I did.”
“Well, you do have a point when it comes to Tate. I never saw any of that coming,” I agreed.
“I didn’t see that coming either. I just knew that something was off about him. Girl, can you imagine what I would have done to his ass had I given him some of this cookie just to find out he was out fucking on men and exposing himself to that stuff?” Dawn whispered in the phone. “Chile!” Dawn exclaimed and I giggled. But at the same time didn’t find it too funny because I was a part of the equation she was mocking and joking about. I figured she must have had a client nearby because she was talking all low into the phone.
“I totally get it. I’m just thankful that thus far my results are straight and now I can finally move on.”
“Straight up! So, have you heard from Justin lately? How did he take the divorce being final without his consent?”
“No, I haven’t heard from him, and I hope to not hear from him any time soon. I could care less how he feels about it to be honest. When I had to show up in court, he wasn’t there so it is what it is.”
“Whew, thank God for that! I didn’t know that they could do divorces like that. I thought you both had to show up in court.”
“I guess under the circumstances it ended up being different. I don’t know. I am most thankful of that because I don’t know how I would feel if I would’ve had to be in the same room with him.”
“I can understand that.” Dawn agreed. “What about Shane, have you heard from him?”
“It’s funny that you brought him up. He called me a few days ago, but I didn’t answer. He ended up texting me that same day this long ass apology, but I never responded.”
“Girl, fuck him and his apology!”
“Right.” I agreed.
“I don’t want to sour the mood talking about those losers. Thank God all of that and them are now behind you.”
