“You lost her.”
He nodded stiffly but kept his eyes on Samari. That wasn’t his life anymore. Asao had left the streets years ago but everyone knew no one was ever truly detached. She had to think about what that meant for her life, and after what she just witnessed, he wouldn’t blame her if she walked away and never looked back.
“They blame you?” she asked quietly. “Her family.”
“Yeah, and I respect how they feel. That was her sister but she was my heart. I blame myself, so I try not to let it get to me, but I’m barely carrying my own fucking anger and guilt. I can’t carry hers too.”
“You shouldn’t have to.”
“Yeah I should. I need to carry the shit and never fucking forget.”
She turned her attention toward the beach, and after a few more minutes of silence, Asao yanked a hand down his face. “This isn’t a conversation I wanted to have with you. But it’s necessary. That isn’t my life anymore but my past will always be attached to my future, whether I like it or not.”
Samari turned and met his gaze. “I don’t know what you want me to do with that. You’re already all over me, Asao. I want things with you that I probably shouldn’t but I can’t stop wanting them. I can’t do a damn thing about your past any more than I can make myself not want whatever this is we’re doing and that scares the shit out of me.”
“You don’t have to be afraid to be with me, Mari.” His expression was hard and she smiled softly while laughing dryly.
“But I am and not because of what you just told me. You lost once, I have a feeling you’ll never let that happen again. My fear is about knowing that I’m already feeling things for you that could hurt me and I don’t know what to do with that.”
“You don’t have to do shit with it. I told you I’m carrying it all, Mari. Your insecurities and your fears, even if I’m the source of them shits.”
“You can’t be the problem and the solution, Asao.”
“I’m good at multitasking.” Asao brushed a hand over his head, allowing a minute for his mood to settle. There were a lot of lingering emotions tied to his past and Samari didn’t deserve to be tainted by the things that sometimes kept him up at night. He pushed past them and prayed she would follow. “You ready for next week?”
The smile she exposed lifted the weight from his chest. “I’m nervous.”
“I know you’re not still worried about that shit with Cobra?” His tone was level as opposed to the irritation attached to knowing Samari feared the actions of another man’s ability to touch her life while in his care.
“You said it’s handled, so I’m trusting you.”
“Then why are you nervous?”
“It’s been two years. What if my time has passed? If I hand over my heart and it’s rejected…”
Her eyes met his, delivering the double meaning. She was fearful of being rejected by fans who no longer cared about her talent and fearful of opening her heart to Asao. Both would shatter her world in irreparable ways.
“As soon as you open your mouth, they’re going to fall, Mari. Shit, I know I did.” He smirked but made sure he confirmed his double meaning as well.
“You’re biased.”
“Nah, I’m as real as they come. I don’t have a damn thing in this world but the promises I deliver and the decree I stand on. You never have to worry about me compromising either on some bullshit that doesn’t add value to my life or my world.”
She nodded, believing every single word. As complex as Asao might seem on the surface, at the core, he was simple. Trust, loyalty and pride were the fibers that made up the man.
“So can I be nervous about being the first artist representing Track Killaz?” she asked with a curious smile.
“My name is on it, so no, but the question is are you with us?”
“I’m pretty sure I don’t have a choice.”
“You know better than that,” he said smoothly and she nodded.
“I do but why now? Is this about me?” Samari’s brows furrowed while she stared at his handsome face, waiting. She wouldn’t be so arrogant to assume the birth of his label was all about her, but considering the timing, she had to at least think the decision had been heavily influenced by her situation and his need to help.
“If I say yes, your ass might run.” Asao laughed lightly and moved a hand down his face. He leaned back on his elbows and Samari frowned, glancing at him over her shoulder. “Niles had the idea. I’m sure he’d been tossing that shit around in his head for a while, but when Cap decided to sell his spot, Niles brought it to me. Knowing what you needed and what I could offer was motivation to say yes.”
“Then it’s about me?”
