Normally she would argue that she was capable of doing her part, but he was right. The others would not be going into the castle with her, so they could afford to be tired. Only Roul would join her. The logic behind that decision was that her presence needed to be as unthreatening as possible, and arriving with a small army might raise a flag or two.
‘Thank you for the meal and opening your home to us,’ Eda said to Wilona as she prepared to leave.
Roul’s mother smiled. ‘You are welcome here anytime.’
* * *
After spending time with his family, Roul went to relieve Blackmane. The defender bid him goodnight before heading off to get some sleep. Roul tugged the hood of his cloak up for warmth and stood beneath the small veranda of the house, just out of reach of the rain, watching the horses. They were huddled in the pig shelter, the donkey comfortably among them.
As he looked around, he felt homesick, which made no sense at all given he was finally home. The problem was it no longer felt like it, and the notion of returning to live there permanently sat like stone inside him. Of course, he would do it. He would not abandon those dependent on him.
Except that he would be abandoning Eda in the process.
‘I want to hold your hand in the dark.’
He suspected she needed him as much as he needed her. She had kissed him like she needed him that morning. And despite knowing it was a bad idea, he had kissed her back. He would have given her anything in that moment, because the sight of her in a vulnerable state was both rare and heartbreaking.
A few hours into his watch, Roul’s head began to drop with fatigue. He stepped out in the rain and walked to the house where they were staying. All was dark and still inside—and ice cold. He looked around at the sleeping bodies and, when he located Tatum, gave him a tap with his foot. The defender woke with a start, then reached for his boots.
Roul went to check on Eda in the next room. She was curled in a ball beneath a pile of blankets, shivering. He walked over to the bed his sisters had made for her, which was not much of a bed. There was nothing between the thin mattress and the icy floor. Her breaths came soft and even, indicating she was asleep.
He stood over her for the longest time, waiting for the shivering to stop. As he watched her, he imagined leaving her in a couple of years, imagined what that goodbye would sound like. What it wouldfeellike. He knew they would probably never see each other again. Giving up his position was one thing, but walking away from her was something else entirely. She was the best part of his current life with her games and jokes and inappropriate conversations. She was spontaneous swims in the rain. She was racing through the trees and falling onto the grass. Her mind was free in a way his would never be.
How did one walk away from that?
Unable to watch her shiver any longer, Roul removed his cloak, boots, belt, and tunic and climbed in next to her. Instinctively, she moved closer until her legs met his beneath the blankets. Roul wrapped himself around her until every soft edge of her was moulded into the nooks of his body. After a few minutes, the shivering stopped, and a contented breath passed her lips.
Eyes sinking shut, Roul fell into a deep sleep beside her.
CHAPTER22
Eda woke a little before dawn wrapped in warmth. She blinked her eyes open and looked down at the arm secured around her—Roul’s arm. Her back was pressed to his chest, her head tucked beneath his chin. How was it possible to have such a contrast in size and yet fit so perfectly together? She did not want to move, because she did not want to wake him. If he woke, he would withdraw the arm, the warmth, the affection. It was inconvenient needing him for basic things like warmth. She was not supposed to need him for anything. She was not supposed to need anyone outside her family. But there she was, breathing Roul in like oxygen and setting herself up for heartbreak.
His palm lay open in front of her, tempting her. Carefully, she brought one arm from beneath the blanket and curled her hand into his. She just wanted to pretend for a moment that he belonged to her, that the arm around her was not that of a caring friend but a besotted lover.
She jumped when his hand enclosed hers suddenly.
Roul laughed quietly, his body vibrating against hers. When she turned in his arms, she expected him to retreat, but his arm remained around her.
‘What are you doing in my bed, Commander?’
‘Running at around 50 percent of my usual body heat thanks to you.’
He was half asleep, his dark hair sticking up in all directions. She resisted the urge to run her fingers through it.
Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. They simply watched each other. Eda was aware of the change in her heart rate as she stared at him. All kinds of thoughts popped into her mind. At one point, she even pictured Roul and Hildred waking up together and wondered if they slept naked.
‘What’s going on in that head of yours?’ Roul asked, reaching up to brush hair off her face.
‘I’m just thinking about the day ahead,’ she lied.
‘Your performance of a lifetime?’
A nod.
‘Are you nervous?’
She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. ‘I’m nervous about the gown.’
