She brushed away the next tear. ‘For the first time in my life, I’m doubting my ability to survive.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.’
His fingers brushed the back of her hand. ‘You accept my help until you figure it out.’
They were silent for a moment.
‘I miss you,’ she said to the sky. ‘But I’m so angry.’
He nodded. ‘That’s all right. Hate me if it’s easier.’ He turned his head to look at her again. ‘Just don’t let it make you reckless. I need you alive at the end of all this.’
She turned to meet his gaze, then brought her lips to his uniformed shoulder. ‘This is so much bigger than us now. That new wall will change everything.’
‘I know.’
‘Do you?’ She tilted her head up to read his face. ‘We won’t die quietly. This is no longer about what the king is keeping out but who he’s trapping inside.’
Bringing a hand to her face, he kissed her forehead so gently she wondered if she had imagined it. What a contradiction he was. Breaking her one moment, then gathering up all the pieces of her the next. She never doubted his feelings though, not even when his fury burned holes in her skin.
‘My orders are to protect that wall at any cost,’ he whispered.
‘I know.’
‘Any man, woman, or child who removes a single brick from that wall will pay.’
More silence as dogs whined in the distance. At least they were getting farther away.
‘The day your sister was lashed,’ Harlan said, ‘you signed something to her. It made her stop crying. What was it?’
She thought back to that day, then realised what he was referring to. Lifting her hands, she signed and spoke the words. ‘Stand tall and strong, warrior.’ Her hands fell to her stomach. ‘My father used to say that to us when we were children. Whenever we scraped our knees playing gameball or returned home in tears because the boys were being mean to us. He wanted his daughters to be resilient. It was like he knew what lay ahead of us.’
‘Resilience is probably the greatest lesson a merchant father can teach his child.’
She studied his face in the dark. ‘Would you save him for me if you had your time over again?’
His eyebrows came together. ‘Kingsley?’
She nodded.
‘I see you suffer every day because he’s not here. What do you think?’
She let out a breath, thoughts drifting again. ‘Lyndal said I should forgive you for everything that happened before us.’
‘Maybe.’ He watched her in the dark. ‘I think the question is, can you forgive me for everything that happensafterus?’
‘I don’t know.’ She pressed her forehead to his. ‘I hope so, because I don’t have the energy to hate you anymore. This existence is exhausting.’
His eyes searched hers. ‘You keep your head down, but you don’t give up the fight. You hear?’
Another nod.
They listened as the dogs and their handlers gave up their search and disappeared into the trees.
‘Promise me you won’t try anything like that again,’ Harlan whispered.
Blake swallowed. ‘I promise.’
