She moved from tree to tree, carving and hooking, dragging the insects out and dropping them into a piece of cloth so she could take them home to her family.
Five grubs in, she heard a twig snap behind her. She spun around, pointing the embarrassing knife at the intruder. Her hand fell. ‘Mother.’ She looked past her to see if she was alone. ‘What are you doing all the way out here by yourself?’
Candace pulled her cloak tighter around her. ‘You are all the way out here by yourself.’
‘Yes, but I’m armed.’
Her mother eyed the knife in her hand. ‘Bit of a stretch.’ She looked down at the moving pile of grubs on the ground. ‘Are you collecting bait?
Blake followed her gaze. ‘Actually, I’m gathering our next meal.’ She bent, picked up one of the wriggling grubs, and popped it into her mouth.
Her mother flinched at the sound of her chewing.
‘Don’t worry, I had the same reaction the first time I saw Harlan eat one.’ Blake picked up another and held it out for her mother. ‘They’re best eaten fresh and raw.’
‘The commander told you they were safe to eat?’ her mother asked, not taking the grub.
‘Yes. Defenders are taught ways to survive off the land as part of their training. Pity they don’t teach merchants, really.’
Candace drew a breath, her face determined, and took the grub from Blake. She closed her eyes as she put it in her mouth, chewing quickly. Her eyes opened as she swallowed. ‘You know, I think it is the idea more than the taste.’
Blake smiled. ‘Agreed.’
Candace reached out and took the knife from her daughter’s hand. ‘Could you show me how to find them?’
Blake tilted her head. ‘Why? What’s going on?’ When her mother teared up and looked away, Blake stepped closer and placed a hand on her arm. ‘Whatever is the matter?’
Candace took a moment to collect herself. ‘It should be me.’
‘What should be you?’
Candace pressed her lips together. ‘Out here, scavenging for food. I should be begging at the gate if that is what it takes.’
Blake watched her mother struggle to get the words out.
‘I stopped being the parent,’ Candace said.
Blake understood then. ‘Is that what’s upsetting you? You lost your husband. Then you lost your son. You were grieving.’
‘We wereallgrieving. Every one of us. But only I fell apart. You were just a child when your father died. You needed your mother to get out of bed.’
‘And you did.’
Candace gave her a knowing look. ‘I was no use to anyone, so you sat me in a chair with a needle and thread.’
Blake swallowed.
‘The night you returned from the wall. The night Harlan dropped the package. I saw your face when you walked in,’ Candace continued. ‘I asked you what was wrong, and you said nothing. You were protecting me like one does their child. That was the moment I realised how severely I have failed you all.’
Blake sighed and looked around. ‘I simply did not wish to add to your suffering.’
Candace brushed a tear from her cheek. ‘Well, I refuse to see you worry and suffer alone from this point forwards.’ She sniffed. ‘And you should know that I am very sorry for the things I said to you the day you returned from the nobility borough. I was not angry at you but frightened for you.’ She brushed another tear. ‘I am very sorry for the things I said to you that day, but I am more sorry for all the things I did not say.’
Blake tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘What did you not say?’
‘I did not say how happy I am that you got to experience that kind of love. It is such a rare and precious thing. I see now that your feelings for one another were genuine. I truly hope that kind of love comes again for you, but the reality of our situation is that it probably will not. So I stand before you now, a little late, and say hold tight to those memories.’
Blake bit her lower lip. ‘If you had your time over, would you have done anything different?’
