Maybe because I knew that no matter how far or how fast I ran, I couldn’t escape the grief of losing him.
But right now, as my feet pound against the sidewalk, that feeling of freedom is starting to blossom once more in my chest.
My lungs ache as I breathe, and my thighs are beginning to feel heavy, but I welcome the pain because I know it’s the kind I can survive. So, I push harder and faster until I lose track of time.
My feet carry me forward as the sun slowly rises. My skin becomes slick with sweat, and loose strands of hair stick to my face, but I still don’t slow down. At least not until I see the lake come into view, and I stagger to a halt.
I hadn’t realized where I was going, but it seems my body was acting on autopilot. Why else would I find myself at the lake where my father used to bring me all the time when I was little?
We’d sit on the grass for hours, feeding the ducks and laughing at their greedy little fights over the crumbs.Sometimes, he’d even sneak me candy without my mom knowing, saying it didn’t count if we were outside.
This lake was our spot, just for the two of us. Not even Callum would come down here. It was a safe place where there was no work talk or fighting. It was a place where I could simply be a kid who wanted to hang out with her dad without all of the pressure of mafia life.
I take off at a jog, veering off the road and cutting through the trees until the full lake comes into view, the water dark and still under the faint light of dawn. Only then do I slow to a walk, my heart aching at the sight of the lake as I’m flooded with memories of my father.
I think he used to love coming here even more than I did, and not just for the secret candy.
Sinking onto the grass at the water’s edge, I hug my knees to my chest as I try to catch my breath.
God, I miss him.
I miss his laugh and his terrible jokes, and the way he made me feel like I was the most important thing in his world.
When he was around, life felt simple and safe.
But now it’s like I’m constantly treading water, fighting to keep my head above the surface.
I blink up at the sky as the first real rays of sun start to streak across it, and wonder if he’d be proud of me if he were still around.
Would he understand why I married Ronan? Or would he hate me for it? Or maybe he’d tell me to find my own path and to stop living in the shadow of old feuds.
I collapse back on the grass and close my eyes, trying to make sense of my racing thoughts.
Regardless of what my father would think, all I know is that the more time I spend around Ronan, the more confused I get.
He’s infuriating and arrogant as hell. But he’s also fiercely loyal and passionate. And last night when he let his walls down just a little, I saw that he’s capable of such staggering tenderness that it makes my heart ache.
I drag a hand through my messy hair and groan.
This deal was supposed to be simple. Get in and get close before destroying him and his entire empire. Yet somehow, I’m the one who feels like she’s crumbling.
I lean on my elbows and stare at the sky, breathing in the cool morning air as I let the pain settle in my chest instead of fighting it.
Maybe Mila is right. Maybe it’s time to stop clinging so tightly to the past and instead, figure out whatIwant rather than what my father would have wanted or what Callum expects of me.
The only problem is, I’m not sure I know anymore. But for the first time in a long time, I think I want to find out.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
RONAN
I lean backin my chair and rub my throbbing temples as I stare blankly at the screen in front of me.
There was no way in hell I was going to attempt to go back to sleep after the way I went off at Ciara.
I’ve been sitting at my desk for hours, trying to undo what she did to the accounts system, but the longer I look at it, the harder it is to deny the truth staring me in the face.
Her changes are way more efficient and secure, with less risk and more reward. Every rational part of me knows that adopting her setup would be the smartest move for the business. But knowing it and accepting it are two very different things.
