Once I say the words, I can’t take them back, and everything changes.Wewill change, and there’s no guarantee it will be for the better.
Against my better judgment, my will, I’m falling for my husband. And the thought of losing him…
My phone buzzes on the nightstand, making me jump.
I reach over and pick it up to see another message from Mila. She’s been checking in most mornings to see how I am because the morning sickness is ramping up, and I’m finding it harder and harder to hide it.
How are you feeling? Let me know if you want company, as I have the day off. I can bring over soup or ice cream, and we can just lie in bed and bitch about men x
A soft laugh escapes me before I can stop it. Somehow Mila always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better.
Me
I’m ok, just tired…
Mila
Not sleeping well still?
Me
Not really, my mind is being loud.
Mila
There’s a pretty good solution for that…
I roll my eyes at Mila’s message.
Me
I might try and get some more sleep…
I wait for Mila to push the subject more, but thankfully she decides to drop it.
Mila
Good idea, I’ll check back in later x
I set the phone down and stare at the ceiling as guilt creeps in again.
I want nothing more than for Mila to come around and spend the day watching trashy reality shows, but I know she’ll end up trying to talk me into telling Ronan, and I need to tell him in my own time.
He’s under a lot of pressure right now, and I don’t want this pregnancy to be the one thing that finally tips him over the edge.
I settle back against the plush pillows and try to close my eyes in the hopes of at least napping for a while longer when my mouth fills with saliva once again, and my stomach churns.
I groan as I throw back the covers and scramble to the bathroom just in time to empty my stomach into the toilet.
A thin sheen of sweat breaks out along the back of my neck as I dry heave before collapsing on the cold tile floor, holding the rim as I try to breathe through my nose as another wave of nausea hits me.
My throat burns, and my eyes water, but there’s nothing left to come up. I’ve barely eaten a full meal in days, and last night I could only stomach a few saltines and some peanut butter before I had to call it quits and run to the bathroom.
The term morning sickness is complete bullshit.
I can’t keep this a secret for much longer, and what’s worse is that I canceled my scan because I was too chicken to tell Ronan.
I was meant to have my first ultrasound this morning, but I couldn’t bear the thought of Ronan not being there with me. I want him there to share the moment with me, so instead of using the scan as a reason to tell him, I once again buried my head in the sand and pushed it back.
