It might be less convenient to eat with her on his lap, but the snuggles made everything better.
“Now run along with you all,” Agnes said, as the children began to finish their pieces of bread.“You have chores to finish before dinner.”
As the children disappeared, Nathaniel turned to Agnes with a thankful smile.“I’m going to my office,” he said.“Send for me if you need me for something urgent, but I have some work that I would prefer to do undisturbed, if at all possible.”
“The important word there beingpossible,” Agnes said with a smile.
Nathaniel laughed as he left.The children didn’t understand what the word urgent meant, and it wouldn’t surprise him in the least if they found him.He could at least try to read his letters before they did.
He made his way to his office and closed the door quietly, hoping none of the children would hear him and come running.He took the bag off his shoulder and placed it on his desk, sitting down and staring at it in trepidation.
He didn’t want to read them.
And yet, he did.
Had she gone through a similar experience as him?Had her early letters been full of hope that they would one day be reunited, only to grow less hopeful as time went on?
His jaw clenched.Roan had taken so much from them.How could Thea forgive him?She seemed willing to forgive so easily, but the thought of forgiving his brother for taking away their only point of contact made his stomach hurt.
He reached out and opened the bag, dumping the stack of letters onto his desk.
There were more than he’d expected.
Had he sent this many?How long had she written?There were so many to read… He needed to start.
Before he turned into a cat again.
Nat,
It’s been a long time since I’ve written you, and I don’t know if I’ll even send this letter.But you are the only person I want to talk to right now, and since you’re not here for me to talk to, I thought maybe writing would help.
My mother is gone.She and I kept the business going after my father passed, but now I’m alone.No parents.No you.And soon, no bakery.
I’m leaving Riyel.I have devoted my life to running this bakery, which I can no longer do on my own.This town is too big and our clientele too large, and I cannot even put one foot in front of the other at the moment—much less run the business that my father started so many years ago.
I am ashamed to admit it, but I think a fresh start is needed.I’m selling the bakery to Harold, the boy who took your place all those years ago.He has a sweetheart, and I’m sure that they will make a fine living of it.
I no longer want to do it alone.
I don’t know where I will go or what I will do, but I’m a hard worker, and I know that I will be able to find work somewhere.Maybe I will walk north to find the first village that seems like it has a place for me.Or maybe I’ll go south.
But you came from the north, and if you came from the north, I can only hope for more people like you there.People who maybe, someday, I can learn to trust—even after losing everyone and everything I ever loved.
I still think of you, even when I shouldn’t.
My mother talked about you, especially toward the end, when she was going to leave me alone.She wanted me to look for you, but I can’t.I cannot risk finding you—finding your heart has been stolen by another—because I cannot imagine that after all these years, it hasn’t been.
I’m quite resolved to hate you, you know.It seems far easier than loving you, and it has been for quite some time.And I’m afraid, if I found you, that I would change my mind.
And that seems far harder than hating you.
I only wish things could have been different.Maybe, if they had, I wouldn’t have lost everything.But everything changed when you left, and I don’t think my life will ever be the way it was.
And that’s your fault.
Nathaniel put the letter down, his stomach hurting.He thought that she had been hurting him, but he had hurt her just as much, if not more.
He had been here with his family, helping his mother and keeping busy.Thea had been in Riyel, missing him, with no knowledge of why he was not answering her and no way of knowing where to find him…and no real reason to go find him.
