When she was younger, she’d dreamed of her parents returning from some far-flung place and rescuing her.
She didn’t dream of that anymore.
“Goodnight, babies,” Sophia said, catching Mollie around the neck and pulling her closer so she could kiss the top of her head. “Sleep well.”
She made her way outside and climbed the fence west of the barn, perching on a fence post and looking up at the stars. The crisp fall air felt wonderful, though she wished she’d grabbed her cloak before leaving her room. She wrapped her arms around herself and took a deep breath, closing her eyes and just breathing for a moment.
It would have been nice if her life had been different, but she couldn’t change it now. She could only move forward with the life that she already had. If that meant she was going to spend the rest of her life looking for someone to love her, she would do that.
It couldn’t be possible for someone to spend their whole life without finding anyone who would love them, right?
She had to believe it wasn’t possible.
There was a noise as a door somewhere opened and shut, and Sophia looked over to see Caspian wandering toward her.
Relief poured through her. He wasn’t avoiding her—or he was doing a very bad job of it if he was.
He paused a few feet away from her and gave her a look she couldn’t figure out. “I thought you were avoiding me,” she said simply.
Caspian sighed and climbed the fence next to her. “I probably should,” he said, “but I can’t seem to stay away, even if I wanted to.”
“What does that mean?” she asked softly.
“Thea doesn’t want me to hurt you,” he said, his shoulder brushing against hers. He didn’t look at her, staring up at the stars instead. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t know what my future looks like here, and I don’t want to lead you on.”
“You’re not going to hurt me,” she said.
“You just told me that you thought I was avoiding you. That feels like hurting you.”
Sophia ignored the sharpness that stabbed her gut at the reminder. “I don’t mind.”
He let out a humorless chuckle. “I don’t think Dietrich and Thea feel the same way.”
“Did Dietrich say something, too?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Not yet. But it’s not just them. I don’t want to hurt you, either. I just don’t know what I’m doing.” He sighed, shifting on the fence, getting a little closer to her. “I used to look up at the stars when I was training in the city. They’re so much brighter here, but it still comforted me to know that I was looking at the same stars that they were looking at back home.”
“I find it hard to believe how much brighter they are here,” Sophia said. It still amazed her to look at them.
“Have you been to the city?” Caspian asked, looking down at her.
“I lived and worked in Riyel from when I was a wee thing until this spring,” Sophia said, shrugging her shoulders, the motion causing her to brush against him. “I never left the city before I came here.” She shivered at the memory of her journey when she’d fled, and how Dietrich had saved her. He’d brought her to Thea, who’d fed her, clothed her, and found her a job with Lord Rendon.
Without Dietrich and Thea, she wouldn’t have made it.
“I had to leave, or I would still be there now,” she said absentmindedly.
“Why did you have to leave?” Caspian asked, pulling off his coat and dropping it over her shoulders.
It was warm, and it smelled like him.
It was wonderful.
Sophia chewed on her bottom lip. She hadn’t meant to get into her past—how could she say it without him thinking she was overreacting or thinking it was worse than it was? “I thought I might be in danger if I stayed,” she said finally. “So I left.”
Caspian frowned at her. “What do you mean, in danger?” he asked. “Are you still in danger?”
Sophia shivered and looked up at the stars, avoiding eye contact. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I would like to think that I’m not, but for all I know, she could still be looking for me.”
