“It’s not—” I start. Stop. Don’t know how to finish.
“What happened out there?” Ember asks. Gentler now. Concerned rather than interrogating.
The defenses I’ve been holding crack. Maybe it’s exhaustion. Maybe it’s the weight of carrying this alone. Maybe it’s just that they’re my friends and I need someone to understand, even if I don’t understand myself.
“I don’t know what’s happening.” The confession escapes before I can stop it. “I went there to kill him. I planned it. Every detail. Exactly how I’d do it. What I’d say. How it would feel.”
“But you didn’t,” Mara says.
“I couldn’t. The Syndicate attacked, and I fought them and saved him, and then I couldn’t kill an unconscious man, and—” I stop.
“Breathe,” says Mara. “You’re going to hyperventilate if you don’t get oxygen to your brain.” She waits as I inhale deliberately. “Okay. So what happened next?”
“Then a storm trapped us. And we survived together. And I—” My throat tightens. “I can’t explain it.”
“Try,” Ember says. Sits on my other side.
“My heat cycle flared.”
Silence.
Then Mara: “Your what?”
Right. Human. Doesn’t know wolf shifter biology.
My cheeks burn hotter. “Heat cycle. It’s part of— Wolves have a reproductive cycle. When it hits, it’s overwhelming. This desperate need for—” I can’t say “sex” to Mara. “For intimacy. Targeted at the mate our wolf chooses.”
“Like being in heat,” Mara says. Understanding dawning. “Animals have that. Didn’t know shifters—”
“We do.” I force myself to continue. “Mine died when Chance did. Nothing since then. I thought it was gone permanently. Happens sometimes when a bonded wolf loses their mate.”
“But it came back,” Ember says quietly. “With him.”
“Yes.” The admission hurts. “The first time we fought—actually fought, blades out—it just… hit me. Came back like it never left. And it won’t stop. Constant. Overwhelming. And I don’t understand whyhim.”
“How long do these cycles last?” Mara asks.
“Four, maybe five days. Then it fades.”
“And this means he’s your mate?” Mara’s tone is careful. Curious but not pushing.
“Generally, yes.” I choose my words carefully. “Female wolves have regular cycles throughout the year. But when one flares inresponse to a specific male, that usually indicates that he’s her mate. But it’s not…” I pause. “It’s not a guarantee. There could be other factors.”
“What other factors?” Ember asks. Her tone suggests she already knows the answer, but she’s letting me say it.
“Stress. Adrenaline. Survival situations.” I’m grasping at straws, and I know it. “Sometimes they trigger biological responses. Wolves can go into bloodlust when their prey drive kicks in, after all. Maybe whatever happened to me created a response that mimicked mate recognition.”
Bullshit, Nadia.
Mara leans forward. “So maybe this wasn’t actually a mate thing. Maybe it was just your body reacting to the stress of being hunted?”
“I’ve never heard of a stress-induced heat cycle—” Ember starts.
“But it’s possible,” I interrupt. Desperate. “It has to be possible. Because the alternative is—” I can’t finish.
Mara looks at me with something like understanding. “Maybe give it time. See if it fades. Then you’ll know for sure.”
I latch onto this like a lifeline. “Yes. Maybe that’s it. Maybe in a few days, when the cycle ends, I’ll realize this was just biology. Just my body reacting to extreme circumstances.”
