“Um . . .” I whispered. “That’s a good question.”
Roman tilted his head. “You’ve never thought about it? Didn’t you say you were in love once?”
“Yes,” I said quietly, to the man I’d been in love with, now sitting across from me, asking questions he didn’t know he was the answer to. “Or at least I think I was. Maybe I wasn’t.” Which would have been an awful shame considering it was one of the big reasons I’d locked my heart. But what if it hadn’t been love? What if I just been mistakenly led to believe that?
A crease formed between Roman’s brows. “So you weren’t in love?”
I stared at him and thought back to that year of observing him from afar. From the first time I saw him until he unknowinglybroke my heart. I’d felt a connection with him like none other, and there was something about him.
He was kind and thought of others before himself. I supposed he was still that way. I loved how he was with Junie. And I knew he wanted to keep kissing me, but he’d stopped because he was afraid I’d miss my chance to find my true love. He also played a pretty good hero, saving me from trees and freak storms all without making me feel like a helpless damsel. As much as women say we don’t want to be taken care of, we really do. Or at least we want to know a man can take care of us if the need arises.
Were these all the things I was looking for?
“I’m not sure, but I want someone who sees me. All of me. Not just the outside but the inside too.”
Roman shifted, visibly uncomfortable. He probably thought I was making a dig at him after our conversation in the forest during the hoedown. But that wasn’t my intent. Not at all.
“I want someone who I feel utterly connected to. I want to feel like I belong. Not to him, but with him.”
I hadn’t felt like I belonged anywhere in so long. I craved that more than anything. “And I want him to be kind,” I added, my voice softer now. “My mom used to say that true love means wanting each other’s happiness more than your own.” I paused, heart thudding. “I believe that. I want that.”
I swallowed hard.
“And the great thing is—I think when you find a love like that, it wouldn’t be his happiness or mine. It would be ours.”
I looked squarely at Roman.
“Does that make sense?” I wasn’t sure. I thought I’d rambled too much. But it all seemed to feel right. Maybe even alittle like it had come from my heart. I wasn’t sure how that could be.
Roman appeared dumbfounded for a beat before he nodded. “Yes,” he said reverently.
“Great.” I breathed a sigh of relief, although I wasn’t sure why. “Well, there you go. If you can find me a man like that, I will say you’ve earned your cringey title.” I grinned.
Roman chuckled but stopped himself short. I had a feeling that he realized we might be acting too chummy. Oops.
He cleared his throat. “I’ll do my best.”
“Thank you.” It was weird to say, but it was all I could think to. “Is that all?”
“One more thing. Who did you fall in love with?”
I stared blankly at him. I should have expected him to ask that question. This was reality TV, after all. But it had caught me off guard. If he only knew it was him. But he never would. I would make sure of that.
“It doesn’t matter,” I stuttered.
“It could. Maybe he’s the key.”
“He’s not,” I snapped too fast.
Roman narrowed his eyes, trying to read me. There was nothing to read. I was a blank page.
“I’m not getting that vibe.”
I didn’t care what vibe he was getting. I jumped up. “Well, that was . . . well . . . not fun. I need to go. Don’t want to be late for the softball game.”
I yanked off the mic and dropped it on the table.
Roman watched, amused, but said nothing. He didn’t even try to stop me. Thank the Titans.
