Titania turned to me.“Bubba, we would happily aid you in your quest were we able.For love is one of the greatest forces in your world or ours.Unfortunately, I am not at my full strength, and if the reports I am hearing are correct, this dread disease may have affected the Winter Court as well.”
“You mean Mab might be sick, too?”Geri asked.
“Hoisted on her own petard, as it were,” Titania replied.“Whatever this plague is that she has visited upon us, my spies have told me that she is ill herself.Justice, albeit a cold one, to soothe my passing from this world.”
“I have told you, my love, that I do not feel this is Mab’s doing.It is far more likely to be his people who created this disease and set it loose in both our courts.”He pointed an accusing finger at me.“And now, with a tenuous but legitimate claim to both thrones, through his blood ties to both Mab and myself, here he comes to rule over all of Faerie.We should call Mathis and have him taken to the deepest cell in the dungeon.”
“Mathis already tried that,” I replied.“Didn’t work out so good for him.By the way, you might want to send somebody down to the dungeon with a key.I expect he’s pretty uncomfortable by now.”I turned my attention to Titania.“I don’t want my grandmother’s throne.I don’t want your throne.I don’t wantanythrone.I’m not the ruler type.I’m more the take orders from a ruler about who to punch type.But if you think this disease is going through both Summer and Winter, I hate to say it, but Oberon’s theory sounds pretty solid.If there’s a portal closer to Winter, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if somebody from my world came over and is trying to wipe out all the faeries and take this place over for themselves.”
“There is a portal that sits directly on the border between Winter and Summer,” Oberon said.“That would be a perfect spot to launch an assault on both realms.”
“Then that’s where we need to go,” Geri said.
“We will assist in any way we can,” Titania said.“We are unable to send soldiers thanks to this accursed disease, but you can supply yourself with horses, food, and weapons.Oberon will escort you to the armory, then Honeysuckle will take you back to the kitchen.My consort is…somewhat unpopular with the staff there.”The queen let a thin smile escape at that.
“Because he has been unduly popular with them in times past?”I said with a wicked grin at my dear old grandpa.I’d heard from Harker that he was in the doghouse with Titania thanks to his magical inability to keep it in his pants, and I couldn’t resist getting my shot in.
“That, and he’s rude to all the staff,” Honeysuckle interjected.She was obviously taking her shot while Obie was on the outs with the queen, too.“Even the ones of us who haven’t succumbed to his charms get treated like crap.He knows better than to come into Chef Vonn’s kitchen without his helm, or he might get a rolling pin laid across his noggin again.”Her grin was even more wicked than mine, and that was a pretty high bar.
“Again?”Jarvis asked.“The cook clocked you with a rolling pin?”he asked Oberon.
The Summer Queen’s consort set his jaw and said, “This way to the armory,” through gritted teeth.I fist-bumped Jarvis as we walked out the door.Maybe my brother-in-law wasn’t a total dipshit after all.I could handle partial dipshit.I mean, I hang out with me, right?
Ash walked over to Titania’s bedside as the rest of us filed out.They put a hand on the Summer Queen’s shoulder and said, “I hope you get better soon, Your Majesty.We’ll do everything we can to help you and your people.”
“Thank you, dear,” Titania replied.Then she raised an eyebrow.“Are you one of us?You don’t have the aura of a typical human.”
The pink-haired theatre tech grinned down at the sickly queen.“I’m one hundred percent human, as far as I know, but I promise you, I’m anything but typical.”
“Well, if you are successful in your quest and would like to remain in Summer, I will make a comfortable home for you in my domain.Thank you, Ash, for your help, and your compassion.”
They blushed a little, their cheeks turning almost as pink as their hair, and smiled.“Thanks, Your Majesty.I might just do that.”
We were halfway to the armory before I realized that no one had ever told Titania’s Ash’s name.Damn magical faerie queens and their brain magic.
8
After loading up on weapons, food, horses, and a cart for those of us who couldn’t ride (which was Jarvis, who admitted that the closest he’d ever been to a horse was a petting zoo and frequent viewing ofTombstone), we headed out of the Summer palace and down the road toward Winter and the portal Oberon told us we should find easily.He even gave us a map with our destination marked on it.
“Why are you being so helpful, Gramps?”I asked him as we stood in the courtyard ready to depart.“Isn’t it better for you if the queen dies?Then you’d be King Obie and could put your scepter wherever you wanted without anyone getting pissed off at you about it.”
Oberon glared at me, tall enough to look me in the eye, which doesn’t happen often outside of basketball games or pro wrestling matches.“Aside from the fact that I love Titania with all my heart, despite my weak flesh and the mistakes it lures me into?—”
“Typical guy bullshit,” Geri cut in.“I didn’t cheat, my penis cheated.I was just an innocent bystander.”
Oberon turned his glare on Geri, who, if possible, gave even less of a shit than I did.And Ireallydidn’t give a shit about dirty looks from this douchebag.“Not only do I love my queen, but I am her consort, not her king.I am not in the line of succession and could not sit the throne were anything to happen to Titania.And her daughters hold a low opinion of me, to say the least.So no, grandson, it is very muchnotin my best interests for anything to happen to Titania.Not only would I lose the woman I love, but I would also lose my status, my authority, and my home.”His voice changed and a flicker of what I took to be real emotion flashed across his face.“Please save her, Grandson.Please save them all.”
“I’ll try, Obie,” I said, putting a hand on his shoulder.“I’ll try my damnedest.”Then I turned and rode out the front gates, my totally awesome heroic exit foiled by having to wait for a pair of guards to crank up the portcullis.
* * *
From the castle, it took us half a day just to reach the outskirts of the town that had grown up around Titania’s palace.It was deserted, just missing the tumbleweeds and whistling soundtrack to make a spaghetti western.Every third building had a large X painted on the door, which we assumed meant “sick people, don’t enter.”After we finally got out of the town, we rode the rest of the day to find a clearing alongside the road where we could make camp.
Making camp was much easier this time around, thanks to the magical tents Titania had provided.Not only did they set themselves up, saving me from having to do it for Jarvis, who I was pretty sure had never slept on the ground in his life, but they also came complete with beds and meals.The only thing we had to do was gather rocks to go around the campfire, set the fire, and sit around wishing someone had brought a six-pack.Maybe a twelve-pack.
I took the first watch and was sitting with my back to the fire looking out into the dark when Geri came and plopped down next to me.
“Penny for ‘em, big guy,” she said, keeping her voice low so as not to wake Ash.We had no worries about waking Jarvis, since he was snoring so loud that I was afraid a wandering bear would think it was a mating call.
