“What’s wrong?” Lane shifted, blocking the bright rays with his large from.
Shadows fell over her, and she glanced up with a tight smile pasted on her lips. His wrinkled brow was visible under the brim of his cowboy hat. “Nothing. Let’s keep this tour going before Parker gets too hot.”
She made a move to walk around him, but a gentle touch on her arm pinned her in place.
“Please don’t do that,” he said.
“Do what?”
“Keep pretending like our past isn’t casting one giant shadow over our present—our future. If we’re going to make things work in the best possible way for Parker, I need you to be honest with me. About everything. Even the stuff that’s difficult to remember. We can’t have things constantly coming up and standing between us.”
His willingness to discuss their issues should make her happy, relieve any misgivings that he wanted to put in the work on their relationship for the good of their son. Instead, a flash of anger flared bright as the damn sun in her chest.
“So I’m just supposed to rip open all the wounds I’ve worked so hard to bury because now you’re ready to talk? Because you don’t want things to be awkward or uncomfortable? Well, I’m sorry, but that’s not the way things work. I refuse to stand here and listen to you talk about how you never wanted to return to Hillmore. That nothing was important enough to stay until now. That I was just a blip on the map of your life until I gave you a child. Sorry if my pathetic feelings are too much for you to handle when you slam the raw hard truth in my face.”
Unable to look at him any longer, she stalked by him and rounded the corner of the old barn. Tears flowed down her face. A large block of emotion and trauma weighed down her chest, threatening to cut off her air supply.
She needed space, distance. She needed to get away from Lane for one damn second—and all the memories he brought along with him.
This was a mistake. Spending so much time cooped up with Lane, depending on him to keep her safe and protected, was messing with her mind.
With her emotions.
Blowing out a long breath, she stared out to the sprawling meadow in front of her. A subtle gust of wind rustled the long grass and bounced the colorful blooms of summer from side to side. Damn Kevin and whatever he’d gotten himself involved in that landed her in a mess of her own.
And damn herself for starting to forget all the pain Lane had caused her and getting swept away in some silly fantasy that would never come true.
The crunch of footsteps on gravel alerted her to Lane’s approach behind her. As much as she wanted to stand and stare at the distant mountains and get lost in the beauty of nature, she couldn’t run away from her problems. Especially when she was currently staying in that problem’s house and he was holding her child.
Sighing, she turned to face him but her gaze fixed on her grinning baby with a river of drool coursing down his chin. “Talking about what went wrong between us takes me back to a very dark place. I thought I was over it, but after spending time with you the last few days, I realize I’m not. I don’t know if I’ll ever be.”
Lane rubbed the back of his neck, regret shining from his eyes. “I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. I wish I could tell myself I didn’t have to let fear dictate my decisions or choose between two dreams.”
“But you can’t. And when push came to shove, you didn’t pick me. I wasn’t enough for you—our love didn’t mean enough. Orwho knows,” she said, lifting her hands in the air only to let them fall back to her sides. “Maybe you never really loved me. Maybe you meant more to me than I did to you, and I just have to except that and move on.”
He opened his mouth, but whatever he planned to say was interrupted by Parker’s irritated wail.
“He’s probably getting warm. We should take him back inside.” Wanting this moment to be over, she plucked Parker out of his carrier and headed back to the house. She might not be able to get too far from the man who still held her heart right now, but she didn’t need to continue their treacherous walk down memory lane.
Sensing Celine’sneed for space, Lane opted to stay outside and out of her hair. He didn’t want her to feel confined to her room, so he grabbed his laptop, a cold beer, and set up on the wide wraparound porch.
He searched information about the new casino just out of town, paying special attention to any types of crimes connected to the establishment. Not much popped out. Some theft, one mugging in the parking lot, and a lot of editorials regarding upset locals pissed off about the mark on the land they loved so much.
Nothing hinted at illegal activities going on inside the casino, but if there were, he probably wouldn’t find it with a casual search on the internet.
The front door opened, and Duke strolled out with his hands shoved in the front pockets of his jeans. He plopped onto the rocking chair beside Lane and kicked out his legs, crossing his ankles in front of him. “Find anything useful?”
“Not really.” Shutting his laptop, Lane grabbed the long neck of his beer bottle and took a sip. The bitter ale coated his tongue, cooling his dry throat. “Not like I expected to find much. Just kind of spinning my wheels, trying to think of something new to look into. An angle I hadn’t searched yet.”
“Where’s Celine?”
Lane took another pull from his beer. “She’s been inside with Suzy and Parker ever since Suzy got back from the store.”
“You staying away from her on purpose?”
He shrugged. “Pretty sure she wants me to. Tensions got a bit high earlier.”
“Easy to see how that could happen, but if you don’t do something to smother that tension it’ll only grow.”
