I glance over at AJ and don’t miss the self-satisfied nod of her head. She didn’t miss that either, thankfully.
“We missed you at Sunday dinner last week,” Lauren says. Sunday family dinners were always a big thing at the Flynn’s brownstone in South Boston back when Jameson, Audrey, and Jules all lived there together. Things have changed a lot in the nearly two years since Lauren and I moved back to Boston and she reconnected with Jameson, but the family still tries to do dinner as often as possible, and I’m always included.
“Yeah, sorry, I was dealing with the whole Natalie-posting-the-wrong-photo situation.”
Lauren shakes her head saying how terrible she feels for her. “It seems like you’ve been MIA a lot lately.”
I huff out a laugh. “My life feels like it’s been in overdrive since my mom’s wedding.”
“Maybe two jobs is too much,” she says. “Orrrr... is theresomeoneelse taking up your time?” Her eyes flick across the wide expanse of the club level, where Aidan waits with Walsh and Colt. The three of them came up about twenty minutes ago and have been shaking hands with fans after getting their autographed photo from McCabe.
“Literally just overworked,” I say, hating the lie that springs to my mouth. But if I do decide to tell my cousin everything, it’s not going to be at our place of employment with him standing right across from us.
Aidan’s gaze flicks toward me, and then away when he sees Lauren and me looking his way.
“Mm-hmm. I already heard about the jersey situation in the tunnel before the game. So whenever you want to talk abouthow...overworkedyou are,” she says, lifting both eyebrows, “just let me know. I’m always here.”
I roll my eyes at her but don’t respond, while she snickers like a child. It reminds me a lot of how Audrey, Jules, and I used to tease her about how obvious Jameson’s feelings for her were, while she kept denying it and insisting they were just friends.
But that’s a ridiculous comparison, because Aidan doesn’t havefeelingsfor me. Sure, he brings that same big dick energy to our situation that Jameson did with Lauren, but that’sallit is. Jameson was determined to wife her up the minute Lauren was back in his life, and that’s the furthest thing from Aidan’s mind.
While Jameson was hanging out with Lauren’s kids and basically stepping in as a father figure from the start, Aidan doesn’t even want kids. Not that I have any or am even certain I want them. But not only is settling down with a familynoton Aidan’s to-do list... it’s the antithesis of what he’s looking for.
My heart races as I watch him joking around with his teammates.What am I even doing?Why am I spending every second of my free time with him? Why am I investing so much emotional energy into him when all he wants are hangouts that end with sex and absolutely no commitment?
I know that’s what friends with benefits entails, but I can’t help but feel that our “relationship” has evolved beyond that.
Maybe... maybe I really do need to see other people, too? I wonder how Aidan would react to that, given what happened when I had McCabe’s jersey on. That was probably only because McCabe is one of his best friends and they’re on the same team, though. It’s not like I’d go out with one of his friends.
“You sure you don’t want to talk about this?” Lauren asks, and I glance over at her to see concern written across her features.
“I’m good,” I lie.
I’m pretty sure I’m spiraling, falling into the same pattern I always do when I start dating a guy and think it’s more serious than it is. Aidan has told me—repeatedly—that he doesn’t want anything more than this with me, but then he makes me feel so goddamn special, so cherished.
But I’m not. I’m not specialorcherished. I’m just someone to have around when he wants a woman to spend time with. Yeah, the sex is amazing, but I’m starting to feel like a dirty little secret. The woman who’s good enough to fuck, but not good enough for anything more serious.
I know that things are way more complicated than that, and it’s the circumstances, not him, making me feel this way, but I can’t help wondering if this is just going to end in heartache for me.
He suggested this arrangement because I needed to practice keeping things casual, but if thispracticehas taught me anything, it’s that I don’t want this to be casual. And he doesn’t want it to be serious.
So it seems that we’re in a no-win situation.
Chapter Thirty-Six
AIDAN
Ihaven’t seen Morgan all weekend—not since after the game Friday night, where she essentially ignored me in favor of talking to her cousin the entire time. Once the last of the fans had left, we invited them out with us to celebrate winning our home opener, but they both politely declined. Lauren, because her twins would be up at six-thirty no matter how late she went to sleep, and Morgan, because she was “tired.”
When I reminded her that she was supposed to be making sure I didn’t get in any trouble, she suggested that maybe AJ could pay Colt to babysit me instead. Lauren had coughed to cover her laugh and said, “I’m going to go thank McCabe.” Then she left us standing there alone.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I’m just tired and I don’t have the energy to keep you in line tonight.”
I’d been so tempted to ask her just to come back to my place instead, but I was meeting Max the next morning for breakfast and I’ve literallyneverhad a woman over here before. My home is too much a part of me to share with strangers, so hookups always happen elsewhere. But Morgan's not a stranger, nor is she just a hookup.
This morning when I was making myself breakfast, there was a moment when I wondered what it would be like to look over and see her sitting at the table in front of the window overlooking my small backyard space.
