“Why not?”
“I’m just trying to understand where I keep going wrong with relationships. So, cuddling after sex and breakfast the next morning doesn’t mean anything?”
I watch the column of his throat bob before he visibly relaxes. “The general rule of thumb with a casual relationship is that there’s no expectation of monogamy or long-term commitment. I don’t think making someone breakfast changes that?”
I can’t tell if he’s totally full of shit, or if guys and girls think differently about this type of thing. Maybe it’s just me who wants to grab on to small gestures like this breakfast and think they mean more than they do? In this case, I’m staying at his house, so I guess it only makes sense that he’d make me breakfast while making some for himself, too. So yeah, I guess that actually doesn’t mean anything.
“Hmmm,” I say as I cut a small piece of my waffle and take a bite, chewing slowly as I mull over my thoughts. “I always kind of assumed that going on multiple dates and sleeping with someone multiple times, even before talking about making it official, at least made it exclusive. I guess it didn’t really occur to me that, in that situation, a guy might also be seeing other people at the same time.”
“It doesn’t necessarily mean he is, but he could be, unless you’d agreed to make it exclusive.”
“Okay.” I guess that explains a bit of the disconnect I’ve had with guys before, where I apparently thought things were more serious and more exclusive than they actually were. For example, Carter flying me to Miami at the beginning of the summer while he was there for work because he didn’t want to go that long without seeing me apparently didn’t mean that he was seeingonlyme.
We’re silent for a minute as he gets his waffle off the iron and spreads butter on it before drenching it in syrup. He keepscasting quick glances at me and looking away when he finds my eyes still on him.
“So now, for example,” I say, just to make sure I have some clarity on what our friends-with-benefits situation entails, “I should be open to meeting other guys, since we’re keeping this casual?”
“Yep.” His one-word response comes out tight, reminding me of the post-wedding dinner in Bermuda. He turns away, but his body doesn’t block the way his hand grips the glass handle of the mixing bowl so hard that the whole thing is shaking as he moves it aside and pulls the waffle iron plug out of the wall.
“Okay, good to know.”
There’s nothing about his physical response that leads me to believe he meant what he just said. I’m torn between wanting to ask him about it, and needing to take him at his word. Because reading too much into things is exactly my problem... trying to find reasons that what’s happening is more than casual, even when a guy is telling me he doesn’t want more.
I have to trust what he’s telling me, even if everything about being here in Ember Cove with him feels like more than just sex.
Maybe going on a date with someone else is what I need to do to practice this whole casual relationship thing? The idea makes me feel sick because Aidan has made me feel more important, more desired, and more cherished than any guy I’ve ever been with.
But, just like almost every other guy I’ve been with, he doesn’t want a real, committed relationship with me, so I guess I need to keep searching until I find someone who deserves meandwants a relationship.
Chapter Thirty-Two
AIDAN
“So this thing with Morgan,” Liam says, nodding his chin toward the edge of the water where she and Jack are searching for sea glass among small rocks and shell fragments left behind when the tide receded. She’s wearing the same yellow bikini she wore in Bermuda—which makes me damn glad I didn’t steal it as a keepsake—and my unzipped hoodie over it. “It’s serious?”
I cough out a laugh. “No. I don’t do relationships, you know that.”
He turns and gives me the exact same look his dad used to give us whenever we tried to lie to him about where we’d been or what we’d been up to. Liam’s so much like his father, and there’s no better man to be like. I’m hit with a painful wave of nostalgia for our childhood, back when things were easier... before I’d lost my mom, and he’d lost his dad and wife. I’m pretty sure the only reason Liam is holding it together is because he needs to be there for Jack.
“Right. You always bring girls back to Ember Cove and introduce them to your best friend when it’s not a relationship.” His sarcastic tone matches the side-eye he gives me.
I think about the fact that the only other woman I’ve brought here is Hayley, when we stayed at my house for my mom’s funeral. I never planned to bring another woman here, but I’m breaking all my own rules—rules that were carefully crafted to avoid the pain, heartbreak, and devastation I’ve experienced all my life, losing almost everyone I’ve loved—for Morgan.
“To be fair...” I cross my arms over my chest and glance at Morgan. The sight of her in my clothes is quickly becoming a fetish. “. . . I had no intention of introducing you until Finn saw us and told me I better get my ass over to see you.”
“Still, a whole weekend away with a woman, in your childhood home, means something.”
“Yeah, it means I’m getting laid.”
I feel guilty once the words leave my mouth, as if that’s all this is between us, and clearly Liam sees right through me because he just chuckles. “Dude, be fucking for real right now. You have feelings for her. You might not even realize it yet, because you haven’t had an actual relationship since Hayley?—”
“And I won’t, again. It’s just not worth it.” My throat tightens at the memories of my ex and the grief I sank into when our relationship ended. If it hadn’t been for hockey and a particularly astute coach, I would have lost my first NHL contract. I swore off relationships after that, focusing on nothing but hockey. It’s worked well for me... until now.
I fought so hard to return to my team this year—the surgeries, the grueling and painful recovery, the training—I can’t risk getting distracted, especially given how much I want my contract to be renewed. Somehow, though, Morgan doesn’t feel like a distraction.
Liam looks over at Jack, knee deep in the water, trying to kick the waves onto Morgan, who’s playing along by jumping back with a yelp every time.
“Yeah it is, man. It’s worth all the pain.”
