“I know you are,” she says. “Some players have an innate ability, and others have to work really hard at it. I know you’ve always been the former, but I need you to try to be more of the latter, too.”
I feel my face contort in confusion. She’s saying that I have an innate ability as a hockey player, so much so that she didn’t thinkI needed time in the minor leagues to get back up to my previous ability after a year off. But also, that I need to work really hard at it?
“Come again?”
“Ledderman let us know that he’s retiring. Effective immediately.” Anthony Ledderman has been with the Rebels for a long time; his tenure is second only to Colt. He’s not even close to the most talented player on the team, but he puts his head down and does the work. He’s also incredibly levelheaded, especially when everyone else on the ice gets worked up. He’s held me back from fights and talked me down when things got heated, more times than I can count. But he pulled a groin muscle last season, was out for a few games, then came back too early and reinjured himself right before the playoffs. He was supposed to be back this season, but it sounds like maybe he didn’t make a full recovery.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I say, unsure what this has to do with me.
She lifts an eyebrow, like she’s waiting for me to make some sort of connection to what she’s said and how it relates to me. But Ledderman plays defense, and I know she’s not going to ask me to switch positions.
And that’s when it hits me—Ledderman is one of our alternate captains.
My jaw drops open slightly as I hold my hands up in front of me. “Noooo.”
“Your name has come up before,” she says.
“I am not captain material,” I tell her.
“That’s what McCabe said, and look at him now. Sometimes, all people need in order to reach their potential is an invitation.”
I think about the several seasons McCabe has been captain and how resistant he was to step into the leadership role management wanted him to play. But something clearlychanged over the past year, and I don’t think it was only because of his relationship with AJ.
“I think I’ll have enough to worry about just getting back to playing. I promised myself there’d be no distractions this season.”
“And you think that being an alternate captain would be a distraction?”
How do I tell her that being an alternate captain would demand a skill set I don’t have. I’m not optimistic, supportive, or sometimes even rational.
“My whole career I’ve been an enforcer.”
Captains are measured and calm. Enforcers are shit stirrers who set the tone of the game by physically intimidating their opponents. Captains are the ones talking to the referees about penalties, while enforcers are the ones being sent to the sin bin in the first place.
“There’s no such thing as an official enforcer anymore, Renaud. And if you paid attention this past season, you would have noticed that the Rebels had the least amount of time in the penalty box of any team in the league. And that took us all the way to the finals.”
I cough out a laugh. “Where Hartmann choked.”
“Easy to say from your couch, right?” She clears her throat. “Ourteamfell apart at the end. Every single player on the ice that night bears some of the blame. And Hartmann is the only one who had a legitimate excuse.”
I’m tempted to flippantly ask if she has to say that because he’s the owner’s son and the CEO’s brother. But McCabe warned me that things had changed, so I hold my tongue.
I’m sure Luke Hartmann is a good guy, but when our team needed him most, he wasn’t a good goalie. Andthat’sthe metric that should matter.
“What we’re focused onthisyear,” AJ continues, “is coming back stronger. And to do that, we need every single player not only giving his all, but giving more than he’s ever given before. For you, that means working harder than you’re used to working?—”
“I’m not afraid of hard work.” There’s no way AJ doesn’t know this. In fact, aside from the team doctor, she’s the only other person who knows the grueling recovery I went through in the last twelve months so that I could be back on the ice again this season.
“—and stepping up in ways you haven’t before. I need youon the ice, Renaud. That means I need you to be levelheaded out there so you’re not spending as much time in the sin bin as you do on the ice. Understood?”
“Understood,” I say, my voice definitive, even though I’m extremely conflicted.
Hockey is a violent sport, and the fights are part of what makes it fun for fans. My willingness to lay someone out when needed is one of the things that helps prevent the other team from playing dirty.
But AJ getting caught in the middle of a fight in the stands while holding McCabe’s baby last season may have changed her perspective on things a bit. Or maybe her perspective was already changing? Drew Jenkins was a known brawler when he was in Colorado, but very rarely got in a fight after being traded to the Rebels last season. Did she give him this same talk last fall?
“I need you to be a leader on this team.”
I sit back in the cushy chair and cross my arms over my chest. “Why me? There havegotto be better options.” Like maybe someone who wasn’t just out for a whole season?
