It’s dark in the hallway, so I assume Beck and Charlie are in bed for the night. When I reach the kitchen, I grab a mug out of the cabinet and fill it with water. I don’t want to wake them with boiling water, so I just use the hot-water option on the fancy coffee maker Beck has.
I settle in on his couch with my mug of tea and look out at the city skyline. It makes me really think about how quickly Beck’s life changed. He barely had a minute after the draft before they sent a plane for us and we came up here. Beck moved here that weekend, for the most part.
Makes me wonder about my own future. And who I’ll be sharing it with. I hope I can find someone I love like Beck and Charlie love each other.
“What are you doing up?” My brother’s grumbly voice carries to me.
“Hey,” I say, smiling.
“Can’t sleep?” he asks as he walks into the kitchen and grabs a water from the fridge.
I shake my head. “No, I just can’t seem to turn off my brain tonight.”
“You thinking about Eli?” He settles on the couch next to me, spreading his arm along the back.
I take a sip of my tea and shake my head. “No, not at all.” But I also don’t mention my phone call with Silas.
“That’s good. I gotta say, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t tell me that you broke up with him.” He stretches out his legs and props them on the coffee table in front of the couch.
“Sorry, I just … I don’t know. Everything was just so busy between traveling and the holidays. It didn’t really seem that important, you know?” I shrug.
“But are you okay? Do you want to talk about what happened?” Beck takes a sip of his water. “Wait. It doesn’t have to do with that kiss between you and Arbuckle, does it?”
Oh God. I clear my throat. “Beck, no! Nothing to do with Silas.”Liar. Not completely anyway. “There’s honestly not much to say. I think his behavior was pretty self-explanatory. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine.” I look down at the tea in my mug.
It’s not that I want to keep anything from my brother or don’t want to tell him what happened, but I meant what I said. I don’t want to be a bother or a worry to him.
“Brooke, look at me,” he says patiently.
When I do look at him, his eyes are soft.
“I will always worry about you. That’s my job as your big brother. But I don’t want you to hide things from me because you think I’ll be upset. I want to be there for you. Help you through whatever is going on and also be there to support you and celebrate the good things too. I mean, in my opinion, this breakup deserves a party, but maybe you’re not there yet.” He tilts his head and smirks.
I can’t help but laugh. “No, it’s a good thing, and I probably should have done it sooner. I guess I just have a hard time … I don’t know … hurting people. Although he wasn’t hurt. Not in the way you should hurt when something with someone you cared about ends. I think his ego was more bruised than anything. And maybe he was a little angry that he wasn’t the one to do it.”
“Well, you’re a natural pleaser.” He lifts a hand and gestures to me. “You don’t like to upset people, for sure. And not to sound like I know everything, but since I’m more in tune with my feelings now”—he chuckles—“you aren’t responsible for other people’s feelings or behavior. The only thing you can own is how you handle it. And if someone or something makes you unhappy or hurts you, it’s okay to walk away.”
“No, I know.” I shake my head. “I mean, I know I’m not responsible for other people, but I don’t like to be a problem or cause drama.”
“Okay, but, B, you have never in your life caused problems for anyone. You are the kindest and most selfless person I know. You are always thinking of everyone else and making sure we’re happy. But I want you to be just as happy. You are your only priority. Just like me, Dad, Charlie, and anyone else you feel like you need to take care of—we are responsible for ourselves. Although I take ownership of Charlie too.” He winks at me. “Not really, but you know what I mean. You can be considerate and want to take care of people, but not at the detriment of yourself. I know he was your first real boyfriend, but the few times I was around him and from what Charlie told me, he was a total asshole. I tried to keep my mouth shut because I didn’t want to interfere, and it was rough. I hoped you would figure it out on your own. And, look, you did because you’re a smart girl.” He smiles at me.
“Woman,” I correct him, smiling.
“Don’t remind me.”
I swat at him.
“I’m kidding. I know you are a woman, and I know you can take care of things on your own, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for me. I’ve protected you your whole life.” He reaches over and squeezes my shoulder.
I nod. “I know, and I’m really lucky to have you as my big brother.”
“I have an idea.” He sits up and drops his feet to the floor. “When we go to Vegas, I think you should let loose. Do something you wouldn’t normally do. Have fun. Likerealfun. Without worrying about anyone but yourself. If it makes you happy, do it.”
“I don’t know about that. I usually just follow along with what everyone wants to do. Not that I’m complaining. Y’all are fun. But I don’t really see myself going wild with ideas on my own.” I laugh half-heartedly.
“I mean, I don’t want you to get hurt in any way, but it’s okay to have fun. To do things that you like or might want to try.”
“Who are you right now? Don’t act like you’re some adventurous guy either.” I poke him in the shoulder.
