Nisha tells me all about her sexcapades and multiple orgasms and wetting up bedsheets. I couldn’t tell you what an orgasm felt like. And I may get a little aroused, but I can’t say I’ve ever wet up bedsheets. And this isn’t just a Jamieson issue. My fiancé is my third sexual partner, and it was the same with the other two guys.
I tried to talk to my doctor about this, but she said that physically there is nothing wrong with me. Jamieson tries not to complain about my lack of desire and stiffness in bed, but I know it bothers him.
“Tanisha Rose, you better not be out here popping that little thang to just anyone. I know my sister taught you better.”
I cut my eyes at my cousin, waiting to hear how she was going to respond. When it came to Tanisha, you never knew.
Nisha bats her long eyelashes and places a hand over her heart. “Now, Aunt Angie, you know better. This world-class coochie is exclusive. It’s harder to get into than a politician’s inner circle.”
I toss my head back and laugh. Mother frowns at both of us.
Returning my attention to the enormous bouquet, I smile. Pulling one black rose out of the bunch, I bring it to my nose. I’m not sure why J would choose black roses, considering my wedding colors are burnt-orange, teal, and beige.
There’s a card with the flowers. I pull it out and read the slanted handwriting.
My condolences, —R
“I think someone delivered the wrong flowers to me,” I say.
“The delivery guy said your name,” Nisha says, fixing her breasts in her maid of honor dress.
“What does the card say?” Mother asks.
I read the card out loud. As soon as I’m done, Mother rushes over and snatches the card out of my hand. She looks over the two words as if it’s an entire five-thousand-word essay.
“You don’t think it’s somebody trying to be funny, do you?” Tanisha asks, walking over to me. “You know bitches can get really petty at a wedding. I’d hate to beat a hoe down today.”
I want to laugh at my cousin and tell her that there is no way some female would be trying to send me a message. Jamieson isn’t that type of man. He’s honest, and gentle, and he loves me. He wouldn’t cheat.
Would he? I ignore the slow creep of doubt. I’ve been working on my trust issues in therapy. No need to accuse him of something I didn’t have proof of.
I look over at my mother, wondering what she thinks. When my eyes land on her, I pause. My mother is light-skinned. Not as light as my future husband but lighter than my pecan brown color. However, now she looks damn near pale.
“Ma, are you alright?” she blinks a few times before she focuses in on me.
“Yes,” she says, taking the card and balling it up and tossing it into the trash. “Let me get rid of these. I’m pretty sure they were an accident.”
She grabs the roses that must have cost a fortune and quickly rushes out of the room. Once she’s gone, I turn to Nisha.
“Was that weird to you?”
Nisha nods. “But you know this is probably hard for her. Seeing her baby do something she will never get a chance to do. By the way, where is uncle rolling stone?”
I have to laugh out loud. Ever since we were old enough to understand the dynamics of their relationship, Nisha has called him that.
I shrug, walking over to the window seat in the room. “Probably somewhere appeasing his wife. You know she’s not happy about him wanting to sit beside Mama during the wedding.”
Although Vanessa and my mama have never gotten along, she has always been nice to me. She told me once I was the only innocent one in what her husband and my mom did. She said she could never hate me. Her daughter—now that is another story.
Nisha comes and flops down on the seat beside me. “How are you feeling? Today is your day, and I want it to be special. Don’t go stressing over those crazy ass adults that should know better.”
Anytime my mother, father, and his wife are in the same place, some shit goes down. Mama and Vanessa haven’t gotten into a physical altercation since I was twelve. Now-a-days, Mom ends up crying and depressed, while Vanessa is usually mad and drunk. The only person who is unbothered is usually Daddy. It’s one reason I didn’t want them all at my wedding. But whatever Romeo Williams wants, he gets.
That feeling in the pit of my stomach hits again.
“Do you think I’m making the right decision?” I ask Nisha. “I mean, I love J, but something feels off.”
“You’re getting married, Siah. Everyone has cold feet before they get married. That’s normal. This is a huge life change.”
