Luna gives me a squeeze. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, Is. No one is kicking you out of here.”
“I appreciate that.” I force a smile for her benefit. “But it’s been hard dealing with the lack of windows.”
“The wall decals were for you, weren’t they?” she asks.
“Yeah.” Luna knows I’ve had panic attacks in the past. But I’ve been a whole lot better at managing them over time. I never told her about my issues with windowless rooms. It never came up. “They help, but it’ll be good for me to get out of here and breathe fresh air again.”
And it will be, even though I would rather stay right here forever if it meant I could be with Alessio. But I can’t. Anyway, he’s made it clear that he’s done with me. Our temporary arrangement is over. It’s for the best. I don’t understand this world the way Luna does.
“Saint put the window decals up,” Lucky says, giving Luna a look I can’t read.
“Saint?” Luna stares back at him, looking as shocked as I feel.
“It was nice of him.” I shrug out of Luna’s half embrace. “Look, if I’m going to be headed out of here, I need to pack up my stuff.”
“But you don’t need to go,” Luna protests, frowning at me.
“Yes, I do.” My smile feels brittle, like a piece of plastic left in the hot sun for too many summers. About to crumble into pieces. “Cid doesn’t need me anymore now that you’re home, and it’s time to get my shit figured out. I have the storage unit in Iowa waiting for me, and I’ve got to decide where I want to teach next and start applying. Maybe I’ll even write the book I’ve been wanting to write.”
Luna sighs. “I’m going to miss you. I wish we didn’t live so far apart. It’s not the same now that I can’t just show up at your apartment or randomly leave books I think you’ll like in your letter slot.”
“I know.” Impulsively, I hug her. “But we’ll always have FaceTime. As soon as you get your phone back and are on the outside again, that is.”
“The outside.” She pulls back and winces at me. “You make this place sound like a prison.”
“It kind of is.”
“Not at all.”
“Luna.” I give her upper arms a gentle squeeze. “You’re drinking the mobster Kool-Aid.”
“It’s more like a bunker,” she insists. “But either way, you’re welcome to stay. Please don’t think you have to go just because my well-intentioned brother-in-law decided to arrange for you to leave us all in the dust.”
I’m not sure I would categorize Alessio’s intentions the same way, but I keep that to myself.
“It’s time,” I tell her. “I’ll be one less problem for everyone to worry about. You all have enough on your plate as it is.”
And now that I know for certain I was never more to Alessio than a convenient hookup, staying here would only make the pain worse. I’d have to see him again. This way, I can keep my dignity and fly away.
“You’ve probably had your fill of our drama anyway,” Luna tells me. “Love you, Is.”
“Love you too. Take good care of Cid for me. And don’t go to the coffeehouse across the street from where you live. Take a bodyguard with you everywhere you go.”
“I don’t need a bodyguard.” She smiles. “I’ve got Priest.”
And that man would lay down his life for her. I’ve seen the depths of his devotion. Being a Mafia wife isn’t a safe gig, but I do know that she’s in good hands with her husband. The best.
“Of course you do.” I release her. “I’ll just get my stuff together now.”
And try to do everything in my power to keep from breaking down until I’m on the other side of those airport doors.
Chapter 25
ISLA
I didn’t make it past the airport doors before the tears crept up on me, rolling down my cheeks and turning me into a blubbering hot mess. But I did manage to hold them off until I was in the back of an SUV, headed away from the sprawling casino and toward the ticket counter where I’ll be getting a flight back to Iowa and whatever fresh level of hell awaits me there.
I’m alternating between immense, heartbroken sadness and frustrated, hurt fury. Part of me wants to rage at Alessio for cutting me out of his life so abruptly, without an explanation. Without a goodbye. Without an acknowledgment that weweresomething to each other. That the fire burning between us was real.
