That night, Dmitri fucked me until I forgot my own name. Three times, he fulfilled his promise to fill me with his cum.
I thought all the tension around that mobster’s offer had been washed away, but the next evening when we drove along the border of the rival Bratva’s territory, I didn’t miss the rigidity of his shoulders.
“Did you actually think I’d accept their offer?” I asked.
Dmitri’s jaw ticked, but he remained silent. Their territory quickly became a blur, and I’d almost forgotten my question when he finally responded.
“I’m not an idiot, I know how you feel about the Bratva.”
To be fair, it was the Pakhan and his fucked up competition that were my issue rather than the Brotherhood itself. The Bratva as an organization wasn’t inherently a bad thing. It’d just been corrupted by its leadership.
“I might’ve considered it before I met you,” I admitted, noticing his grip on the wheel had tightened. “But now there’s no offer in this world that could make me leave your side.”
“Because I’d track you down, and lock you in my apartment,” he reminded me with a tight smile.
Dmitri swung into an empty space on the street, and I grabbed his hand before he could reach for the car door.
His eyebrows furrowed together as he turned to look at me.
“Dmitri,” my voice was quiet, raw. “I need you to know that it’s more than that. I don’t stay by your side, because I have to.
“There’s no fight we could have, nothing you can say that would push me away. I’m here forever, because there’s nowhere else I want to be. The only thing that could keep me away from you is death,” I said.
His eyes hardened into steel, but I pressed on because he needed to know this beyond a doubt.
“Dmitri,I love you. As long as I’m still breathing, I will always be by your side.”
Shock rippled across his face. Silence stretched between us, but he made no move untangle from my grip.
“You don’t have to say it back,” I said quickly, averting my eyes as embarrassment swept me. “I just wanted you to know how I feel.”
Dmitri gently nudged my chin up, so I was forced to look at him.
“My household wasn’t exactly full of love growing up,” he said thoughtfully. “My mother killed my brother, because she thought he was too weak. And for the rest of my childhood, I was deeply aware that she wouldn’t hesitate to put me down if I failed to live up to my potential.”
Unbidden, a tear streaked down my cheek. Imagining the pain he’d grown up with shattered a piece of my heart. I knew that type of pain, and it followed you long past childhood.
“Honestly, I don’t really understand the concept of love, and I doubt I ever will,” Dmitri said while swiping away my tear. “WhatI do knowis that when I’m stuck in a boring meeting, theknowledge that you’re safe at home cuddled into your favorite blanket is enough to stop me from snapping the closest man’s neck.
“And when you bounce up and down on your toes, because you’re so fucking excited about some chapter in a book you’re reading I want to snatch you up, and never let you out of my arms.
“The day Roman kidnapped you, and I didn’t know if I’d find you alive…” Dmitri’s voice faltered. “It was the worst day of my entire life.
“So even though I have no idea what love is supposed to look like, I know you are the only thing that matters to me in this fucked up world. Your giggles are more euphoric than any drug, and when you cry it stabs me deeper than any knife ever has.”
He paused and stared up at the ceiling of the car. When he spoke next, his voice was rawer, quieter.
“Sometimes, I don’t think I could survive without you, Alisa.”
Tears streaked down my face as I pulled him close. His heart beat faster as I snuggled my face up against his warm chest.
Occasionally, when my father beat me, he’d tell me that I was fucking worthless. While my eyes swelled shut from his punches, my brain tried to work towards a plan that would earn his love back. Every time I increased my rank, I waited for him to finally tell me he loved me. To finally be worthy of his love.
As the years dragged on, and it never was enough, I came to the conclusion that maybe I was unlovable.
But as I nestled further into Dmitri’s comforting embrace, I didn’t feel that way anymore. Dmitri might claim to not know what love was, but his entire being contradicted that.
Every word out of his lips just now was a confirmation of his love.
